'AITA for walking out of a restaurant after my sister kept rudely trying to speak on my behalf?'
"AITA for walking out of a restaurant after my sister kept making rude remarks and trying to speak on my behalf?"
My sister (24F) and I (26F) never really had the best relationship growing up. I’ve always tried to keep it civil, but she wouldn’t and has always been rude to me and would try and speak on my behalf as if she’s my lawyer. To make things relevant, I’m on the spectrum.
She will constantly convince me to say no whenever others ask me a question, tell me to “shut up” whenever I talk to my friends or anyone that wanted to have a conversation with me, or my sister will shake her head no either because she disapproves of something or she simply wants me to shut the f--k up.
This past weekend, my parents asked me and my sister to meet with them at a restaurant for dinner as we didn’t see each other in weeks and my parents both wanted to treat us.
We met them in the restaurant and everything went well until it was time to order. I’m not much of an eater so I wanted to order some of the appetizers, but my parents encouraged me to buy an entree so I can have some food to take home if I don’t finish.
I thought about getting it but I saw my sister just shaking her head. I asked her what her issue was and she said that she knows I don’t need the entree and therefore, I shouldn’t waste money or food. My parents told her that isn’t her concern and I can order for myself.
I ordered the entree I liked and when our food came, my sister was glaring at me the entire time. I finished my food and I guess I didn’t really need to take leftovers home since they were all gone lol. When asked if we wanted dessert, my dad asked me if I would like some. I said I was full but my dad said he’d want me to at least take something home so I ordered a cheesecake. That was when my sister snapped.
She called me a spoiled brat for wasting food and our father’s money and why do I f--king need dessert? My dad told my sister to calm down and said she can get dessert, too. My sister got even more angry and called me names such as a fat pig (I’m around 115 so not even close), a yes-woman whatever the f--k that means, and how I’m wasting money.
I make my own money so idk what her issue was. I didn’t want to be around her so I just got up and left. My parents begged me to stay as we planned to get coffee somewhere else after but I declined. I couldn’t stay if my sister was gonna continue to be there. I even changed my mind on dessert.
When I got home, I’ve gotten a couple of calls from my parents apologizing on my sisters behalf and my mom said I shouldn’t have walked out and let my sister get the better of me. She tends to defend my sister a lot so I told her she needed to wake up and understand how my sister has always tried to control me for reasons I can’t understand. AITA for walking out?
Internet strangers had many thoughts about the sibling dynamic.
BoredofBin wrote:
NTA! You were sensible enough to walk out before things got way out of hand. The good thing here is that you know how to handle your sister. Next time she does that, just make a sarcastic comment and move on. Or better yet, give her a taste of her own medicine.
Next time also give your mom, the taste of her medicine by telling her to stand up to every insult that comes out of your dad's/sister's mouth towards her, and see how she handles it.
Saintandvillain wrote:
NTA. Stop attending events if your sister is invited. She's evil and you don't deserve a devil ruining your day. The next time your parents invite you two to dinner tell them that you'd love to have a meal with the 2 of them but you are taking a break from your sister.
Tell them she has unknown mental health issues that make her obsessed with you and you need a break from it. Tell them that you hope the break gives her time to get a life and quit worrying about yours.
mbrsst wrote:
No, you’re NTA. And the fact that your parents let your sister have this level of immaturity is appalling. Maybe have a tete a tete with your sister. You’re in your mid 20s. This is adolescent behavior at best. Good luck.
EmceeSuzy wrote:
I am so sorry. You are NTA and your family seems incredibly disregulated. When/If you feel up to it, call your mother and explain that you will not participate in any more family dinners. Let her know that you would love to dine with her and your dad but if she wants to talk with you about your sister you will not be joining.
burner_suplex wrote:
NTA. It's WILD to me that your mother is trying to put this on you for "letting her get the best of you" when she and your dad rightfully told her it wasn't her concern in the first place. She blew up at you in a public restaurant because...what? Your parents decided to do something nice for you that they were ALSO DOING FOR HER???
It's not about letting her get the best of you, its about her acting like an asshole in the first place. You don't have to tolerate that kind of disrespect just because your sister holds some sort of bizarre unspoken grudge against you. You decided not to tolerate her behavior and your parents need to stop tolerating it as well.
NerdySwampWitch40 wrote:
NTA, but I would send your parents the following text: "I love you both very much, and I am happy to spend time with the two of you, but I won't be doing any more family gatherings where sister is present. I refuse to sit quietly and let her berate and belittle me, body shame me, and be cruel for no reason."
"It isn't my responsibility to keep the peace when she is the one throwing tantrums. I hope you understand and can respect my wishes on this. I want to spend time with you both. But I won't sit and let myself be verbally abused by her in public or in private again."