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'AITA for allowing a newborn baby at my child-free wedding?' 'I thought it would be obvious.'

'AITA for allowing a newborn baby at my child-free wedding?' 'I thought it would be obvious.'


"AITA for allowing a newborn baby at my child free wedding?"

I (F29) am getting married in a week. My fiancé and I have chosen to have a childfree wedding, with no one under the age of 12 being invited to attend. This impacted a few people but no one really raised much issue with it, my friend 'Lisa' (F28) has a 6 month old son and has organized to have her mother babysit.

My soon to be SIL is pregnant, due a couple of weeks after our wedding. Well, she isn't pregnant anymore, she has just had her baby. She still wants to attend, and we want her to come as well, so we are bending the rules and allowing her to bring along the baby.

Lisa saw the facebook announcement and called me to have a "random" chat, that very quickly turned into her pestering me about SIL and the wedding. When I mentioned that she was still coming, she acted all confused and asked about the baby. I didn't think much of it, and told her the truth.

She got pretty miffed and started asking if she could bring her son too. I said no, that we still want a mostly child-free wedding and SIL is a close family exception. She is now calling me an ahole, saying that I'm playing favourites and that I should be more accommodating to all new mothers.

She wasn't happy about the childfree wedding to begin with, but came around to it and settled on her mother babysitting. But now SIL is bringing her newborn, she is really upset and a few of our shared friends have sent messages asking why I can't just accommodate her the same way I'm accommodating my SIL. That it's still only one more baby.

I thought it would be obvious why I'm going to let my SIL bring her week old newborn to the wedding, but I don't know much about babies. Am I missing something? Am I being the ahole?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Sometimesitsamonkey said:

NTA. I got married last year and was totally child free. Our only exception was newborns or exclusively breastfed babies. One guest declined because she didn’t want to bring her newborn to a wedding. Totally fine and understandable. Another guest had an 8ish month old and was happy to have a night away, but left a little early to get back to the baby sitter. Again, totally fine and understandable.

Your guest has childcare. She was fine leaving them before. If it would be better to decline for the child’s best interest, so sorry. We’ll have to get dinner soon! The decision is final. You’ve said your answer. Let her know you have a lot of other things going on and can’t discuss this any further. Enjoy your wedding!

FindAriadne said:

NTA. Your wedding, your rules. Newborns cannot be away from their mother for as long as a six month old baby can. Lisa knows this. And the fact that she is giving you sh%t and making your wedding about her sucks.

Six month old babies cry a lot more loudly than newborns. Trust me. Newborn lung power is not the same as six month old lung power. Plus you don’t need a good reason. You don’t need any reason. your reasons are good enough, it’s your event.

The fact that she was able to get childcare and only cared once somebody else got to bring their baby says it all. This isn’t about what she’s capable of doing, it’s about her idea of what’s fair. And life ain’t fair Lisa.

ajaye90 said:

NTA. However, your sil is an AH for wanting to take a 1 week old baby out to a wedding and risking getting that baby sick. Newborns are at an extremely HIGH risk of getting sick and going septic every fast. She really should rethink taking her baby out to be around that many ppl.

Bright-Week-8813 said:

NTA, assuming you now wouldn't get annoyed if Lisa decided that she no longer wants to attend. She was reluctant in the first place, but decided to put aside her reluctance to attend your special day. She may now decide that she would rather be with her baby instead, which is reasonable.

strawberry_thickcake said:

NTA. First and foremost: it’s your wedding. You and your future spouse are the only ones whose opinion matters. Anybody who doesn’t like your choices isn’t obligated to come. It’s all about celebrating your love for each other.

Also, completely reasonable to have your SIL bring your brand new niece/nephew! We are getting married July 2025, and are doing child free unless the baby is too young to be away from mom! Happy wedding!

Renie1957 said:

NTA but I don't think your SIL bringing a one week old newborn to the wedding is a good idea at all. A newborn around large crowds and you know everyone will want to hold it. Your SIL needs to think this through better.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this wedding drama?

Sources: Reddit
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