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'WIBTA if I told my younger sister’s fiancé that she lied to him when they first met?' UPDATED 2X

'WIBTA if I told my younger sister’s fiancé that she lied to him when they first met?' UPDATED 2X


The truth has a way of coming out into the light.

"WIBTA if I told my younger sister’s fiancé that she lied about my older sister when they met?"

My older sister: Kay (f32)

My younger sister: Jess (f28)

My younger sister’s fiancé: Matt(m32)

Kay and Matt met at work about 2,5-3 years ago. He was hired in as a consultant at her company on a few months assignment. They became close but nothing happened because they probably didn’t think it was professional.

I think both (or I know that my sister at least) was hoping that it would develop to something more when his assignment was completed. Kay is a very shy and private person but even with that she couldn’t stop talking about Matt to Jess and me.

When she turned 30, we encouraged her to invite him too with the rest of her close friends from work. She was very hesitant and panicked at first but then she thought yeah why not, his assignment was almost done anyway.

Matt and Jess met at that party. Six months later Jess told us that she and Matt are a couple. This devastated Kay and I knew that even if she held herself together and pretended to be happy for them. I almost made her confess her heartbreak to me because I couldn’t just let her hurt alone without any support.

Kay said that after her birthday Matt changed towards her and was even a bit angry. Then when he left he stopped talking to her all together. Kay said that she probably misinterpreted his interest in her. I know that she is still heartbroken about it. Matt was assigned with her company some more times again and it was awkward at first but eventually they were friends again.

Now he is a part of the family. Kay never showed that she’s hurt. Now I found out that Jess told Matt that Kay had a bf at that birthday party. Matt is very handsome and lovely and Jess basically wanted him. Matt was shocked at first because he was hoping for something more but he probably just thought that he too misinterpreted my Kay’s interest in him.

He is very shy too. After the party he probably decided to cut his losses and not pursue Kay. Jess however kept contacting him. Asking him out. Being supportive. First he refused but then they started dating. How do I know all that? Jess’s roommate spilled the beans to me thinking I knew everything (I am closer to Jess than Kay).

Matt has now proposed to Jess.

I feel sick because I want to tell Matt what happened so he makes an informed decision. Marriage is not a game. At the same time, he and Jess seem to be perfect for each other and the love is genuine.

Maybe he was interested in Kay yes, but obviously it wasn’t that deep? Also Kay? I want to tell her but she seems okay with the relationship too. She made it clear that Matt and Jess obviously meant to be or it wouldn’t have happened. But I want to tell. Would I be the AH if I told everyone what happened?

The internet had a lot of comments and questions to add.

z-eldaphin wrote:

Wow - sister is ...something. She certainly didn't consider anyone else when she made her decisions back then. I would probably say something so he can make an informed decision, but be prepared for the backlash.

OP responded:

The thing is, Jay and Matt are great together. He and kay are so much alike, yes . Both shy and introverted and very calm. But Jay is a social butterfly and he has even said that she has taken him out of his shell. So I don’t know. My only thought is, I would have wanted to know. But if I tell, I am ready for the backlash.

Ms_Saphira wrote:

I would tell Matt. This isn't about Jay or Kay being with him but that his whole relationship was built on a lie! Jay caught him because of a lie. He deserves to know the truth. What she did wasn't fair to him or Kay. And frankly I would limit contact with Jay.

She is clearly selfish. She knew how Kay felt. I would also tell Kay. Clearly Jay is not to be trusted! What else has she done to hurt Kay? What else has she stolen??? NTA.

OP responded:

A bf when we were younger. Jay was 15 at the time so obviously the blame lied with the guy who was 20. It was grooming and nobody put the blame on Jay but yeah she got together with Kay’s first bf.

Bluegreen_1956 wrote:


Absolutely tell him. He needs to know what a conniving liar he is about to marry.

He may never get with Kay, but he certainly needs to be saved from Jay.

BeardManMichael wrote:

Honestly, I would tell the truth but be prepared for consequences. What your younger sister did was cold and calculating which suggests that the consequences could be severe.

NTA. How do you think Matt will react to the truth?

OP responded:

They love each other very well so maybe it would just be a test of their love. If it doesn’t survive then I will know for sure that I did the right thing anyway because he has the right to make informed decisions.

Negative_Emu1732 wrote:

A marriage based on a lie or manipulation is not a good thing. These type of things tend to come out later and cause much bigger problems. You don't need to directly tell him. Just mention it while talking with him like "yeah, she was single for a year [insert another event near birthday]. aa, you and jay also meet around that time, right?", he will figure it out on his own.

OP responded:

Wow maybe that is a great idea.

Five days later, OP shared an update.

So yesterday I did it. I know many here advised me to keep out of it but I chose to go with my guts. Honestly I have been very angry with Jess and basically I thought it was time that she learned the consequences of her actions. If her and Matt’s relationship is strong and real then nothing would come between them. If it isn’t, then I did the right thing. Most importantly I did right by Kay.

I used the opportunity that I introduced my gf to my family yesterday. Mom teased Kay about being “the only one left”. I asked loudly I can’t believe that it had been 4 years since Kay had a bf.

Since her ex went home and pandemic hit so he couldn’t fly back so he announced his engagement to another woman on fb and that’s how Kay knew it was over between them. Jess was very nervous and wanted to change the subject but Matt was shocked over how someone would do this to their gf. I don’t think he really did the math at first and he didn’t react. I was annoyed tbh.

So I insisted, “Yeah when she introduced you at her 30th party I really thought she had a crush on you because she never shut up about you but a few months later you and Jess got together.” I said that it was confusing and surely not only for me but the rest of the family but then again Jess has done this before and stole Kay’s first bf.

