'AITA for walking out of my own bday dinner because my girlfriend turned it into her celebration?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for walking out of my own birthday dinner because my girlfriend turned it into her celebration?"

So my (25M) birthday was last weekend. I don’t usually do anything big, but this year a bunch of my friends were in town, and my girlfriend (23F) offered to plan something. I was genuinely excited. She made a dinner reservation at a nice place I’ve been wanting to try and said she had a little surprise planned.

The surprise was that she invited a bunch of her friends. Like, 6 of them. People I barely know. One of them I actively dislike because she used to hit on me when my girlfriend and I first started dating. My girlfriend brushed it off saying it would make things more fun and lively.

Whatever. I tried to roll with it. But then at the dinner, it just got worse. She spent the entire time talking to her friends. I was seated at the far end of the table next to two people I’d never met. She didn’t even sit next to me. When the food came, they all toasted her for organising everything and started talking about her upcoming promotion.

Her best friend gave a speech about how she deserves all the happiness in the world. Not one mention of me or my birthday. No cake, no toast, no happy birthday. Nothing.

I literally just sat there while everyone gushed over her for two hours.

Eventually I got up, paid for my portion of the meal, said I wasn’t feeling well, and left. I didn’t make a scene or yell. I just quietly left. Later she texted me saying I embarrassed her in front of her friends and ruined the night.

She said she tried really hard to make it special and I was being ungrateful. A few of her friends have messaged me saying I was being immature and that it wasn’t that deep. But I don’t know, man. Is it crazy to think my birthday should’ve been at least a little about me? AITAH?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

DietAny5009 wrote:

So your friends didn’t show up or weren’t invited?

OP responded:

I have very few friends, and none of them were invited.

Lost_Needleworker285 wrote:

NTA, she didn't throw you a birthday dinner, she threw herself a dinner, but decided she could kill two birds with one stone if she lied and said it was for you.

mileyxmorax wrote:

You've done nothing wrong, she didn't throw you a birthday dinner she organised a meet up with her friends whilst you were there, did she even invite any of your friends, she sounds horrible and only cares about herself to say she made an effort when no one even said anything to you is crazy, you handled it well and should leave her.

Beach_Girl65 wrote:

NTA. Next time she brings up how you embarrassed her, why don’t you tell her how much she embarrassed you by inviting people you hardly knew or didn’t even like, ignoring you and making the evening about herself. Speak up for yourself! You did nothing wrong—she’s the one in the wrong.

gray_bluegrrl wrote:

She invited you to "her" event. She isn't your friend. She's really selfish, thoughtless and self centred. She will never make you a priority. She will never be a partner. You will never matter in the relationship. She loves only herself. Time to move on, dude. NTA.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Update:
We talked. She doubled down and said the dinner wasn’t just about me, it was a chance to celebrate us and her hard work planning it. She admitted she didn’t invite my friends because they wouldn’t vibe with her circle.

Still no happy birthday, no apology, just told me I was being dramatic and should be thankful she even organised something. I guess the dinner really was all about her. So yeah, I ended things.

The comments kept coming.

Powerful_Put6977 wrote:

You were grateful - you paid for your part in the celebration. If she was really putting together a celebration for your birthday, she would have covered the costs and you wouldn't have needed to pay at all. This was a celebration for her promotion.

If it wasn't for that purpose, ask her why none of your friends/colleagues/family were invited to your birthday celebrations and hers were?

If she felt embarrassed, good. She didn't make an effort for your birthday. She made a restaurant reservation for your birthday.

That's all. She needs to up her game or you need to find a better girlfriend. If walking out of the restaurant after paying for your part and heading home ruins a night, then her definition of what ruins a night needs updating. Honestly - at this point I'd be wondering how compatible you are and I'd consider ending the relationship. NTA.

Azurefawnglow wrote:

You didn’t leave your birthday dinner you escaped an unpaid role in her self-produced documentary called “How I’m Actually The Best Girlfriend Ever” like imagine being so deep in main character syndrome u forget the literal plot she threw herself a launch party for a promotion and used your birthday as the flyer the only thing u did wrong was not leaving sooner.

Feralfaith wrote:

Absolutely NTA. She planned your birthday dinner...for herself?? Inviting her friends, ignoring you, then letting them toast her all night without even acknowledging it was ur birthday is sooo messed up fr. You weren't being dramatic u were being ignored, walking out was totally fair and honestly good for u for ending things after reading that update she sounds like a nightmare.

OP jumped on with yet another small update.

I didn’t expect this kind of response, but I appreciate all the support, tough love, and even the chaos. Y’all helped me dodge a massive bullet. Anyway, I’m doing good. Took a few days to breathe, blocked the ex and her groupies, and treated myself to a birthday dinner that was actually about me. With people who give a damn. Appreciate you all.

The comments kept coming.

64green wrote:

Since when are parties a celebration of the person who planned the party, with the occasion being that they planned the party? That’s totally bizarre. Sounds like your gf has main character syndrome. Cut your losses.

elguapo1996 wrote:

So she never asked for your friends’ contact info and you didn’t think that odd going into the dinner? You knew your friends were in town and were surely in contact with them leading up to this and while they were there and the topic of your birthday never came up?

Your friends who were in town never reached out to you about celebrating with you, even if your gf didn’t?

pretty_pussyy wrote:

You weren’t dramatic, you were disrespected. A birthday should be about you, not a stage for someone else’s ego. You did the right thing walking away, and even better ending things. Next time, celebrate with people who actually celebrate you.