'AITA for telling my sister she needs to clean her house before giving birth or family will get custody?'
"AITAH for telling my sister she needs to get her house cleaned up before she gives birth or the family will go for custody?"
I am 32F married to 37M. My sister is 28F married to 29M. Parents are late 50s. Brother is 30 married to 26. My sister is currently pregnant with her first child. The problem is she currently lives in a house with 4 dogs (3 big dogs and 1 small, all shed a lot), 6 cats, and 3 ducks (yes in the house).
Her house smells absolutely disgusting. I cannot go in there without wanting to barf. There is also laundry and junk everywhere. There's no clean place to sit or walk. The floor is sticky. There are bugs. It's so gross. She and her husband just got this house last year idk how she made it this gross this quickly.
Before this they lived with her husband's mom.
I'm not saying I'm perfect but I really cannot describe how absolutely disgusting this house is right now. However it's not so far gone that it can't be fixed. She's only 12 ish weeks so she has time to get it fixed before the baby is born.
Anyway yesterday my parents went to her house ( they live about an hour and a half away so they don't visit often) and they got into an argument with my sister about her house. My dad basically gave her an ultimatum to get the house cleaned in and out or they will call child welfare when the baby is born and go for custody.
My sister called me upset and I told her I agree with our parents her house is disgusting and I am worried about the welfare of my future niece or nephew in that house. Our brother is in the same boat and will be going with us if she doesn't get it together.
There are bugs ffs and animal pee/ poop on the floors. When the child is born if the house is still disgusting we are going to do what we have to do to get that baby out of there until she gets her house cleaned. I am normally a let people do what they do kind of person but that house is a health hazard and I can't just sit there and let my niece or nephew live like that.
I feel awful about it but I'm with my parents on this particular ultimatum. However the thought of calling child services on my sister just feels awful and I'm not sure if that makes me awful or not. I know my sister can be a good mom but this whole situation is just it's gross and a child shouldn't have to live like that. Are we the A holes?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Leah_paigelowery wrote:
She’s hoarding animals. There’s clearly mental health issues at play. Has anyone offered to help her? Or just take her baby? Animal control would be a great step to remove some of the animals. She’s only 12 weeks pregnant why not offer some assistance?
stroppo wrote:
NTA. Good that you're thinking ahead. You might investigate why they let the house get into this state. Mental health/ab-se issues?
OP responded:
My sister has never been a particularly clean person. We fought over it constantly when we were growing up because we shared a room. As far as I know her husband isn't particularly clean either. I think it's just them.
Secret_Reject wrote:
DON’T WAIT UNTIL THE BABY IS BORN. ACT NOW. I’m not playing, dude, look up what toxoplasmosis does to developing babies. Animal shit all over her house, especially cat s-t is a risk that you shouldn’t ignore. If she’s only 12 weeks along, that means this is vital fetal development stages and she is at the highest risk of causing birth defects.
If anyone in your family gives even the tiniest f about that kid at all, one of you needs to do the hard thing here. Call APS, call her doctor, call animal control, the SPCA, any person you think might be able to help and sound the alarm. Be the bad guy for the sake of the kid, the poor thing’s life is in your hands. PS- NTA
mixxedmilk wrote:
**NTA** – You’re concerned about the health and safety of your future niece or nephew, and it’s reasonable to set boundaries and take steps to address a situation that poses a risk to a child.
Pretty_Safety_6967 wrote:
You can talk to child welfare services now, they may visit and give her the kick up the bum she needs. It's better to have a plan in place before the child is born.
Cautious_Web_8160 wrote:
NTA!!!! We need more people like you and your parents to hold parent’s accountable for the danger they put helpless children in. I worked as a social worker much of my career, and saw some truly disgusting homes. The children living there tended to have respiratory issues, and frequent infections and illnesses. The animal w*ste is unsanitary and a health risk.
As the children grow, there are issues like b-llying and social isolation that occur because the stench of the home clings to them and their clothes. But please also encourage your sister to seek therapy. I'm sure she is feeling attacked, scared, angry, and frustrated right now.
She may feel unable to clean the house. She may not want to. But either way - living like this is not healthy, screams ‘depression’ or ‘anxiety’ similar to how hoarding situations are an indication of mental illness.
Check with your local CPS. Some states will start cases prior to birth, some won’t. Also, DOCUMENT everything you see that is problematic and a safety concern. Take pictures when you can. That can be used to confront your sister with the truth to motivate change, but will also be needed if your family does have to seek custody. Date, time, what you see/smell/feel in the house.
Simple-Plankton4436 wrote:
I am also concerned about the animals. She is not fit to have animals. You should call animal protection center (or what ever they are called in English). She can’t even see that anything is wrong.. she won’t change.
B4disndatBB wrote:
NTA but why not call humane society or animal cruelty hotline. The house as you describe is not fit for pets right now. This will compel her to clean house, they also have resources to help her and maybe she gets her shit together before you have to call CPS.