'AITA for altering my late cousin's wedding dress to use in my own wedding?' 'I'm a horrible person.'
"AITA for altering my late cousin's wedding dress to use in my own wedding?"
About 6 years ago my (28 F) cousin (29 F), Callie (fake name), moved to the same city as me. We grew extremely close and honestly clicked better than I had with anyone else.
She quickly became my best friend. We met up all the time and even introduced me to my fiancé (30 M). When Callie got engaged, she asked me to be her maid of honor, and I accepted. We were both so excited and she involved me in pretty much all the wedding planning.
When her sister Anna found out that I was the maid of honor instead of her, she was furious. She claimed that Callie was turning her back on her real family and threw a fit. It got to the point where Anna got kicked out of the bridal party and her parents almost boycotted the wedding.
Fortunately, aside from a few petty comments from Anna, the wedding went off without a hitch. Shortly after, Callie helped my then boyfriend propose to me. Obviously, I asked Callie to be my maid of honor, and she suggested I also repurpose her wedding dress for mine as my “something borrowed."
Due to some issues with my future FIL’s health, we decided to put off on the wedding, and during that time, Callie got pregnant and asked me and my fiancé to be the baby’s godparents.
We brainstormed names together, went baby shopping, and i helped put together their nursery. I was so excited when Callie referred to me as her child’s aunt, and I was over the moon to find out she was having twins. I started planning ways to accommodate Callie and her babies for my wedding, as I wouldn’t want to have it without them.
But, to make a long story short, Callie passed away during labor, along with one of her twins. I was devastated, but stepped up to plan the funeral and help her husband, who had come to be one of my closest friends, for the months after her death. It was honestly the hardest point in my life, and even a year later i’m struggling to come to terms with it all.
A few months ago I came to my cousin's husband and asked if I could still repurpose Callie’s wedding dress like she suggested, thinking it would be a good way to honor her and still include her in my wedding, and he was all for it.
The problem came when Anna called me, tearing into me that I’m a horrible person for altering her late sister's wedding dress without consulting her first. I tried to explain my side but she said that I’m a selfish AH for doing this when she deserves her sister's dress more.
She claims that because she wasn’t a part of the bridal party, this is her only way to feel connected to her sister's wedding. She made a long post on Facebook tearing into me, calling me all sorts of names and claiming that I'm insulting her sister’s memory.
I honestly don’t know what to do, this has torn my family into two sides and it’s been incredibly hard on Callie’s husband. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Much_Click4511 said:
NTA. It’s clear you and Callie had a special relationship, and using her dress as she suggested is a touching way to honor her memory. The fact that her husband supported the decision is key here. Anna’s reaction, while perhaps coming from a place of grief, is unfair to you given the circumstances and the history you shared with Callie.
Chemical_Cupcake_100 said:
NTA. Not only did Callie already give permission for you to use her dress, but it was her idea in the first place. Furthermore, Anna is the only one to blame for her not being more involved in her sister's wedding. She has no right to the dress. Also, why would she even need it? Is she engaged?
LouisV25 said:
NTA. Please stay away from Anna she is always going to blame you for what she didn’t have with her sister. Don’t let her get in your head.
NonnysMoose said:
NTA. Callie made her wishes known well before she passed and as long as her husband is okay with still honoring that, then there’s no reason not to go forward as planned.
Kbeary88 said:
NTA. This is such a sweet way to honor your cousin. Callie wanted you to do this and you honoring her wishes and including her in your wedding by doing so. If her husband had objected then you’d be the asshole if you pushed the issue, but he hasn’t.
Had this been years in the future and her child objected because they wanted the dress for their wedding I’d probably think you were an asshole too. But as it stands the only person who could legitimately say no is Callie’s husband and he agrees with the usage.
moriahskies said:
NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a beautiful friendship. Her sister is just jealous and has no claim to the dress as Callie gave it to you.
74Magick said:
NTA Your cousin wanted you to wear her dress, and you absolutely should. You are honoring her memory, and including her in your wedding with her husbands blessing. Best wishes.