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'AITA to leave my ex best friend during her pregnancy? She was ignoring me.' UPDATED

'AITA to leave my ex best friend during her pregnancy? She was ignoring me.' UPDATED


Sadly, not all friendships last forever. And they can end in very disappointing ways.

"AITA to leave my ex best friend during her pregnancy?"

I (25F) had been with my best friend Jessica (24F) for over 5 years, we met while we were both working at McDonald’s when we were both 18, started the same day and became best friends ever since.

Even though our lives turned out quite differently, as I ended up finishing my degree and became an accountant, and Jess became a janitor at the university, I still loved her very very much and we maintained to be our original self as when we were 18. All this until a year and a half ago, while she’s working at the university, she met this fella “Funnel” who’s 69 years old two years ago and starting to see him romantically.

At first I wasn’t a fan of the relationship, as there’s such an age difference. But Jess moved in with him and I started to accept their “relationship” and got to know this Funnel guy…. Funnel has two daughters in their late 40’s and a son in his early 30’s, has grandkids in their late teens and early 20’s. Overall, this guy makes me so uncomfortable as he is quite creepy(?) but hey as long as Jess is happy, I’m happy.

About half a year ago, I recognize that Jess’s body changed and asked if had her period, she answered no, so we went and got some pregnancy test. Of course, it came back all positive (all three of them).

She stated that she hasn’t had her period for over two months. When we found out, I offered anything I could possibly think of, driving her as she does not have a car or license, offered her financial assistance as I make significantly more then she does and shelter as I own my house and has spare rooms, as she never paid rent in her life (she lived with her mother before she moved in with the old fella).

I basically told her that whatever she needs I will be there, but first thing first we need to go see a OBGYN. She said yes and I drove her home, two days later I asked if she want to book an appointment and when should I take some time off work to take her to these appointments. She basically told me she had her period and she doesn’t think she is pregnant.

I stated ok we still need to go see a doctor and get you check since it may be a misc#rriage, she then basically ghosted me. I tried reaching out multiple times and got 0 answers or reply, her mother even reached out to me to see if I have been in contact with her as she had not been in contact with her for awhile, which is super unusual for her as we are constantly in contact.

I was super worried about her well being as the old fella might be controlling and telling her that she can’t share her pregnancy with anyone, as we live in a small town. After three weeks of trying to contacting her, I gave up and told her that if she doesn’t want my help or want me in her life anymore I will be happy to cut contact with her. No reply. So I blocked her number, her social media.

Now half a year later, I found out she is very pregnant, still living with the old fella that’s probably gonna d*e sooner than later due to him being an alc*holic and have history of cancer, leaving her with nothing as he does not own anything and lives paycheck to paycheck. AITAH to just leave her knowing that her and the baby will struggle?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

skorvia wrote:

NTA. She has what she looked for, she also stopped talking to you, she abandoned you and preferred to stay with an old man twice her age. She stopped talking to you, why should you be the one to come back?

OP responded:

I guess I just want to get through her what she’s signing up for if she does not have any support, she hates her mother and has no other friends.

TwoBionicknees wrote:

Wait, you thought she might be being controlled by a man who has an entire family behind him, so you called a few times and gave up then blocked her? Cutting off people doesn't make you the AH, but it sounds like you suspecting something was wrong but made nearly no effort to check on her them very carelessly threw her away.

Like not going over there with maybe her mother as well and physically seeing her, demanding to talk with her and find out if everything is okay, for me, makes YTA.

OP responded:

She’s 24, his family probably does not know about the pregnancy as he introduced her to them as his “roommate." I texted and call 10x if not 20x times with no responses, even with ultimatums that if she doesn’t get back to me I will have to cut contact due to my own mental health.

SignificantCar7840 wrote:

Honey you did everything you could possibly do to help your best friend out for her to put anything on you at this point is ridiculous you are a wonderful best friend you even offer her financial assistance and free living --I personally can't think of anything that you could possibly do for her that you haven't already offered to do. you're a good friend...remember that.

