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'AITA for not cooking for my husband's friend? He said it was unfair I was eating in front of him.' UPDATED

'AITA for not cooking for my husband's friend? He said it was unfair I was eating in front of him.' UPDATED


Dealing with entitled people can at times make you question the validity of your own boundaries.

"AITA for not cooking for my husband's friend?"

So I 24F got off work a bit ago. My husband 24M had some friends over playing card games for the evening and I knew that before I got home. I came home and saw they had ordered pizza and I don't overly like that pizza brand (dominoes is nasty imo) so I said hi to everyone and started making a frozen ramen.

Now my frozen ramen are from a local place and are delicious and not very cheap, but they are my favorite lazy meal. So I was standing at the stove making my ramen and one of my husband's friends, Brian (fake name) started saying it smelt good. I replied that yes it is delicious and he should try them out sometime but they are pricey (about 16 CAD each).

As it kept cooking he just kept saying things like "man that smells good" and "I'd kill for some ramen right now" and such. I just eventually told him that they run a special of buy 10 get 1 free (as I said they are fancy ramen, and very filling). He then said "Oh so you have more? Could you cook me one?"

Honestly I was put off by that. I had just worked for 8 hours and I had told him they aren't cheap. I said "Well no, they are kind of my thing. I really recommend trying them out though". He clearly got a bit angry and had stopped their game at this point. He said "well its kind of unfair you are making one for yourself then and not making one for a guest. You should have just had pizza."

To be fair at this point my husband and the other guys stepped in and told Brian to chill out. My husband also told Brian that it was my food and I don't like the pizza. It was pretty awkward and once my ramen was heated I took it to my desk in the other room and started typing this out. I was admittedly eavesdropping and I heard Brian leave shortly after I came to my desk.

I'm really wondering if I should have just made him a ramen because I feel the atmosphere of my husband's group might be ruined because of me. So. AITAH for not cooking for my husband's friend?

Not long after, OP shared an update.

Small update, the rest of the friends left, and husband came to talk to me. He apologized for Brian's behavior and explained that after I left, Husband asked Brian what his problem was. Brian said "whatever let's get back to the game" they all sat in discomfort for about 5 min, then Brian just got up and left.

The rest of the gang finished the game, and then they went home. According to Husband, the group agreed that Brian was acting weird and rude. One of the guys volunteered to check on him tomorrow and tell him to apologize to us. So I'll update on that tomorrow, I guess.

The comments came flowing in.

deathtoallants wrote:

NTA. Brian should’ve written down the name of the store/brand and flavor on a memo so he could go buy it later. This might be pushing it, but at most he could’ve asked for one bite on a small plate so he can at least taste test it before committing to buying 10 portions of an expensive ramen. I’ve never heard of frozen ramen. Wtf

OP responded:

The store is a ramen restaurant and they simply sell their fancy homemade ramen as frozen for a few bucks cheaper. It is just noodles, meat (spicy chicken in my case), broth, and some veggies. Honestly I could make it at home but I'm lazy lol. But I'm really relieved to see people saying I'm nta. I was getting really into my own head as I was sitting here so that's for the judgement.

Kisstheringfinga wrote:

It isn’t your responsibility to feed grown men unless you have some sort of agreement with them. I would ban any man or woman from my home that disrespected my spouse like that. The level of entitlement and overall audacity is just astounding. I couldn’t imagine some random person/friend trying to coerce my wife into cooking for them. NTA.

Trick_Parsley_3077 wrote:

“Brian” sounds like he is a Man Child and a bit Misogynistic!

Glad your husband had your back too! 👏 NTA.

PrestigiousTicket845 wrote:

NTA. I can’t believe he actually asked you to make him a ramen knowing that you just came back from an 8 hour shift?? Even the comment “I could kill for some ramen right now” is pretty insensitive because it puts you in a position to feel guilty enough to offer.

Thankfully you had a backbone and didn’t do that. Brian needs to be retaught some manners. On a positive note, I’m happy you have a supporting husband :)

The next day, OP shared an update.

