'AITA for telling my stepmom's sister she needs to take care of my widowed stepmom?'

"AITA for telling the sister of my father's widow that she needs to take care of her sister and leave me alone?"

My mom passed when I (38m) was a young child (7) and my dad remarried when I was 10. His wife believed she was becoming a wife and mom at the same time. But I wanted no new mom and I never cared for her.

I simply tolerated her presence because I believed my dad loved her and was incredibly happy with her. My dad passed several years ago now and he'd written out all his wishes, including being buried with my mom his one true love and he had planned everything and paid for it prior to his death.

I had never felt any love or bond with his wife so after my dad passed I faded from her life. She tried to initiate more contact and she expressed that I was the child she always wanted but could never have due to cancer prior to meeting my dad.

But her feelings were completely one sided. She offered to be a grandma to any future children I would have and I told her it was better for her to just accept I wanted no relationship. Her sister reached out to me in August and informed me my dad's widow is in a nursing facility.

She had developed some form of dementia and was also battling another health issue that escapes me right now. The sister said my dad's widow wanted to see me and the sister wanted me to discuss care options with her. I told her I wasn't interested in visiting and there was nothing for me to discuss regarding her sister's care.

I blocked her number at that point because she was calling me back to back in an attempt for us to speak more. She also left voice messages that were very emotionally driven. I didn't respond. In October a random account DM'd me on social media and I figured it was the sister again. The message said I left my "poor defenseless mother" to rot. I blocked the account and carried on.

At Christmas I got a call from the nursing facility stating the family of my dad's widow had requested they reach out and invite me to see her over the holidays and in an attempt at something the nurse told me that my dad's widow mentioned her son a lot. I explained that I had no interest in visiting and did not wish to receive any further communication about her which the nurse did accept.

Mid-way through last month I had another DM from an account with a very long and very detailed message about the current situation of my dad's widow. I unblocked her on my phone temporarily and I called her and I said I did not want her pestering me anymore and it was getting to be harassment with her clear refusal to accept I wanted nothing to do with this.

I told her my dad's widow was not my problem, she was not my mom and I did not care for her. I told the sister she needed to take care of her sister and leave me alone because I was not involved and I was not family.

I told her if she didn't stop I would get the police involved. I ended the call to her losing her mind over the phone. I blocked her again and followed up by replying to the DM so it was written somewhere that I did not want contact as we had discussed on the phone. AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

No_Pay7992 wrote:

OP keeps mentioning how he 'Didn't accept her' while repeating that the reason he won't visit her is because she 'didn't even adopt him'. Bruh, visiting the woman who spent decades trying to be a positive influence in your life for an hour or two doesn't mean you're accepting the handling of her end of life care.

Because unless your step-mother was burning your old ma's stuff and trying to replace her completely...then no, you're not thirty-eight. You're an emotionally stunted ten year old in a thirty-eight year old body. YTA.

Justmever1 wrote:

You....are outright cruel. This woman is not your mother, but by the sound of you, has done nothing to hurt you and has only wanted to support you. This is all within your rights, sure, and you have no obligations towards her what so ever ( you wouldn't have had that either to your mother, had she been alive), but I cannot see what your stepmother has done to deserve this coldness or cruelty towards her.

Turbulent_Ebb5669 wrote:

No, seems fair. Sister was probably trying to offload your stepmother's care.

OP responded:

That's what it felt like when she wanted me to discuss things. My dad's widow never adopted me so it's not like I would legally be the person for any of those decisions. Her sister is the last family so I assume it would be her.

Suitable_Balance101 wrote:

Your dad, so sorry to say this, was an AH to your step mother wasted her life by never loving her and you have been pretty cruel. It’s nice to be nice and you and your father failed this lady who dedicated her life to support a deceased woman’s family. Sorry I feel that way but I do.

Wrong_Moose9763 wrote:

Sounds like the sister doesn't want to take care of her either, still doesn't change that this isn't your problem. NTA.

I'm sorry about your mom's passing when you were so young, that is always hard and about your dad.

OP responded:

Thank you. Losing my mom was very life altering and it's not something I would wish on any child. The pain never fully goes away.

It does sound like that or that she wants to do less and expects me to step up since they don't have any other family.