"AITA for 'allowing' my husband to be rude?"
I’m almost eight months pregnant with my and my husband’s first baby. Most of my extended family lives in a different state. Last week my aunt, my cousin and my grandmother flew over to spend the weekend visiting us.
On Saturday, we had lunch at a restaurant near my father’s place. My husband and I drove there in our car, with my sister and my cousin in the backseat. My father, his fiancée, my aunt and my grandmother walked there from his place (~10 min walk), while my other cousin (who lives in the same city as we do) opted for the subway.
My sister left halfway through our meal to meet her friends. When we were done, my father invited everyone over to his place. The walk to the restaurant wasn’t great for my grandmother, so we offered to drive her.
The plan was for my father (her request) and my cousin to come along. The others could either walk there or wait 10 minutes for my husband to pick them up, as no one thought paying for an Uber would be worth it.
The only person who had a problem with this was my father’s fiancée, who didn’t want to be without him. She asked us whether there was room for her in the car, and was told no.
Instead of asking to switch places with my cousin or going along with the plan, she followed us to the car (claiming she was just walking us there), crammed herself into the backseat with the rest of us to “see if she’d fit” and closed the door. My grandmother had gotten shotgun and my husband would drive, so that left me, my cousin, my father and his fiancée in the backseat.
I was sandwiched between my cousin and the door. It was very uncomfortable, which both me and my cousin voiced, but my father didn’t say anything and his fiancée refused to move.
My husband said he wouldn’t start the car until she left it. She tried to argue, but he said if she didn’t care about him possibly getting a ticket, she should care about the fact that I’m heavily pregnant. She kept trying to argue, but he didn’t take off.
After about a minute of that, she accepted he wouldn’t budge and left the car. We drove away, my husband dropped us off and then went back to pick her and the others up.
She was cold and my father was quiet to me and my husband throughout the rest of the weekend. Honestly, we both felt like the whole situation was both very stupid and completely avoidable, so we didn’t dwell on it.
My father called me to say he “wasn’t okay” with how rude I had allowed my husband to be to his fiancée, and they expected apologies from both of us. I asked him what made him think I was okay with: 1- her behavior; and 2- the fact he hadn’t done or said anything about it.
And I added that if they didn’t think they should also apologize, I wouldn’t even think of telling my husband we had to be the ones to make amends. My sister thinks we should apologize just to keep the peace. I don’t think my husband should, but I also don’t want him to take the fall for this.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
TheWacoFogey said:
NTA. Everyone knows who the AH is. Even your father knows who the AH is. He's just too whipped to deal with it. He wants you to let him off the hook with his fiancéezilla by pretending the whole scene wasn't her fault.
Don't play her game. Tell your father that he should be ashamed of himself for forcing his very pregnant daughter into that situation.
Hopeful_Emu849 said:
Your father and his fiancée sound ridiculously entitled. If it's only a ten-minute walk, how was this even worth arguing over? There was no room for her. It's that simple. He could have waited with her...or she could just be not physically in his presence for ten minutes. NTA.
brimelbennett90 said:
Your husband wasn't rude. He was obeying the law and setting boundaries. The two of you should have a good laugh at the silliness of the situation and move on.
AntisocialFreeky said:
NTA. So he had no eyes to see that his fiancée was the problem? He wants an apology from you? What kind of person is he? They deserve each other I have to say.
LakeGlen4287 said:
Your father is the problem here, not you or your husband. He should have gotten out of the car, or better still, never gotten in it. Instead, he should have either let his wife go in the first trip, or wait together with her for the second trip.
What happened is his fiancé got super mad at him for sitting his butt in the back seat and not budging even though there was no room for her. That's what happened when they got home.
Your dad is trying to shift the blame. His fiancé is his responsibility, not yours, and not your husband's. Your husband's job is you. He was taking care of you and the safety of your unborn baby. He did the right thing.
Secret-Counter9965 said:
NTA if they walked there they can walk back. I think your father is being controlled by her. You may want to sit with your dad one on one and talk to him. Tell him how you feel if she shows up or if says he can’t then you know it’s not your dad it’s her. It’s sad what happens to men when they meet someone.