'AITA for yelling at my mom over a bad birthday present she's gotten me for five years?' UPDATED

We all have our breaking point, even about seemingly innocuous things.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if she was wrong for snapping at her mom for buying her the same birthday present years in a row. She wrote:

"AITA for yelling at my mom over a bad birthday present?"

My (F17) birthday is today and I received one gift from my parents, an expensive jewelry set that came with matching earrings, necklace and bracelet. I am a bit of a tomboy and don't wear any jewelry, not hate to girls that do, but it just isn't my style. My mom knows this and despite knowing it, she has given me variations of this same gift every year since I was 12.

My sister (F19) gets the same, but she is a girly girl and loves it. My brother (M16) usually gets gaming gear of about the same value, which he loves. Every year I ask my mom throughout the year to get me something other than jewelry, I even give specific examples like a snowboard or a phone of the same value.

Every year I open my gift and it is jewelry and I hate it, never wear it and it just gets added to the pile of never worn jewelry in my cupboard. Low and behold, this morning I was once again given jewelry and this time I snapped. I yelled at my mom, asking why she got this and why she keeps ignoring my requests.

She said it was the same thing my sister got at my age and that I should be grateful I am getting anything, let alone something so expensive. I argued back saying that I hate it, she should have known I would hate it and didn't understand why she refused to listen to me. I walked out and have gone to the beach to get away and calm down.

My dad and sister have both texted saying I need to come home and apologise to my mom. Saying that she means well and just wants to get me some nice stuff for special occasions. My sister said that I am being ungrateful and should get a job if I want other things so badly.

My brother texted saying he is on my side and that he gets why I reacted the way I did. I am probably going to be grounded over this regardless but I feel like my reaction was kind of fair. Idk, maybe I am just being a moody teenager? AITA?

The internet was with OP all the way.

Nitropeanut3 wrote:

Honestly as a parent of an 11 yr old girl I agree with you. NTA Your mother is not understanding what this does to a child when you DON’T just listen! For me this has nothing to do with a gift and EVERYTHING to do with understand your child.

If you don’t know your child you ultimately are slowly pushing them away. I’m sorry your mother just doesn’t hear you. Save the jewelry and eventually pawn it off and buy you a car.

Lady-of-Shivershale wrote:

Yup. The mum is pretending that OP is the daughter she wishes she had. I experienced that too when I was growing up. I lived halfway across the world a year, after I finished university and never returned.

Spearmint-Gum-3825 wrote:

You mean to tell me for five years, almost a third of your life, you've gotten jewelry from your mom. And for 5 years you've asked your mom not to get you jewelry and she has ignored you?

NTA, your mom is a giant AH. Your mom is getting you what she would have wanted at your age. So tell her starting next year when you turn 18 you will just buy her what YOU want for her bday gift and you can trade.

Vegetable-Cod-2340 wrote:

And Dad and sister are co-signing her crappy behavior. Because if it was a tradition why does the brother get gaming gear and not watches? This is an organized campaign to make you like something, you’ve told them you don’t like . When you returned don’t apologize. I would pawn the jewelry and use it to move out and take some time away .

Two days later, OP shared a major update.

First, to the people saying just ask for the receipt and return in, I have asked before and I'm sure you can imagine what the reaction was to that. Yes I have been grounded for a week and I'm posting from my school computer because my phone has been confiscated.

Second, I'm aware that it is a first world problem and that not everyone gets gifts, what upsets me is that this sort of thing happens at Christmas too, from all of my extended family and I'm the only one treated this way. It's actually a really big problem and also it 's not a culture or tradition thing, mom is just an upper middle class women with a snobby attitude to anything that isn't traditionally feminine.

Third, it's an ongoing issue with my mom and family not respecting my choices. She hates pretty much everything about me that isn't the stereotypical girly girl. She also hates the LGBTQ so yes to the commenters saying it could be fear related to that, you are likely right (I am bi but didn't think it was relevant to my previous post at the time)

MY CHOICE: I decided to take everyone's advice and actually double down on it. I went home yesterday and did the biggest apology I could muster even cried and convinced mum that I loved it and that I was just surprised (probably the only reason I'm not grounded for a month) I have one year left and you guys are right, I should play the long game.

(I would love to be petty but I think it'll be smarter to use her) F**k everything, I am going to put on the biggest show of my life and turn into the daughter she wants, sell everything she has given me once I turn 18 and use it to help me buy a car and go to trade school (which she is never going to approve of lol).

Maybe I'll get lucky and she gets me something even more expensive if I act well enough. I have always thought maybe she would come around but yesterday I just snapped and I think I've finally gotten clarity about the fact she isn't going to change.

People fully supported OP's plan.

wayward_painter wrote:

Sad but smart. Which is the best you can do with the situation. If no one in your family is going to support you, then all of their "gifts" can be sold online. Ebay? And that money can fund the future that it sounds like you will have to support on your own. Good luck!!

HaloPerimenopause wrote:

Holding onto all the jewellery to sell it is a really good idea. Put it somewhere safe and don't give the slightest hint to anyone in your family of what you're planning.

VegetableBusiness897 wrote:

I wasn't the daughter of my mom's dreams either. Every childhood photo we have of us is in matching dresses and hair, me crying my eyes out and my mom with a huge smile and a death grip on me.

It'll probably get better once you're on your own, and she can see you as a person as well as her child. Took my mom a while. But a free contractor/landscaper daughter is way more appealing to her now than the girly DILs she has 😜 NTA. Long game and goals.

CampfiresInConifers wrote:

I also suggest that you get a safe deposit box at a bank for your jewelry & important papers so no one can get at them. As a minor you may need a consignor, possibly a sympathetic family member or relative...? I don't know where you live, but mine is $40/year. Obviously, if it's very expensive where you live, never mind!

It sounds like OP is doing the best thing she can: playing the long game.