'AITA for threatening to sue my parents for taking out student loans in my name?' MAJOR UPDATE
"AITA for threatening to sue my parents for taking out student loans in my name?"
I graduated college 4 years ago and I rarely speak to my mother or father. Maybe 2-3 times a year and even then it’s only for a few minutes, they refused to let me play sports in high school or have a social life and they’ve basically cut me out of their lives since I and about 75 other people got a city drinking ticket 7 years ago in college.
Since I live about 800 miles away, I only go back to my hometown once a year either for Thanksgiving or Christmas, most years I stay with a friend or at a hotel, last year I stayed with my parents. No way in hell am I going back for either this year. Just about 5 months before I graduated college, my parents bought a boat. I know they got a good deal on it and they have used it a lot.
They took it out of the water for the season in early October. I’ve literally never seen it in person, just pictures from Facebook. Last week I had texted my father (first contact since March) and let him know I would be able to make it back for Christmas.
About a minute later he called and over the course of 5 minutes explained how he and my mother decided since their last child was about through college, they would buy a boat. The only problem was they didn’t have the ~$20,000 to buy it. What was their solution? Take out a student loan in my name of course! My mailing address was always their house through college so I was none the wiser.
Why was my dad telling me about it now 4 years after the fact? Because they can’t pay it back, they actually never paid any of it back. They kept putting it in forbearance but that ran out early this year.
Fast forward 7 or 8 missed payments later and my dad tells me the only reason he’s telling me now is because he doesn’t want me to bring it up at Christmas and he knows it’s going to default in a month or two. His exact words were “If you’re going to make a big deal about this it’s best if you don’t come home this year."
He also said it’s “about $25,000” is what I would need to pay it off. I hung up and just sat in shock for a couple of minutes. I called my brother yesterday and told him what was happening and that I think I’m going to sue them for whatever it takes to pay off the loan. I still don’t know what that amount is yet, I should probably find out by next week.
I’m cool with my brother and he’s cool with my parents and I’m sure he probably talked to them because this morning I get a text from my mom just saying “Do NOT sue us”. I texted her back saying she would need to immediately pay off the entire loan and show me proof. She texts back that I need to grow up. Obviously I’m not even going to respond to that.
The boat is probably worth half of what they paid for it by now and with the hours they’ve put on it. I don’t know if they have the money or not to pay up immediately if I sue them but I figure I can at least garnish their wages. My other brother called and asked me to hold off a few months before doing anything that it was sh--ty of them to do that but to give them a chance to start paying if off.
The internet had a lot of comments and questions to add.
RiflemanLax wrote:
Sue them?
Bro, I'm a fraud investigator. Don't sue them. Or at least, don't JUST sue them. Call the non-emergency line and have an officer come out and take a police report. Then contact the lender, explain the situation, and send them the report.
That loan will come right off your report, assuming the investigators are halfway competent. You actually aren't even required to file the police report per law, it just helps slide things along. Your parents said they took out a loan and can't pay it back. You shouldn't be worrying about that at all. It's fraud, THEY should be worrying about that.
richardnoogens wrote:
If they got the loan in your name they had to have forged your signature, so you can go yto the bank and explain that the loan was not yours and your parents committed fraud. They may go to prison for it but they did it to themselves.
They may have gotten a PLUS loan where they are responsible for repayment and that would not be yours to pay back, you need to check on that. If you didn't sign an agreement with a bank or fed student loan, you are not responsible for the loan.
upstartgiant wrote:
NTA. You are being gaslit. Do not think of this as you choosing between your credit and your parents. Think of this as your parents choosing between you and a boat (and they chose the boat). This is a huge betrayal; your relationship with your parents may not survive it but that is not your fault.
Momof3dragons2012 wrote:
See if you can get them to admit this in writing. Text them “so let me get this straight. You took out a student loan in my name for $20k without my knowledge to buy a boat, you tell me that you’ve let it go into default, and are expecting me to pay it back?” And then keep ALL responses. Including the demand that you not sue.
I’m gonna tell you should you choose to do nothing those loans are going to be a monkey on your back for decades. I have a pretty high student loan, and they are relentless.
The interest rates are insane, they can sell your loan at will to another company, which can really screw up your payments as loan companies have different rules. You will be penalized if you try to pay it off early bc they want their interest money.
