'AITA for wearing clothes my boyfriend doesn’t like even though I’m fully covered?'
"AITA for wearing clothes my boyfriend doesn’t like even though I’m fully covered?"
My boyfriend has made it clear that he doesn’t like it when I wear certain clothes, and I’m not sure if it would be disrespectful to him if I continued wearing them anyway.
For context, the specific outfit in question was a pair of grey sweatpants and a white crop top that doesn't show any cleavage. While the outfit is casual and comfortable, the issue seems to be more about how it shows my body shape rather than the actual amount of skin exposed.
I’m curvier on the bottom, so you can definitely see my shape, especially from behind. Every time I wear sweatpants, he insists that I either change into something else or wear a long shirt to cover my butt. I understand that it might make him uncomfortable, but I’m fully covered, and it’s not like I’m wearing something overly revealing.
It’s just my body’s natural shape that’s visible, and I feel conflicted because I don’t see the harm in it. I get that he might be protective or worried about how others might perceive me, but at the same time, I don’t think I should have to constantly modify my outfits, especially when I’m wearing something as simple as sweatpants and a crop top.
I feel like I should be able to wear what makes me feel comfortable, but I also don’t want to make him feel disrespected or uncomfortable. I’m stuck trying to figure out what the right balance is between respecting his feelings and maintaining my own comfort and sense of self.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
something-bothersome wrote:
NTA. You know, there are people out there living their lives with never having to deal with stuff like this! Their partners are respectful, loving, supportive and considerate. It is extremely well established that people have butts, it is socially acceptable and normal to wear pants, it is normal that people have standard body parts and cloth them across a range of clothing.
There are average, perfectly normal ways of dressing and quite well established social norms around clothing. If you are in the West, there is also quite a diverse tolerance for even quite “out there” styles and people get to display some creativity around clothing and it could be considered pleasurable to do so.
So how about you ask yourself why you specifically are being hounded about normal clothing? Why do you specifically have to worry about this nonsense. Why do you have this unnecessary worry in your life? Chances are, you are not the one causing these issues, so why are you paying the price?
timothybcat wrote:
NTA I long ago adopted the motto "What other people think of me is none of my business". Why should anyone feel they have to hide their beautiful god-given physique to please others? You have one life, love yourself and screw what anyone else thinks. Your boyfriend needs to work on his perception that women are responsible for the crappy attitudes of others. It's misogynistic and controlling.
alien_overlord_1001 wrote:
NTA red flag warning. Stay with this guy if you want, but you should be able to wear whatever you like - he has no place policing your clothes. What’s next? An app that tracks your movements? You can’t talk to certain people?
thatitdo_52 wrote:
LEAVE HIM AND SHOW THE CLEVEAGE
I refuse to respond to your question because I am tired of women bowing low to appease children masquerading as grown men. YOU KNOW THE ANSWER.
Connect-Cream-2260 wrote:
NTA. Considering it's your body, you're not inappropriately exposing yourself in public + the fact that hes not your teacher and he can't just decide to dress code you. Hes not being protective hes being controlling. wear what you want to wear, the only change that needs to be made is that he needs to check his insecurities.
Melodic-Divide-1790 wrote:
NTA.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This one isn’t even a - well maybe he has good intentions…
No. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
This is controlling behavior and NOT okay. There is no protectiveness in this at all. None. It’s solely because he views you as his possession and he doesn’t want anyone else to look. That and/or he’s setting the stage to make sure he is your authority. There is literally no alternative here. This is never done with good intentions. Ever.
Fancygoldfishes wrote:
NTA. Red flag warning. It starts with clothes, then a certain friend and then a hobby or activity he doesn’t like, then a family member who is ‘influencing you’ in a way he doesn’t care for. You have to close every cabinet and drawer quietly - then he starts grabbing your face when he’s mad so you “look at him."
I speak from experience - you’re the frog in the pot of water being slowly heated. Get out now. It will escalate. Please be careful when you do as this transition can spike his controlling behavior in scary ways.
carmabound wrote:
NTA - This is huge 🚩, it may seem insignificant now - but it's the first step in controlling you. Next, it'll be who you're talking to, what you're eating, where you're going - etc.
Is this a cultural thing, or is he insecure about you being too s-xy in front of other men?
The way you handle this situation is going to lay the groundwork for your relationship moving forward, and if you don't want to be told what's "expected" of you in the future, you better put your foot down now - while there is still time to walk away.
fearSpeltbackwards wrote:
NTA. Damn your BF needs to go to Paris and watch all the girls running around in tight leggings. At work! I was surprised that was acceptable dress for the office but when in Rome...did not bother me one bit. Do not let him dictate what you wear. If he pushes it you need to dump him. He is somehow projecting his insecurity on you which is just wrong.
Stop trying to figure out the right balance.
The right balance is finding someone who is comfortable with how you are.
If he isn't comfortable then that is his problem not yours. Find someone who is. As a postscript I'm a man and I can't even think of a time I told my SO or casual date I didn't like how she was dressed and she had to change. That just isn't in the man playbook if you get my drift. So he has a problem and even I see it. Tell him to go pound sand.