'AITA for telling a group of women to leave my son's hospital room so I could dress him in private?'
"AITA for telling a group of women to leave my son's hospital room so I could dress him in private?"
Traditional-Put6216
My 9yo son Loren had his appendix removed this morning. He had a basic understanding of the surgery but the only hang up he had was having to wear nothing but a hospital gown. No socks or underwear.
When we got to the hospital room to get him prepped, he told his mom/my ex and her sister/his aunt to turn or to leave when he had to undress. Obviously he was fine with my being there and needed help.
After the surgery, me, my ex,her sister, her 13yo niece and my 18yo son were in the recovery room. He were waiting for Loren to sober up and get discharged. He started to come to and whispered to me that he wanted to put clothes on because wasn't comfortable wearing nothing but a gown in front of three girls.
At that same time, a female nurse came in to get his vitals and was talking to my ex. I asked if they could all step outside so I could help Loren get dressed. They looked bewildered at my request. The nurse then said she'd help me dress him because my son was still a bit weak. I said no thanks. My teen son will help out.
She asked if I was serious by asking her to leave over this and I said yes. My son doesn't feel comfortable getting dressed in front of four females. The nurse said she's been a nurse for years and has heard of anything crass.
I said you're comfortable, my son isn't and your being insensitive is what's crass and clueless. My said I was being dramatic. They left and me and my other son got him dressed.
My ex called me and said that I owe her and everyone else an apology. I refused. I said if the roles were reversed then you'd have a very different opinion. Also Loren has to take a bath for the next few days and she was crazy if she was expecting Loren to let her wash him or even be in the bathroom with him.
It's different with me or his brother or friends and I don't have to convince her for me to be right. For the record, the gown he was wearing was made out of paper. It wasn't even cloth. My son was dying to get out of it. He was basically naked.
I don't think my son would had minded a male nurse at all but since me and my older son was there the thought of requesting a male nurse didn't cross my mind. I don't know if they had a male nurse available at that moment because the nurse made a comment that they were short staffed but all qualified.
I wasn't going to argue with her over who got to put on my son's Minecraft underwear or zipped his hoodie. It's a waste of my time. She did mention how she didn't want him to get hurt with my dressing him and I said then you best let me handle it because he'll fight you.
The OP updated their post several hours later.
Traditional-Put6216
I did have to take him back to the hospital this morning because he couldn't pee but had to. He was in a lot of pain. At the hospital, I àsked if a nurse was going to see my son before or after his male doctor and they said yes.
I asked for a male and they said they'd ask the head nurse. She asked why it was so important to have a male nurse. I told her we can schedule an appointment to fight over it after my son sees the doctor.
They did find a male nurse and my son was totally relaxed around him. The male nurse said a lot of female nurses take it personal when patients ask for a male nurse and it's always been that way. Fortunately my son didn't need a catheter and is fine.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Poncoso
NTA. Children, too, have the right to respect for their modesty from an early age. What's more, 9 is an age when children definitely don't feel like changing in front of a bunch of spectators.
This nurse was very unprofessional. As a healthcare professional, she had to be made aware of the need to respect patients' modesty. This child was not alone, you were there to help him, so her presence was not necessary.
Thank goodness you were there to be your son's voice. I really don't understand the reaction of those in the room. If I'd been there, I'd have been uncomfortable violating the privacy of a 9-year-old child and I'd have immediately left. Your request was perfectly reasonable and your son's privacy is very important. Continue to protect him.
Book_81
And if she were so concerned that a medical professional needed to be there to assist, she could've gotten a male nurse to step in.
forgetregret1day
That nurse was 100% out of line and I’d personally say something to the facility about her unprofessional attitude. She needs to learn some empathy for her patients, regardless of their age. Your son was very clear in what made him comfortable and there was no reason for her to question you as his parent and make that snotty comment.
I’m just baffled that your ex and all the other females in that room thought it was appropriate them to stay in a place where a a 9 year old boy was dressing. He deserves the same respect for his privacy as any adult and damn skippy they’d be shooing any males out if he was a girl.
I’m a mom to 2 sons and it’s boy mom 101 at that age that they want their dad/another male if they need help. The whole bunch of them should be ashamed of themselves. I hope your son is healing well and NTA.
SigSauerPower320
NTA. Your son has every right to have people respecting his wishes. Your ex, the aunt, the RN, and anyone else that has a problem with this are clueless. You are 100% correct.
If it were a mother asking the father/uncle to leave the room for a female child they'd fully expect you to get off your duff and get the hell out of the room ASAP without asking any questions.
As a parent of a 10 year old, I respect my child's request for me to not be in the room when they shower. If they need me, they can yell for me. It's a small sign of respect that everyone deserves.
IAmHerdingCatz
Hi OP. I'm an RN and I'd like to assure you that you are NTA. I find it very difficult to believe that no one has ever asked that nurse to give them privacy before, and even if true then it's high time someone did.
You ex also needs to lighten up. Your son is reaching the age where he isn't going to want his mom seeing him naked anymore. It's developmentally appropriate for him to seek more independence. She needs to let him grow.