This will affect your ability to buy a home or car. Your parents are not worth trying to keep a relationship with. They knowingly saddled you with a huge debt so they could buy a toy, and now you aren’t allowed to even show anger. They are selfish AHs and the best thing you can do is file a police report, and let the cops and the lender do the rest.
thesweetestpunch wrote:
They stole $20,000 from you, f--ked up your credit, and made it sound like it was your problem, not theirs. Your life is better without them. I recommend finding a friend who can host you for Christmas because F--K THEM. Speaking as someone who cut off a selfish parent: it’s tough at first but it is the best decision you will ever make. And file that report.
haymitchs wrote:
In this situation, wouldn't it be better to file a police report, and notify the credit bureaus of the fraud rather than sue? In suing, are you not taking responsibility for repaying the loan? I know little about this but, if you file a fraud complaint with the police and forward the report to the credit bureaus, the loan would be removed from your credit altogether?
Personally after this, I wouldn't give a sh-t what my parents thought of me. I would be looking out for my best interests and mine alone. I would be going to the p-lice, not to a civil lawyer.
junielade84 wrote:
NTA. Dude I’m so sorry. My Mom took $2,000 from me once without asking. It was pretty devastating but at least she stole cash. I can’t imagine if she had taken out a loan, with interest. You need to sue them, unfortunately they haven’t left you a way to not involve the authorities. I don’t know of anyone has ever told you this, so I’m going to. I’m so sorry you didn’t get the family you deserve.
A year later, OP shared an update.
This update has a happy ending of sorts. Basically what happened is that I did end up having to make a p-lice report about what happened. My parents weren't arrested but they were charged with deceptive practice.
As part of a negotiated deal, they agreed to become responsible for the debt and they received 12 months of court supervision. The student loan company removed the loans from my name then made it clear they planned on suing my parents and myself.
My parents for obvious reasons and myself because I benefited from the cr-me (my degree). My parents and I spoke to a lawyer who agreed that they probably could come after me for at least some of the debt. Our lawyer and their in-house counsel came up with a deal that basically said if I paid half myself, they'd forever give up their right to sue me or try to collect the other half from me.
I wasn't crazy about the deal but it's cheaper than going to court where I'd likely be found to be jointly liable with my parents for the full ~$25,000 and attorney fees. I paid my part of it three months ago and it's like I've never had student loans.
Nothing on my record at all regarding it. My parents sold the boat for a loss and are making payments on the remainder of the balance. They've apologized to me pretty profusely about it and I do think they are remorseful. As a cherry on top, my brother told me they opened a credit card in his name around the same time they took out the student loans.
He only found out after going to purchase a house and the loan officer asked him about it. That was paid off in full before he found out about it though. I speak to my parents maybe once a month now, more than in the past and our relationship is still fairly cool but not nearly as bad as what it was. Also, I definitely did not go to Christmas last year, I think I will be going this year though.
Edit regarding why I may have been found jointly liable: My parents paid 50% of my rent my senior year of college, I also (unhappily while interviewing) lived with them for half a year after school. They asked for half and wiped it off of my credit forever.
It's more than 50% of rent but I was done with it. I have a decently-paying job now and wanted to move on. I did a crappy job of wording it but they sold the boat for ~$9000 (paid to the lender), I paid ~$8000 (a little more than what half of my rent was) and they are making payments on their ~$8000. Apologies for not being more clear.
Edit 2: Alright maybe I should have gotten a differently lawyer. I just wanted it to go away with no lawsuit. Looking like that was short-sighted. Overall, I'm ok with it. I never paid my parents back for the 50% rent in college, they were just going to let it be, I feel like I've made up for that now. Just don't get a sh--ty lawyer.
The internet was happy to hear how things shook out.
IsitWHILEiPEE wrote:
After all of this, how is your credit score?
OP responded:
Pretty good, no judgement, no collections, the student loan account is gone, like I never had it.
Missy789987 wrote:
I’m confused. I thought you had finished your degree. How did you benefit from your parents taking out a student loan in your name if you were no longer in college/uni and you never received a cent?
OP responded:
They paid half of my rent my last year in school and I lived with them for 6 months after graduating. It was an awkward 6 months and I was happy as hell to be out of there.
bruh31198 wrote:
Youre awesome for giving an update.
Where’s the juicy stuff. Did they apologize? You’re thinking of going for Christmas this year, are you just super forgiving or what?
I’d be beyond pissed and maybe I’m just petty but I don’t think I’d forgive something so selfish and rude. Your mom telling you to “grow up” for being mad about them basically stealing 25000 from you and lying about it? that’s blood boiling territory lol
OP responded:
They did apologize and I think they really did realize how it could have really f--ked up my life. I think I worded the OP badly. They sold the boat for $9000, I paid $8000 and they are making payments on the other $8000.