This was followed by the loudest silence. I knew I went too far this time but I couldn’t control my anger towards Jess and I wasn’t going to sit there and hope Matt would connect the dots himself.

Everyone was very silent and Jess was looking daggers at me. Matt didn’t say anything and Kay was angry too and said that it was long time ago. Matt and Jess left shortly afterwards and Kay asked me why I would embarrass her. I told her that Jess had lied to Matt about her having a bf at her birthday party two years ago and that’s why Matt ghosted her because he thought she (Kay) was playing him.

Kay was shocked so she didn’t know as I expected. Mom was shocked too. This morning Kay called. She wanted to know more. She told me that she was very heartbroken for the longest time and confused to why Matt ghosted her but now she knows at least even though she had hoped that he liked her a bit more to talk to her before ghosting her.

I said that I believe she deserved better than him and she laughed and agreed. Now I know that I have made the right decision at least by my sister which is the most important thing to me right now.

Haven’t heard from Matt or Jess so I don’t know if they’ll stay together or not. All I know was that they were supposed to be on a weekend mini trip to see a venue on the coast and this trip was canceled because Jess usually shares on her stories and they haven’t left town this weekend. I feel saddened of course but not sure if I feel guilty. Maybe it will hit me later. I don’t know.

The comments kept coming.

UnluckyYou3574 wrote:

You did do right by Kay and that’s the part that matters. I agree Matt is kind of a dodo and not worth it. He could have just teased and asked Kay “hey! I heard you have a boyfriend! Why are you hiding him?” This could have all been cleared up by simple communication! Also Jay is clearly a menace. I’d be careful around her if I were you.

No-County1351 wrote:

NTA. With all due disrespect to your younger of the 2 sisters; holy crap is she a c*nt!

While this may cause some strife in the family for awhile, you did the best thing in the long run.

Quix66 wrote:

You did the right thing! So glad Kay now understands what happened, Matt was told the truth so he can decide for himself what to do about Jay, whether to marry the manipulative liar or not.

Jay deserved being exposed.

craftySu wrote:

I really think you needed to do this to get transparency for yourself and Kay. I think it’s a little unfair to Matt, he was told Kay had a boyfriend and respected that boundary. He must have noticed there wasn’t a boyfriend around once he started dating Jay but it probably felt too late then. I feel sorry for him, he was totally played as was Kay.

notastepfordwife wrote:

If you're going to blow up the situation, you shouldn't have beaten around the bush. "Jay lied to you about Kay having a boyfriend because she had the hots for you, but knew you and Kay had the hots for each other."

Agreeable-League366 wrote:

Matt's not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to relationships. You had to bust out the crayons to get your point across. Now he has to take some time to process what happened. Then he probably has to take time to consider how else she has manipulated him.

All while she is probably trying to manipulate the situation. It used to be easy for her but maybe the blinders are off now. All best done before marriage.

Overall, I would count this as a success.

OP responded:

I don’t think he thought about it or even remembered that Kay was supposed to have had a bf when he met Jay. He seems smart otherwise.

OhNo-HereIGo wrote:

I think you did the right thing. I'm so glad you have Kay's back, and I hope Kay has yours as well! Wishing you both the best going forward.

Updateme - I'm very curious to see how this plays out with Jay and Matt.

OP responded:

Yeah she has my back since she promised not to reveal that I did all those on purpose. So long it is just an innocent comment.

ceokc13 wrote:

You did the right thing…I’m still curious whether or not Matt figured it out, he doesn’t seem too bright.

OP responded:

He probably figured it out by now. Honestly, after my talk to Kay, I think I accomplished my goal. It was to let Kay know and understand that she is not less than.

Four days later, OP shared another update.

Yes. Matt broke up with Jess and Jess is angry with me but she just thinks that it was an innocent comment. Matt however wrote Kay a text explaining everything so now everyone knows “that way” (Kay and mom knew already but they acted like they only heard it from Matt).

Still Jess is angry with me and has unfollowed me everywhere saying I ruined her happiness. I texted her that if her relationship was real, it would have survived an innocent comment like the one I made. Kay called me and she said that Matt has apologized and explained everything to her.

She has “forgiven” him although she said there was nothing to forgive really since she truly believes that things weren’t meant to be. They are staying friends however and they are very close friends. Jess called Kay a b#$ch and blocked her everywhere and wrote a nasty comment about her on INSTAGRAM that she was a man stealer then unfollowed her.

My mom is very distraught now but I think she will survive. I will survive too and I still have no feelings of guilt about what I did. I am starting to think that I really did do the right thing and I am proud of myself for it. As Kay said , things that are meant to be happens.

The internet was glad to hear an update.

Beginning-Path-3632 wrote:

You should be rightfully proud of yourself!

Not Jay projecting with her "man stealer" comment directed at Kay 💀

Kay seems very wise.

UncleNedIsDead wrote:

Don’t feel guilt. Relationships that start on lies (such as a huge one Jay told Matt) would mean the relationship wouldn’t have lasted anyways. You just make sure that Matt was aware that his relationship had started based on a lie Jay told. What he decided to do with that information was up to him.

It appears he does not appreciate being manipulated into thinking someone was unavailable and leading him on. If shining a light on Jay’s actions makes Jay look bad, she has no one to blame but herself. It’s probably best if she takes herself away from Kay’s orbit so she doesn’t mess with Kay’s life any further. You did the right thing and didn’t cover up for a liar and a cheat.

Comfortable-Echo972 wrote:

Let’s unpack how Jay got to be so entitled and this isn’t even the first time she has done this. I wouldn’t trust her as a sister or friend. She’s a spoiled brat.

Sources: Reddit
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