ExtentGlittering8715 wrote:

You blocked your alleged best friend from your life, after 3 weeks of no communication? Did you look for her at work? her home? Did she say or do something horrible to you, other than not answering for 3 weeks? I don't get why the cut off. YTA for cutting off someone with life problems, who did nothing horrible to you.

OP responded:

I don’t think I’ve updated this. I initially blocked her after a month of ignoring my calls, and texts. I did visit her work. At one point I needed to stop as it could be viewed as harassment. However I unblocked her after 2 weeks, I still send occasional texts like “ happy birthday” or “merry Christmas” it all got me no response.

IrishGal-1965 wrote:

I’ll probably get downvoted for this but here goes. OP don’t give up on her. For all you know she could be getting ab#sed by “ the old guy “ and doesn’t want anyone to know about it. Give her some time.

Four months later, OP shared another update.

Here’s the update.

Jess(24) had the baby, and after 10 months of no contact, she reached out.

We went for coffee, and she updated me what happened in those 10 months, and admitted she cut me off on purpose, as she is jealous of my accomplishments. The 70-year-old baby daddy is now 71 and he asked not to be on the birth certificate and he’s not, he hid the baby from his family (3 adult kids in their 40s). He was not there during the delivery and didn’t even bother going to the hospital.

She got kicked out of his apartment and living with her abusive mother, where she desperately wanna move out. The reason why she reached out is due to she ran out of money due to her shopping addiction and she now needs support. She asked if she could stay at one of my rental properties for free or if she can borrow some money from me.

It was a pretty easy decision for me, as I told her straight up that I’m not a ATM machine and if she would’ve kept me as a friend 10 months ago I would’ve consider to help her. However, I am still willing to be friends and work on our friendship. She was pretty upset about it and said that since I am so well off I should help her.

I told her no again and said we will revisit this conversation again if we maintain friends. Well, since that conversation I invited her to have lunch and coffee a few times. And stop paying for things and driving her around like I did before. She pretty much stopped communicating with me immediately. I guess my question is AITAH to put her out on the streets?

The comments kept coming.

dheffe01 wrote:

NTA, it's called child support for a reason she needs to get it.

OP responded:

Can she get child support if he’s not on the birth certificate?

Raedriann wrote:

Of course, getting out of child support 100% free and clear is as easy as not signing the birth certificate. That's why paternity cases don't exist, and you've never heard of women finding out which boyfriend gathered their child and getting support. Seriously, how is this a question?

Yes, she made it harder for herself, but she can go to court and demand he take a paternity test. If he refuses, the court will presume he's the father and order support based on his earning capability.

Chaoticgood790 wrote:

Imagine F-ing an old dude and not securing money. Your friend is a few crayons short and all that. She can get a job like everyone else.

OP wrote:

She had a job as a janitor, but now on EI (employment Insurance) due to maternity leave.

Guilty-Web7334 wrote:

Oh, I take it you’re in Canada? At his age, he’d be receiving Canadian pension. Are there survivorship benefits with Canadian Pension plan like there is with US social security? As an aside, though, if she’s low income with no father on record, her Child Tax Benefit will be minimum $600-700/month.

So she should be somewhat okay between EI, CTB, and the Baby Bonus. Not rolling in it, but if her mother isn’t making her pay rent/utilities, she should be okay. She just has to not be an idiot.

OP responded:

Yes, I am in Canada. He has pension, old age pension, Canadian pension plan AND income from working. She has Child Benefits which is $660 per month. EI which is $800 something bi-weekly (or weekly). But she has shopping addiction, each time we go out she spends $200 on random stuff like new clothes or jewelries. No child support from baby daddy so far tho.

Pretty_Little_Mind wrote:

She’s a fool if she’s doesn’t file for child support and establishes paternity through the courts. If the man dies while her child is a minor, I would think the child would receive SS benefits. That being said, she does not sound trustworthy or prudent with money.

OP responded:

She said the guy “promised” to leave some money in his will. Nothing is written down obviously.

friendlily wrote:

NTA. She doesn't want to be friends. She wants to use you for what you can provide to her. I'd block her and be done with it. Or send one last text to her that she needs to sue him for child support. There will be a DNA test and it will prove he's the father. A birth cert. not being signed doesn't matter.

Sources: Reddit
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