'AITA for yelling at my sister for putting her phone on 'do not disturb?' She forgot to pick up her son.'

"AITA for yelling at my sister for putting her phone on DND and leaving her 1st grader at school without picking him up?"

Today at 4PM, my nephew’s elementary school called me. He’s 7 years old and in 1st grade. He had been left at school for about 40 minutes after dismissal, and the office said they couldn’t reach anyone on his emergency contact list.

They asked if I could get in touch with his parents—my sister and her husband. I tried calling both of them, but their phones were on "Do Not Disturb." The calls would ring once and go straight to voicemail, which was odd because their phones should usually ring a few times before going to voicemail.

Since neither of them were reachable, I got concerned and decided to go pick up my nephew myself. While I was on my way, I kept trying to call my sister. She finally called me back about 90 minutes after when the school first tried to reach her, saying she and her husband had just been napping.

I was furious. It felt incredibly irresponsible for them to leave their child stranded at school and silence their phones, especially as parents of a young child and a toddler. Her excuse was that her husband had asked his grandparents to pick up my nephew, but there was a "miscommunication."

I told her that even if that was the plan, she shouldn’t have put her phone on "Do Not Disturb," because emergencies like this can happen. Her response shocked me—she said she likes putting her phone on "Do Not Disturb" during naps and, if I was going to react this way, she would remove me from my nephew’s emergency contact list.

She also added that I was the last contact on the list anyway because her in-laws (the grandparents) were listed first. She then accused me of overreacting, saying that "normal people" wouldn’t get angry about something like this.

She even mentioned that she’s made a lot of new friends this year and now understands how "normal" people act. I found this insulting because I was the only one responsible enough to answer the school’s call and make sure her child was safe. She continued justifying herself, saying it’s normal for people not to answer their phones if they’re busy, at work, or in meetings.

She insisted that having her phone on "Do Not Disturb" was necessary because she naps with her toddler and needs complete silence. By the end of the conversation, she tried to make me feel like I was in the wrong for being upset. She said I had a right to be concerned but no right to be angry or yell at her.

She then added that she doesn’t like spending time with family because “there’s always an argument” when she talks to us. This left me completely baffled.

Instead of showing any gratitude for my help, she threw backhanded insults at me, even though I was the one who ensured her child’s safety. Her reaction made me question whether I was wrong to be upset, but I still feel her behavior was irresponsible and ungrateful.

The internet had a lot of strong opinions.

minniequiperton wrote:

As a DND warrior, I understand not wanting to be disturbed during naps, or ever! But there adjustments you can make, so that you can be reached in case of an emergency. If the same person calls twice back to back, then the second call will go through, and the phone will ring. In fact, I’m pretty sure that is the default setting.

There’s also an option for you to create a a list of specific contacts who’s calls will come through even if your phone is on DND. The school’s number should be saved and on that list. You sister can have her peace and still be responsible, she’s simply refusing to. And instead of being a good parent, she’s lashing out at you. NTA.

ConfidentChapter2496 wrote:

NTA. Why do I know that? Because I was once in your nephew's place. My dad's coworker and friend was meant to pick me up from school one day (my sister was at camp, I was too young to catch the bus and stay home/walk to dad's work alone and both my parents were busy).

At first, I was fine with him being late. Just a little more time to play right? But as time went on, I started to get scared. What if something happened to him? What if he couldn't pick me up and had messaged my parents and something had happened to them?

Was I forgotten? Was I going to have to stay at school for hours? I went to the office and they called so he rushed over (he had caught up with some things and I slipped from his mind), and apologized a bunch before taking me to get a treat.

I don't think enough people realise just how terrifying this can be for a child. I don't know if it upset your nephew but as a young child, I was terrified and upset because everyone had gone home and I was left there. It was bad enough it being a family friend but if my actual parents had done that? I'd have felt even worse or possibly even unloved.

Tdluxon wrote:

NTA. Your sister is totally irresponsible and the fact that she won't even own up to it is further proof of her irresponsibility. She should be apologizing and thanking you. As a fairly recent parent, I can tell you that the days of DND end when you have a child... that is a responsibility bigger than yourself and there is no room for "miscommunication" or excuses.

And as far as her in-laws being on your nephew's contact list... the school COULD NOT REACH THEM! So she's going to put her reliance on the people that couldn't be reached while her son was waiting outside alone.

The same people whose "miscommunication" was the reason that he didn't get picked up (if that's even true, sounds like BS). That's pretty damn stupid. I'd make sure that your nephew has your number and keeps it with him so he can at least call you next time something stupid like this happens.

jsbleez wrote:

NTA, because even if your last on the list that means they also called the grandparents and they didnt answer. I would advise your sister that she working her way to CPS case for knowingly making herself unavailable for her minor child.

She can tell you you're over reacting but I would love to see her say that to the authorities her child has been turned over to after she chose a nap instead of picking him up.