'AITA for allowing my 11-year-old-daughter to exclude the class clown from a Halloween party?'
"AITA for allowing my daughter to exclude the class clown from a Halloween party even though most of the girls were invited?"
My daughter, Emma (11F), is planning her Halloween party. We’ve invited most of the girls in her class, since they’re all pretty close and she’s known many of them for years. However, there’s one girl in her class, let’s call her Lily, who’s known as the class clown.
She is new this year. My daughter greatly dislikes her and made it clear she doesn’t wish to invite her. I am fine with that, she is in middle school and can pick the guest list. Lily’s mom found out about the party (I’m guessing from another parent) and reached out to me, asking why her daughter wasn’t invited when most of the girls from their class were.
She asked me to reconsider and invite Lily to avoid making her feel left out especially since they are new to the school. I told her that my daughter picked the guest list and she isn’t close to your daughter. She reiterated that she should be invited since most of the girls in the class are.
I told her no again. She asked why, and I told her the truth. That my daughter doesn’t like your daughter and finds her annoying. That she is the class clown and disruptive, and my daughter doesn’t wish to deal with her outside of school. The mom called me an ahole and other parents are contacting me. Some saying I am in the right and others saying to invite her.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Bartlet4America said:
NTA. It's your daughter's party and as you said, she can determine the guest list. I get the other mom not wanting her new-to-that-school daughter feeling left out, but she's also gotta understand that kids will pick their friends, too, and nobody is under any obligation to be invited to a birthday party. This is just that other parent wanting to avoid having a tough conversation with their daughter.
Leigeofgoblins said:
NTA. I am saying this as someone who spent much of their school life as the weird outsider (thanks undiagnosed autism) and was often excluded from my peers' social things. Forcing a child to invite someone they don't want to, sets the expectation that their feelings are less important.
This kid might think she wants to be invited but I reckon there's a high chance if she succeeded and got an invitation, she would not have a good time because no one would want to interact with her, especially your daughter.
IWasOnTimeOnce said:
ESH. I don’t think the girl’s mom should have called you and pressured you to invite her daughter. But mom, let’s talk about name calling. “Class clown” isn’t appropriate. You described her as disruptive. You also said she’s new, and the other girls have known each other for many years.
I wonder if this girl is having difficulty making friends or being accepted into an established group of girls? Have you talked to the teacher? Is there a neurodiversity issue that maybe your child can learn to be more accepting of, or is the child just desperate to make a friend? It’s her party and she can invite who she wants. But you have an opportunity to help your daughter grow from this.
Chance-Contract-1290 said:
NTA. Adults are allowed to minimize the amount of time they spend with unpleasant people outside of required settings like work. No reason kids shouldn't be allowed to do likewise.
StaringAtStarshine said:
NTA for allowing your daughter to choose who she invites, but you really shouldn’t have told Lily’s mom straight-up like that. This would’ve been the time for a white lie: “We only have enough money to feed X number of guests,” “It’s only Emma’s close friends,” some practical reason like that that’ll just get her to stop pushing. Telling her that your kid thinks hers is annoying is just rude.
Tac0Band1t0 said:
NTA: This is part of growing up, learning that you may not be invited to events held by those who don't like you.
mom_in_the_garden said:
Did your daughter invite “most” of the girls in her class or ALL of the girls except for the new one? YTA if it is the latter. Check with your daughter to be sure she is being accurate.
dragonsandvamps said:
I think where this edges over to YTA mean girl behavior for me is the act of inviting almost the entire class except for just a few people. If she doesn't want the girl at her party, that's fine. But IMHO it would be better to have a party with a few close friends, or invite the whole class, not invite the whole class with the exclusion of a few people, which is mean girl behavior.