'AITA for telling my sister I’m not watching her kids after I said I would?'
"AITA for telling my sister I’m not watching her kids after I said I would?"
My sister was unemployed for almost two years after a layoff. She got used to being home with her two children. My sister and her husband are tight on money. My sister asked me about watching her kids while she starts a new job since I’m a stay home mom. I said yes at first. But my sister handed me a list of rules.
Things like a daily schedule that would seriously upset my own children’s daily routine. Then she gave me an approved menu for her kids and what I can and can’t feed them because they are on a healthy whole food diet. I flat out told my sister this isn’t going to work and I’m not going to watch your kids.
My sister offered to buy the organic whole food. I told her no that’s not the point I’m not making your children separate lunches and I’m not going by your schedule. I’m watching the kids for free. They get what they get. That’s it. My sister said she would find something else but didn’t expect inflation on child care services to be so high.
She reached back out to me asking for a compromise because it will disrupt her children’s schedule if I don’t follow it and the food I make my children might give her’s a tummy ache. I told my sister there’s no way in hell this is going to work and I’m not watching her kids now or never because she’s being such a diva.
My sister complained that what is she going to do she starts her new job on Monday. I told her maybe don’t act your children are royalty when you can’t even afford a babysitter. My sister hasn’t talked to me since and my mom has tried to talk to me about the situation but even mom agrees she wouldn’t watch those kids with all of my sister’s unrealistic demands.
Internet strangers were quick to share their thoughts on the matter.
CrewelSummer wrote:
NTA. The demands your sister made are only appropriate for one childcare option: hiring a nanny. A nanny will follow the schedule you dictate for the children. A nanny can be expected to make the children food to your specifications. Those are big reasons why some people choose nannies.
But in other childcare situations, those demands simply cannot be met. In any groupcare situation, the children will be following the schedule set by the caregiver/center. It's simply impossible to cater to multiple schedules. And if you want special meals for your children other than what the center provides (if they provide any), then you need to prepare, pack, and send those.
If you want to negotiate with your sister, I would tell her that if she packs her children pre-made lunches, you would be willing to serve them. But you are not making two meals. And your schedule is what it is. She can take it or find other childcare. Kids adjust to new schedules all the time. So do adults. It's part of life. But that's your offer and she can take it or leave it.
Peony-Pony wrote:
NTA. "But my sister handed me a list of rules. Things like a daily schedule that would seriously upset my own children’s daily routine. Then she gave me an approved menu for her kids and what I can and can’t feed them because they are on a healthy whole food diet."
Your children and their comfort and schedule are your priority. You offered to watch your sister's children, you didn't offer to upend your life or the lives of your children to accommodate your sister's demands while you watch her children for free.
"My sister said she would find something else but didn’t expect inflation on child care services to be so high. She reached back out to me asking for a compromise because it will disrupt her children’s schedule if I don’t follow it and the food I make my children might give her’s a tummy ache. I told my sister there’s no way in hell this is going to work..."
It's really not your problem. The only "compromise" your sister wants is for you to agree to her list of demands and that's not going to happen. If she didn't research the cost of childcare before accepting the position, she has no one to blame but herself. She made the mistake of looking the gift horse in the mouth.
savinathewhite wrote:
NTA. If she wants a nanny, then she can pay for a nanny. Even professional childcare services or a center, would have their own schedule the kids would have to adapt to, and if there was a special diet, the parent would have to prepare and send it with the children.
If she’s expecting you to do more than a childcare provider for free, then she needs a major reality check. I wouldn’t even consider it at this point, because it’ll turn into pure hell even if she says she’ll compromise. Do you really want to get lectured every time she picks up the kids?
jasperjamboree wrote:
I love the “compromise” the sister offered to purchase the organic food after OP rescinded the offer to babysit due to the ludicrous demands. She was totally going to expect OP to cover that cost quietly.
She was going to take advantage of OP every possible opportunity she could, especially now that she knows how much that level of detailed childcare costs. Even your mom wouldn’t agree to those demands, so she should just drop it instead of continuing to talk to you. Your sister is a choosy beggar. NTA.
1962Michael wrote:
NTA. Newsflash. Her kids' routine is going to be "seriously disrupted" by taking them to daycare, or bringing them to your house, or anything short of a full-time nanny. Routines are disrupted every time they change grades or schools. Kids adapt, and frankly adapting is one of the things they need to learn how to do.
Dresssexydress wrote:
Your sister is asking for an unreasonable amount of control over your household and your routine, especially when you're doing her a favor for free. Watching kids is already a big responsibility, and adding a list of strict rules and demands is over the top.