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'AITA for walking out of Christmas dinner after my parents gave my sister a car?'

'AITA for walking out of Christmas dinner after my parents gave my sister a car?'

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"AITA for walking out of Christmas dinner after my parents gave my sister a car?"

I (25F) have an older sister (28F). Growing up, she was always the favorite. She got the best clothes, extra money for outings, and more attention.

I didn’t let it bother me much—at least, not until this past Christmas. For context, I’ve been saving for years to buy a car. I work full-time, live on my own, and have been carefully budgeting to finally afford one. My parents know this and even joked about “helping me out” with a car someday.

At Christmas dinner, my parents handed out gifts. When it was her turn, they announced they’d bought her a brand-new car. I was shocked. She doesn’t even need a car—she lives with my parents and works remotely. I couldn’t stop myself from asking why they’d buy her a car when they know how hard I’ve been working to save for one.

My mom said, “She’s the oldest; she deserves it,” and my dad added, “We’re sure you’ll get there on your own.”

I felt so hurt and unappreciated. I said, “Wow, okay,” got up, and left. Now my family is calling me ungrateful for ruining Christmas and making it all about me.

She texted me later saying she didn’t even ask for the car, but I made things awkward by storming out. My parents haven’t reached out at all.

Was I wrong to leave, or were my feelings justified?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

sjw_7 wrote:

NTA. I would give your sweater and gift card back and tell them if they arent going to even try to treat you equally then you dont want their gifts. This is blatant favoritism and your parents will never change. My inlaws did something similar with one of their grand children. They lavished gifts on her, took her out on shopping trips and spent alot of time with her.

With the others they would turn up a couple of times a year and cry poverty with a small gift for birthdays and christmas and werent interested in the rest of the grand kids. Fast forward to today and the favoured grandchild has moved on with her life and doesnt see them very often.

The in-laws are complaining that the rest of the grand kids dont want to spend any time with them. I pointed out multiple times that they are reaping what they sowed and didnt invest time in them when they were young so they dont really see them as a part of their lives. If your parents continue this golden child approach they will end up very lonely in later life and it will be their own fault.

OP responded:

I’ve definitely thought about returning the gifts, but not sure it’d make a difference. I guess time will tell if they realise what htey are doing.

headface1701 wrote:

NTA. I am the older sister. 3x, the last time being when I was 45, my dad gifted me his OLD car when he bought a new one. These were all at least 10 years old, small cars with like 80k..they all needed major repairs within a year and none lasted me more than 5 years. If they had any trade in value he would have done that.

I lived only a couple hours away and worked as a waitress, my husband works in social services and doesn't make a ton. My younger sister married an electrician, has a well paid office job, they make at least 3x what we do. She also likes "fancier" stuff than us and lives 19 hours away. It would be a pain in the ass to give her a car not up to her standards and she really didn't care.

I still felt sh--ty getting a free car instead of her.

When our parents passed the will split everything equally. No favoritism there. They had a van, my sister asked if I wanted it lol. I actually had basically the same van, but a couple years newer so I didn't want it. We sold it and split the money.

OP responded:

At least your family tried to be fair in the long run. In my case, it wasn’t even an old car, it was brand new. And I’m the one who’s been saving for years while my sister doesn’t really need one. I think that’s why it stung so much, and why I felt like I had to leave.

prettykittychat wrote:

NTA. Family dynamics…I’m sorry OP. I’m definitely not the favorite either. It almost feels cruel - like they wanted to hurt you on purpose or drive a wedge between you and your sister. Your feelings are totally valid. I’d try to beat them at their own game. Keep friendly with your sister.

Sometimes the golden child feels guilty if they are able to see the dynamic. If your sister truly doesn’t want the car, and they give her something you like, then see if they put the title in her name. Maybe offer her whatever you have saved for a car and see if she’d like to sell it. That would get you a car and revenge.

OP responded:

I appreciate this. I don’t think my sister asked for the car either, so I’m trying not to hold it against her. Buying it from her is one option, I’ll have to think about that.

scruffersdad wrote:

I completely understand. When I was 12/13 the only thing I wanted was a new record player. I had PURCHASED the one I had from my granddad two years previously and really wanted a better machine. Christmas morning, we opened gifts one by one and one person at a time.

Second round I opened the only package that could have been the right size, and it wasn’t a record player. My next brother went, then my middle brother, the favorite child of my parents, the golden boy who could do no wrong. As soon as he tore the first piece paper I could see that he had, indeed, gotten a record player THAT HE NEVER EVEN ASKED FOR!

Sorry, it still frosts my balls. I immediately lost it and ran down to my bedroom and pushed the dresser in front of the door and cried my heart out. I stayed in that room all day. I didn’t eat dinner, finish opening my gifts, talk to any of the family that came over for dinner, or leave that room. My brother had to sleep in the den on the couch. I still haven’t forgotten nor forgiven for that incident.

I did eventually leave the room, but it was the next morning. My mom apologized, and my dad grumbled something at me that was supposed to make everything ok. I never did get a new record player until I was 16. You are not the problem, they are. Your parents ruined the night and made it awkward by gifting your sister a car. You didn’t do that.

You did the gracious adult thing and left rather than cause a scene. Now I would keep that exit as your final act with your family. At least for a while. They obviously really don’t care if they hurt you, or how it looks. Stay away, let them find another punching bag. Let it slowly eat at them, because it will.

The thought that you’re succeeding with out them and seemingly unbothered by it will chew at their souls. It’s no fun being the golden child unless there’s another kid to lord it over. And it’s no fun having a golden child if there’s not someone to be angry or jealous. Go live your best life in peace and let them do….whatever it is they want to do. Best wishes!

Sources: Reddit
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