'AITA for wanting to divorce my husband of 6 years because of his ex?'
"AITA for wanting to divorce my husband of 6 years because of his ex?"
Okay Hi. This might be common sense, but I really do not want to jump to divorce without another opinion and I don't want to tell my family or friends about all of this yet.
So I (28) F and my husband who I will call Luke (35) M have been married for about 6 years but we have been together (including dating) for 8 years. Luke has always been a very sweet man, very caring and attentive and I would like to say the same for myself.
Let me give a little back story, I was not Luke's first love, he made that very clear when we started seeing each other, his ex gf who I will call Emily and him were together for about 10 years. Emily ended up cheating on Luke, however after what I found out I think he might have some sort of weird connection with her.
Here is where the story starts, Usually I work very late shifts at my job as I am in charge of a whole customer service branch. Yesterday at work I got off early as it was a very slow day.
I headed home and when I got there I saw Luke sitting on the couch with an opened shoe box on our coffee table, I made my presence known by telling him hello, instead of saying it back or even showing a little bit of happiness to see me, his face was full of fear.
He quite literally scrambled to close this shoe box and quickly stood up with it and went to our bedroom. I was extremely confused so I followed and called out asking if everything was okay as I entered our bedroom he shoving this box under our bed.
I asked him what it was but he told me it had a gift for me in it and that he didn't want me to see it. I brushed it off and said okay, he begged me not to look in it and I told him I wouldn't.
Our day continued like usually (dinner, movie) just casual things. Luke ended up falling asleep as we were watching avatar, and my gut told me to look in the box (Thank God.) and I did.
In the box was pictures of him and his ex, bracelets, key chains, and the weirdest thing was our wedding photo but he cut my face out and put hers in it. Emily and I looked very similar but I always thought he just had a type but now looking back it seems like he was trying to use me as a replacement.
Anyways, I obviously confronted Luke. I was pissed to say the least, I woke him up by throwing a cup of water on him (I know this wasn't right) however he completely tried to blame me because I looked in the box, telling me I told him I wouldn't.
Of course I didn't let this fly. I told him he was micro cheating on me and he got sooo mad at me for saying that, he ended up throwing our couch pillow at me which I threw back at him. We had a very heated argument to say the least.
After the argument Luke left the house for a little bit and I unfortunately gave way to my emotions and had a whole crying moment (I am not a big crier, I typically hold it in.) When Luke had came home after a few hours, he was extremely apologetic, he threw out the whole shoe box and told me doesn't want to lose me.
However I feel like this is too far and that this broke my trust in him and our whole marriage. I don't want to make an impulsive decision but I also don't want to be with someone who is obsessed with their ex.
I ended up telling Luke I was going to stay at my moms house for the night. Now I am here, a day later and I have not talked to Luke despite the numerous phone calls and texts (Which I might show because I feel like its manipulative.)
I know this is short and it does lack a lot of detail that I will probably share later. I just honestly do not know what to do right now. I will come back to this post and give it an update soon, I just wanted a second opinion on this situation.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Replacing your face in your wedding photo is a huge red flag—he’s clearly still emotionally tangled with his ex. You deserve someone who values you fully, and it sounds like he’s not ready to let go. I’m with you if you’re considering a divorce; trust and respect are non-negotiables. What does everyone else think?
just a "red flag"? that's super weird and super unhealthy. this guy needs help, professional help.
You didn’t marry a husband — you married a man still mentally curled up in the lap of his ex. Keeping a shoebox shrine is already weird. Swapping your face with hers in your wedding photo? That’s not just a red flag — that’s a six-alarm emotional house fire.
He didn’t throw that box away out of guilt — he threw it away because he got caught. And blaming you for “breaking his trust” by finding out he's been emotionally cheating for years? That’s manipulation dressed up as remorse.
You’re not the backup. You’re the replacement fantasy he tried to mold into someone else — and the mask cracked. Divorce isn’t impulsive when you realize you’ve been in a one-sided delusion. It’s self-respect on fast-forward. P:S. Girl, he didn't marry you. He cast you in the reboot. Get out before you end up as a sequel he never watches.
He hasn't thrown the shoe box away, just hidden it where you can't find it OP.
NTA. Oh hell no. He replaced your face on your wedding photo! I hope you took picture proof. I’d be talking to lawyers. Tell him he can go back to the woman who cheated on him. If she ever wants him, you’ll know he’ll go back. Don’t stay and be second choice. Honestly, there’s no coming back from this IMO.
This is a heartbreaking, nauseating, and all-around reality shattering thing to endure. The problem is, he can never undo this hurt or betrayal, even if you forgive him. You will never be able to let this go and it will make you a horrible version of yourself.
Change may be scary, especially financially, in these uncertain times, but this is the deepest sense of betrayal. You are essentially a fleshlight replica of this woman. In his heart and soul, he married her, not you. You are the other woman in this messed up story and it's bizarre. Do not let people gaslight you into counseling... You are not a failure for divorce. It's not always like this.
You will find a man that could never conceive of this. Take some time, find hobbies, heal, and hell, try ziplining. Let the universe send you a the kind of man that could never do this. PS. It will likely send you men that could do stranger or worse things in the meantime, but don't worry about that. You know your worth. STOP BEING THE OTHER WOMAN IN YOUR OWN MARRIAGE. You're better than that.