'AITA for wearing an 'over the top' and 'overshadowing' outfit to my friend’s birthday party?' UPDATED

"AITAH for wearing an 'over the top' outfit to my friend’s birthday party and overshadowing the host?"

So last Friday night my(24m) friend (we’ll call him Peter) celebrated his 28th birthday. His coworker (that is what he refers to her as) “April” offered to organize and host the party.

The dress code was as she put it “Your gothic best” - Peter loves anything morbid and macabre so it would fit his taste perfectly. Now I prioritize comfort over looks, which leaves me dressing mostly in scrubs at work or sweats and hoodies when I’m out and about. Hence April decided to remind me multiple times in increasingly condescending tone to “follow the dress code.”

So I did just that. I wore a black velvet trouser and waistcoat set with a white 18th century men’s shirt (a “pirate” shirt if you will). All of these items I made completely myself: from drafting the patterns to sewing the shirt completely by hand and adding an embroidery moth across the back of the waistcoat.

Now, to the party itself. I ended up arriving later than most people due to being held up at work longer than expected. I warned both Peter and April about it: Peter said it was no problem at all, but I better show up and April left me on read.

So I arrived 40 minutes late greeted April, congratulated Peter and gave him his gift. Mocktails were drank and pleasantries were exchanged. Over the course of the night I got a lot of compliments on my outfit and my craft skills were a topic of conversation several times over the evening.

It also didn’t really help that when someone asked me where I got the suit or shirt from Peter would loudly tell then all about how I made everything myself. I remember being spun around a couple of times so people could look/ touch the embroidery in the back. Everyone had a good time, or so I thought.

Over the weekend April and her friends ended up bombarding my phone and any social media that they could find with absolutely nasty messages. How I was an attention seeker, how desperate I came across, how I absolutely ruined the party April had been planing for weeks, how dare I steal attention away and overshadow Peter and April.

You get the idea. I feel like I’m going a bit insane - overshadowing anybody was never my intention (especially my friend at his own party) and I don’t think that I did. But all of these comments are making me rethink my choices. So AITA here? I really need some outside perspective.

Commenters had a lot to say.

Queasy-Sport-7234 wrote:

NTA. First, Peter is the one you're friends with and whose birthday it was - if he was happy then you're fine. Second, when you host a party for someone else it doesn't mean the party is about you as much as the person the party is for - the party was about Peter and you didn't overshadow Peter. Third, if April told you to do something (dress appropriately) then she shouldn't get upset when you do it.

Honestly, April sounds jealous, shallow and self-centred. Like she wants to be more than "co-workers" with Peter and hosted the party to get attention from him. And she is used to you dressing casually and didn't expect you to show up dressed well and in clothes you designed yourself. Ignore her and her friends.

Artistic-Thought7309 wrote:

NTA. It seems your gothic best was beyond their expectations. These people are jealous at best, and nasty little AHs at worst. You’ve been brilliant: your handcrafted outfit has been a blast.

Well done you and ignore the annoying miserable souls who feel threatened by a guy who sews his own clothes. Peter and April seems to not be very good friends. I would not have a problem if you ghost them and get them out of your life.

OP responded:

Peter is a great friend - he was there for me during the worst moments of my life. I doubt I’ll see April ever again, especially after this.

Cattenappe wrote:

NTA. April has a thing for Peter, and sees you as a thr--t. She's going to find ways to criticize you and tear you down no matter what you do.

OP responded:

I guess it also didn’t help that Peter kept his hand on my back for most of the evening and when he got absolutely wasted put his face in my hair.

Auntie-Mam69 wrote:

NTA. Your outfit sounds amazing! April, Peter's coworker (I love that he refers to her as that), is simply green to the gills with envy, and her sycophants/minions are just that. She expected to be the center of attention as the hostess with the mostest, not for you to waltz in with a spectacular handmade outfit that made Peter and his guests happy in a great, fun way.

I love that you got spun around so everyone could see the detail, and that Peter kept calling out that you made everything yourself. It sounds completely fun and joyful, and since that's how it felt to you at the time, trust that.

It's not showboating to make a great Gothic outfit for yourself after being repeatedly reminded to follow the dress code, and show up in your "Gothic best." It's more like malicious compliance, I'd say. Well done!!!

OP responded:

At some point I ended up with like 4 very drunk people rubbing the moth’s body ( I made it from faux fur) and by extension my back with their fingers. Was a weird experience to say the least.

Venetrix2 wrote:

You made two thirds of a three-piece suit FROM SCRATCH, including embroidery? Those are some formidable skills, and you should be proud as hell. The people giving you grief are clearly jealous - if you usually dress for comfort you're probably the last person they expected to get outshone by.

OP responded:

I had help when it came to drafting the suit from someone who actually knows what they are doing lol. The shirt was made from a bunch of squares so no problems there. The embroidery is all split stitches and faux fur for the body of the moth. I really made it sound to be much more impressive than it is.

wisewoman707 wrote:

NTA. You did as instructed. Peter liked it. It was HIS party. Tell April and her friends to F Off.

OP responded:

Honestly don’t really feel like interacting with that. I just took screenshots of messages from April and blocked them all.

The next day, OP shared an update.

Update: This morning showed Peter the post and all of the messages from April and co. Never heard him be this angry. Said he’ll “deal with them”.

Turns out April is a pathological liar and had been telling everyone in the office that Peter and her are in a relationship, but are keeping it low key.

She also was taking pictures of him every time she walked by his office and showing them to her friends as “proof”. So her friends thought that I was trying to steal her man. They aren’t even coworkers- she just greets clients at the front desk at the firm Peter work at.

Peter ripped her a new one, their boss (April’s uncle) ripped her a new one, the coworker she lied to ripped her a new one. April ended up throwing a tantrum, authorities were called. The results: April is currently on a 48hour hold. Peter is moving to work from home full time. I got apologies for April’s uncle, mom and a few friends and coworkers.

The comments kept rolling in.

Lancypek211 wrote:

NTA. You followed the dress code that was set by April nd put effort into creating a unique and fitting outfit. It’s clear that you didn’t intend to overshadow anyone, especially your friend Peter, who seemed to appreciate and admire your craftsmanship. The fact that your outfit drew attention is a testament to your skill and creativity, not an attempt to steal the spotlight....

Similar-Shame7517 wrote:

The fact that April thought she had a shot with the aro/ace guy and that you wearing a fancy outfit would threaten that is hilarious, NGL.

jessinwriting wrote:

I’m just super disappointed there’s no photo of the outfit and embroidery, it sounds awesome 😅

Reddit_Schmeddit_905 wrote:

How long did April expect to keep up that charade?? She didn’t really think it through with the party 😂