'AITA for telling my sister our other pregnant sister is naming her baby after her deceased son?'
"AITA for telling my sister that my other pregnant sister is planning to name her baby after her deceased son, causing her to cut her off?"
AITA? I have two sisters, I'm the middle sister. My older sister (OS) lost her son late 2022, so it hasn't even been two years yet. He passed at 6 months due to SIDS. My OS has been mourning him ever since. My little sister (LS) is pregnant with her first child now and she found out it's a boy.
When I was over at her house we were talking about her plans for the pregnancy and the baby and she told me she plans to name her son the name of my OS deceased son and keep it a surprise. I can tell she thought it was an honor thing but knowing my OS, she would be devastated if that happened.
I told my LS I dont think its a good idea and that our OS would not find it to be sweet and an honor it would hurt her even more. We argued about it and she said that I'm being dramatic. Even though I know it was supposed to be a surprise, I knew my older sister would be even more depressed than she already is if our LS named her son after her deceased son so I went against my LS wishes and told my OS.
As I expected she was PISSED. She said it was incredibly disgusting and selfish to do that knowing how fresh it is for her and that she does not want to see a baby with her son's name in the family which I agreed with. She was very grateful that I told her before he was born because she said she doesnt know how badly that would have triggered her.
She of course confronted my LS and they argued about it for a while, with everyone in our family siding with my OS.
My LS called me in tears saying I'm the reason that my OS cut her off and isn't speaking to her because she's STILL going to name her son after our nephew even with my OS begging her not to, saying that she doesnt find it an honor and that it would hurt her to see another child named after her deceased one.
I told my LS shes a horrible person for still going through with this knowing how much it hurts our OS. She says Im an asshole for telling her since it was supposed to be a surprise at birth and that "seeing her nephew with her son's name would make her realize its a good thing" and she's just trying to be a good person and I'm an AH for making them fight. AITA?
People kept it real in the comment section.
sk8rknitr wrote:
NTA. My young adult stepdaughter died suddenly. She was my husband’s first born and he loved her fiercely. I had all I could do to keep him alive for the first few months, his grief was so deep. Two years later my stepson and DIL announced they were pregnant, and shared two names they were thinking of using. No issue with either.
But when my granddaughter was born they named her after my stepdaughter. It was a surprise to everyone, and we all struggled with it. My husband was never able to call his granddaughter by her name (he had a nickname for her that he used) and it hurt every time he heard that name, because it just reminded him of what he had lost.
20 years later, every so often, he would just moan her name and have tears in his eyes. I can only imagine the grief of a parent losing an infant, never being able to call her son’s name again. My stepson and DIL intended it to be an honor and hoped having the name associated with a baby (and a very cute and delightful child she was and still is) would ease everyone’s grief. It did not.
Snarky-Illusion wrote:
NTA- Your little sister isn’t dealing with the consequences of her own actions well and is blaming you. You didn’t do anything wrong. You explained to her it was a bad idea, she’s still going through with it, your older sister is extremely upset by this and your family is upset by this and your little sister is still doing it.
Also losing a child is traumatic and heartbreaking and it would’ve absolutely been so much worse if your older sister came and saw your nephew and your little sister said the name of her deceased child, found out you were aware of this and didn’t say anything.
Peony-Pony wrote:
How old is your younger sister?
OP responded:
She's 26, I'm 28, OS is 30.
TheLastLibrarian1 wrote:
NTA. My sister and her husband considered naming their son after her husband’s late brother who died from SIDS. They checked with the in-laws and decided that even though it was 30 something years later it would be too painful and a reminder of everything their late son never got to do.
It doesn’t matter how much time passes, you carry the grief forever. Your little sister knows this choice will hurt your older sister and she doesn’t care. That lack of empathy and compassion would be my final straw.
cherryblossomyi wrote:
NTA. You did the right thing by telling your older sister. Naming the baby after her deceased son, especially so soon, is an incredibly sensitive issue. It’s not just about honoring him; it’s about respecting your older sister’s grief and emotional boundaries.
Your little sister’s intentions might’ve been good, but she’s disregarding your older sister’s feelings and trauma. You acted as a mediator, and it’s understandable that you wanted to prevent more pain. Your older sister has every right to feel hurt, and it's not fair to dismiss her emotions. This isn’t about drama; it’s about empathy.
SolmaRedditUserNow wrote:
On the face of it, it feels like a terrible idea. This was confirmed by OS, who predictably found it am morbid and otherwise horrifying concept, having one's sister raise a child with the same name as their dead child. That LS is doubling down is just showing how self absorbed she is. NTA.