This is one example from today. He has done things much worse than this and does them regularly. I feel like i have a third son, not a partner anymore. I had my son (2m) booked for an audiology appointment this morning at 8am. I was rostered to work so told my husband he had to take him to the appt, and then drop both our boys at daycare.
Not hard - he works away in the mines so I do things like that all the time, as I'm sure you all do too. I woke up at 6am for work today, go in and wake him up so he's running on time and get hit with "omg, I'm so sick, I'm sweating, I've got a sore ear, I've been up every hour."
So I say "Oh that's no good, well once the kids are at daycare by 9am you can come back to bed all day!" To be met with no, absolutely not, I'm too sick. You have to take the kids to daycare. He hadn't taken any panadol, ibuprofen, ANYTHING. Just flat out refused.
Sooo he not only makes our boy miss an important appt, but then also makes me late for work because I normally wake up at 5am to get the kids and I ready and fed when I do daycare drop off before work when he's not here. I text him saying if I get home and he's not dying in bed, he'll wish he was dead He texts back saying "I'm so sorry I hate letting you down I'm seriously unwell."
I ignore him for the rest of the day. Get home from work, he's not here!!! I ring him, he's at shops buying groceries because we "have no food". He's also cleaned the house spotless out of guilt. Well darn that must be one of the quickest recoveries ever made!
I just can't deal with the weaponised incompetence anymore 🥲
He thinks I'm being harsh and unfair. I think he's taking the actual piss and honestly have thought of pulling the pin. What's your thoughts? Am I just being a nag?
RazzmatazzOK9643 wrote:
That’s not weaponised incompetence. He’s just an asshole. He’ll hold the fact that he did housework over your head for ages. If he was on him mine rotation would he still have gone to work? The fact that he cleaned the house and went food shopping says yes. It seems He just doesn’t respect or give a s--t about you.
Strawberrykittz wrote:
So his illness magically cured itself when it was time to shop, huh? Amazing how selective his symptoms are. Sounds like you’ve got three kids, two in daycare and one who’s great at pretending to die when it’s inconvenient. NTA!
Jolly-Bandicoot7162 wrote:
You were too kind. I'd have left for work on time and left the kids with him to get to daycare. A quick lesson in how parents have to still crack on with it even when they are ill. Although his illness seemed more like a case of the lazies. NTA. You can't rely on your partner for the absolute basics and your life would be easier without him.
Majestic_Daikon_1494 wrote:
He did it deliberately and then realized how far he had pushed you and so went through the motions of housework and shopping so you wouldn't have the right to be angry. He'll throw this back in your face for the next few weeks.
Awkward-Tourist979 wrote:
He hadn’t taken any paink-llers makes me think he just couldn’t be bothered with the 8am audiology appointment. As a side note - I wouldn’t schedule appointments at 8am if they can be avoided. His behaviour is now affecting your work.
Recently I was really sick and up all night vomiting and texted my partner asking him to work from home and drop our child at an appointment. He pretended he never saw the message (because he wanted to go out after work drinking and he needed to be in the city for that). He pretended he didn’t see the message for the entire day.
A lot of men are useless and women don’t talk about this enough. They expect us to work but they won’t step up on the caring for children aspect of being a parent. If you want to divorce him over this then you should. The reality is you would still do everything for your very young children - the only difference being is you wouldn’t have to see his face every day.