"AITA for turning down $2000 and essentially excluding my family from my wedding?"

"AITA for turning down $2000 and essentially excluding my family from my wedding?"

My fiancé (31) and I (26) have been together for five years and engaged for three. We set a wedding date but had to postpone due to other financial responsibilities. We now have a set date for June 2025.

We had a difficult time finding a venue so the second we did we made a deposit and set the date in stone. The date is what is the biggest issue with my family. So for context, my family is extremely religious. I grew up in the religion and the second I turned 18 I left it.

I live in the same town as my family and have not wanted to cut all ties so I try to be as respectful of their beliefs as I can. They are against things like all jewelry, even wedding bands, strapless dresses and anything immodest, and so on. Dancing, music, and alcohol are also evil to them, basically all aspects of a wedding reception.

I have even had emotional moments knowing that I will never have a father-daughter dance because my dad is so against it. Anyways, due to our schedule and many of our guests schedule, our wedding will be on Saturday, which is my family’s religious day. I have also paid the venue extra to reserve Sunday for clean up so that people can return to work by Monday.

I have gotten grief about this from all of my family, including my sisters, because they feel that this is breaking their religious day. This has been very irritating and one sister has been manipulative about it but I got through it and thought that they have accepted it. Well, that was not at all the case.

I will also point out that our wedding is entirely on my fiancé and I financially and it is possible but definitely a strain. I got the invitations made and sent, and I received a text from my father. He asked “is there any way I could you to change the date to Sunday?” I responded “I’m sorry but no” to which he replied, “even for two thousand dollars?”

I took this extremely offensively at first, like he was bribing me to change my wedding date, that he is able and willing to help financially but only if it aligns with him. After cooling down I gave a very diplomatic response telling him that I have already paid for the venue, and this would not be possible.

I also explained that I understand my families’ beliefs and I know that they will not be able to help with set up or anything, and will be there only for the ceremony as I expect them to leave before the reception. I also told him that he could give a financial gift at any time for our wedding or honeymoon on the fund I set up.

Quite honestly, I do not want any of my family at the reception because they will be uncomfortable and judging everyone the entire time. So AITA for turning down $2000? It would help immensely. Should my family be welcome at my reception? Should I disinvite them all altogether?

The internet had a lot to say about the dynamic.

pamelaonthego wrote:

I don’t think people appreciate how hard it is when your family is part of a cult. No dancing or moderate imbibing? It’s not much of a party, now is it? You are just trying to have them present for the ceremony while still having a fun reception so you don’t burn whatever bit of relationship you have left with them to the ground. I think turning down the money was the right decision. NTA.

Basic-Regret-6263 wrote:

NAH. It's fair that you decided not to do a Sunday wedding because all the other guests wouldn't want to party on a work night. It's fair that your family doesn't want a Saturday wedding for their own religious reasons, and is even willing to chip in money to try and make that work.

It's fair that you don't think that the money is worth ruining a good Saturday night party for, and that any family members who can't bring themselves to show up on Saturday would have showed up miserable and judgemental about the party aspect of the event on Sunday. Sometimes different people want different things.

InValuAbled wrote:

I come from a place where a wedding can stretch a few days. So here's a hot unpopular take. You've already reserved the venue for the Saturday and Sunday. Have the dancing part reception on a Saturday, but ask your dad to use that 2K to hire a cleaning person and set up a simple buffet style brunch on Sunday for the rest of the family.

Booze isn't allowed anyway, so it won't be expensive.

That way, you can have the party you want, and your religious folks can also celebrate your nuptials.

NTA whatever you decide, it seems like you are not interested in having your family around. But grudges over this type of exclusion last long, and life has a way of making you need your family for support at some point. Is it really a hill you want to die on? Either way, it's up to you and you're not an ass for wanting your day your way. Good luck, and congratulations!

Just-Lurking1122 wrote:

NTA, it’s your wedding, you do get to decide. However, this will create a wedge, maybe even a rift, between you and your family. You aren’t respecting their religion. It’s okay- you don’t have to, but at the end of it, that’s what they will come away with.

Personally, I had a Muslim bridesmaid so I didn’t make my wedding date on Eid because I knew that would make her choose between me or her religion. That was what I wanted to do for her. You don’t have to do anything for your family if you don’t want to. Is it being kind to your family, no, but that can’t always be your priority. Choose your priorities here.