Hi all! I was very overwhelmed with the responses to the post. I was honestly just working myself up last night and needed to vent somewhere, I didn't really expect such a response. Thank you all for judgements, it was helpful. Anyways to the update. Sorry it took the whole day, a lot happened.

The other friend that went to check on Brian, (Sam again fake name) tried calling him in the morning and didn't get a reply. Eventually Sam went to Brian's place and asked to talk. Sam said it basically went down as him saying,

"You were being weird as hell with ME, what was that"

"I just didn't want dominoes and you guys didn't listen to me. I just wanted other food."

Sam and my husband also say that when the group was discussing food and one of them said just get dominoes, Brian didn't say any objection.

Sam then told him along the lines of "okay well you need to apologize to Husband and I"

Brian then said "yeah I'll apologize to husband"

Most of you readers will pick up what Sam picked up on, Brian didn't want to apologize to me.

Sam told him he mostly needed to apologize to me, it was me he spoke to and me he was rude to.

Brian then told him he'll "think about it" and asked Sam to leave.

Sam then came over and told us the conversation and I started writing the update for you guys.

As I started writing Brian called husband. He was talking very rushed, and I could hear him almost a room away.

"Yeah I'm sorry for last night. I don't think I want to attend game nights at your house though. I don't get along with Me"

Husband started getting kind of heated at that point, because Brian was talking very rapidly, like in a panic almost. The argument kind of dissolved into a lot of what the comments brought up, my husband asking him was his problem was, is he just that misogynistic, why was he acting this way and such.

Husband said that Brian didn't really make sense during the "talk," making weird comments about other significant others of the guys (some of them are gay or poly), talking about the guys not 'sharing their time', and 'they (I assume he was talking about me and other partners) always ruin the energy and I can never enjoy the time with everyone."

Husband was a bit to angry to ask more and just told him to get himself sorted out and not to come over again. The other guys are more concerned and think Brian is having a manic episode or is getting into Andrew Tate, as Brian is the last single one of them group. My husband kind of doesn't care through and told them to not involve him in Brian's issues. For me I kind of don't know what to make of it.

I feel bad for my husband because he is very stressed after it all. This isn't his only friend group but he has known these guys for many years. I think most commenter clocked it correctly, he is misogynistic and was just angry at my existence. I doubt there will be another update, husband wants to step away from the whole thing for now. So thank you all again and have a good night!

And the comments kept rolling in.

Designer_Carpenter88 wrote:

F#$k that guy. He’s a grown a$$ man. I would be done with his weird a$$. We hang at a friends house on Fridays, we get pizza sometimes. His wife comes home with something else. Nobody acts like that.

bythebook88 wrote:

"I don't get along with Me"

Then don't ask people you don't like to share their food, idiot!

Trick_Parsley_3077 wrote:

I commented on your original post that I thought Brian was Misogynistic, but after reading your Update…I getting vibes that maybe Brian has some other issues going on! Maybe either mental or substance issues??? Something is definitely off with him. Again great job for your husband handling this issue and having your back!

canyonemoon wrote:

It's great some friends want to help Brian through whatever he is very clearly going through, but I also think it's more than fair for your husband to just cut ties and be done with him. Some people need help and support to get better, but it's more than alright to not want to provide that support when the person needing it has been nasty, cruel, and s*xist.

I'm sorry it's stressing you both out so much, sounds like a really miserable situation. I'm just so glad that your husband is such a stand up guy and has been supporting you from the get go. Maybe a relaxing weekend away from everything here would be nice for you. :)

bugabooandtwo wrote:

He feels left out. The last single bro of the pack. He's being left behind and is jealous and resentful of you and the other significant others. Why do they have SOs and I don't? What do they see in the bros but not me?

That type of self hate and angst that just spills out and hits everyone else.

He needs to do some soul searching and figure things out before he alienates his entire friend group and ends up completely alone.

Sources: Reddit
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