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'AITA for STILL being upset that my father purposefully missed my high school graduation?' UPDATED

'AITA for STILL being upset that my father purposefully missed my high school graduation?' UPDATED

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"AITAH for STILL being upset that my father purposefully missed my high school graduation last year?"

I’m 19, I graduated high school at the top of my class.

I then moved away for university, takes 20 hours now by plane to see my dad.

Anyways, I digress.

My dad missed my high school graduation because he wanted to visit his family who live in another country. He goes every year. Sure, he has limited holiday dates but he could’ve arranged to come to my graduation. Now I’m back home for the holidays (which mind you took forever to come back to) and I’m still angry at him. Mind you, he never apologised.

In fact, I’m angry at my whole family because when I bring it up to my mom or sister they just say “what do you want me to do about it” and to get over it because apparently high school graduation is not a big deal. I'm miserable at home because I still think they are s--t parents. And the fact that they can see me cry and still blame me upsets me further.

He bought me a necklace as a sorry gift I guess and they do take me around to do stuff time to time but I think purposefully missing a graduation is unforgivable. I admit that my bad mood is ruining the whole family visiting - and my dad told me to cherish the time we have together because I probably won’t be back soon - but I just can’t forgive them especially when there aren’t any apologies.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Edit: Since some are asking. He missed most of my birthdays, didn’t get gifts for them. And we didn’t speak for about a year during high school. He used to have extreme angry outbursts and threatens me. After my high school graduation with some distance, his behaviour improved.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

pinkbaby2024 wrote:

NTA. Who needs a graduation when you can have a family reunion in another country? Clearly, your dad has his priorities straight...like visiting people he sees every year instead of celebrating the one time you graduated.

OP responded:

I guess what bothers me as well is that they bought my sister two dresses, we all came and they made such a big deal out of it too. I paid for my own dress, didn’t get any flowers or gifts. They don’t seem to understand why this still hurts. It’s even worse because my dad spent 2 months with his family instead of doing anything with me after graduating.

Wonderfulsophie wrote:

NTA. I would feel bad too cause this only happen once, and having your family over this special day would be great. I actually feel bad that he or any member of your family never apologized, tbh, gifts cannot replace actual accountability. Your feelings is definitely valid, but don't stay mad forever. If you can, go and talk to him about it and how it made you feel.

Dresden_Mouse wrote:

If this a regular thing for him to miss things? If not you are overreacting, I'm sure it hurts but in the scale of bad parenting missing your HS graduation is not that high, if you tell me this is only an example of how bad he is maybe.

OP responded:

He was absent most birthdays too and once kicked me out of the house during covid (he knew I had somewhere to stay but still). There are more things but I can say he did a lot to make graduating high school difficult for me.

He did improve recently but I feel like he never made an effort to make it up to me if that makes sense. Now, he is just acting like the dad he should’ve. Which doesn’t feel like enough.

NovaPrime1988 wrote:

This must be a culture thing because high school graduations in the UK are…not a big deal. Uni/college, sure. Finishing high school is just a normal occurrence. I do think that while your feelings are valid, you are overreacting. As this is not an unforgivable act. M-rder is an unforgivable act. But you are young and at that age, dramatic.

OP responded:

You can see my reply to another comment for more info. Basically he was pretty ab-sive during childhood and absent for almost every birthday/new years etc.

But I understand where you are coming from too.

My family made a huge deal out of of my sister's graduation cuz she got into Cambridge (but so did I). So I wanted more attention I guess.

Thanks for giving new perspective.

tubby_b-tch wrote:

Why do you care. High school means nothing in real life as long as passed that all any job is going to care. I went to work for my graduation cycled to school on break took my results and cycled back to work.

Suitable_Doubt7359 wrote:

NTA for your feelings. It’s been awhile and bringing it up all the time isn’t good for you. You need to make peace with it for yourself. Your mind is correct. She can not go back and change the past and she is not the one that missed your graduation.

Time to stop complaining to everyone. Sit down with your dad and tell him that you really wanted him at your graduation and that you feel that he doesn’t love you because he chose to miss it. Then go from there.

Not_the_maid wrote:

NTA. It is okay to feel this way. You can try talking with him and you know in your heart if he will change or not. Or even offer an apology. But I caution you. It sounds like you father is ab-sive with the outburst and has a history of not being engaged with any milestone in your life.

You can be angry at him but it will not change him or change his behavior. Being angry at this time only hurts you.

Some parents are just poopy people. Not all families are like the movies or commercials you see on TV.

It seems you may have to start to realize who he is and have no expectations from him. If that means going no contact with him then so be it. It sucks certainly because you want you father to be, well,, a father, and be there for you. I am not suggesting to forgive him for being a poopy parent or act like everything is okay - but start to think that he will not change so how do you want to move forward?

Sources: Reddit
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