'AITA for allowing my friend to propose at my graduation party?' 'This was just plain tacky.'
"AITA for allowing my friend to propose at my graduation party?"
I (18F) just recently graduated high school in May. The summer has been so busy so I haven’t been able to have a graduation party until last weekend. My mom (45F) and her friend pulled out all the stops: taco bar, cute decorations, and games as well as putting together an Amazon registry for my dorm room! It was truly amazing, except for one minor hiccup.
A few days before the party, I get a text from a super close family friend, Max (21M) asking if he could propose to his girlfriend (who also happens to be my cousin) Bri (22F) at the party.
I absolutely ADORE them as a couple and I have always seen Max and Bri as the older siblings I never had, so of course I was overjoyed at the impending engagement and the fact that Max wanted to incorporate my event into a small aspect of their story. So of course, I gave him the go ahead!
Cut to last Saturday, after we went outside of the venue for pictures, Max took a knee and popped the question. She said yes, and because we were already outside for pictures, we got some gorgeous shots of the proposal.
Everyone was overjoyed, except my mother and her friend (the one who helped her plan the party) who pulled me and Max aside, infuriated, and said that the party was supposed to be about me entering into a new stage in my life, and they didn’t plan the party for Max and Bri, and they were stealing my thunder, and that this was on par with proposing at a wedding, and that this was just plain tacky.
Max apologized, but I said that I gave him permission and that yes, this is my party so I want to celebrate with my family and friends who are also about to enter into a new chapter of life! However, my mom said I didn’t plan the party so it’s not technically mine so Max should have asked them instead of me. So AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BaconEggAndCheeseSPK said:
YTA. Your mom was the hostess, not you. She shelled out the money for the venue, the food, decorations, etc to celebrate you, not Matt and Bri. I know you’re flattered and think “Matt wanted to incorporate your event into his story” but what he really wanted was for his engagement to be subsidized by your mother.
What was the rush? They are 21 and 22? Why didn’t Matt save up another year to throw his own event to propose at?
SusanfromMA said:
It is always in poor taste to use someone's party to do such things. It was unfair of Max to ask you to allow it. I understand why your mother is upset, she paid for the party and it became all about Max and Bri.
You should have told the person paying for the party and asked them. So while the party was FOR you it wasn't your party, it was your mother's. Max 100% should have ask permission from your mother, not you. YTA.
TemptingPenguin369 said:
YTA. It's generally tacky to hijack a party. But you weren't throwing this party; your mother threw the party. Max should have cleared this with your mother, who wanted to throw a party just for you. Basically your mom threw a party that was about Max's announcement, which means Max and you are the tacky ones here.
Was Max too cheap/broke to throw his own party, that he had to jump in on something your mom and her friend planned for you? You're young, so maybe you don't understand how hurtful this was to your mom and her friend. Please apologize to both of them.
clockstrikes91 said:
Soft YTA for you, but Max is a huge one. idk who in their right mind would think someone else's graduation party would be the perfect place to propose. Just gives the impression that, when Max found out your mom was going all out, he realized he could reap huge benefits without spending a dime.
Mom and her friend spent all that money, all their time and effort, to throw this big bash to celebrate you and you alone. It would have been so hurtful watch it get derailed like that, because once the proposal happened, few if any people would have even cared about your achievement. It becomes all about the couple.
Your mom just wanted to give you your day. You weren't able to celebrate when the graduation actually happened, and when she tried to make it up to you, the party was taken over in such a shameless way. Max could have planned his own party to propose. He absolutely did not need to do it here.
Having-hope3594 said:
Slight YTA. Your mom and her friend ought to have been asked. You meant well for the couple. I have a daughter graduating next year and would want her party to be a family memory a big lifetime milestone. The engagement was a distraction (although a happy one and you were very gracious).
Veneretio said:
NTA I’m genuinely confused why so many think this person is the asshole. The party was for them. If they were comfortable with it. Who cares. OP just sounds like a supportive person. I really can’t believe so many people are siding with the mother who this part wasn’t for. It’s also really odd that the mother thinks this is even close to on par with a wedding.