'Am I overreacting? I'm on a family vacation and I feel like my family are being inconsiderate of my kids.'
"Am I overreacting? I'm on a family vacation and I feel like my family are being inconsiderate of my kids."
I'm on vacation with my husband's family over the new year, which has all been paid for by them and I'm super grateful. The problem is I feel like they're being pretty inconsiderate of my kids (4 and 6 YO).
My BIL & his wife had a baby a few months ago, this is my kids first time their cousin, they're very excited and have been really good with him. They always wash their hands before touching the baby, they make sure not to cough near him, they're super gentle etc.
Despite this I feel like they are constantly reprimanding my kids for any slight transgression eg not coughing into their elbow while not near the baby (they do 95% of the time, but again, they are 4 &6 years old), running around and making noise while the baby is asleep on the floor in a common area.
Despite the fact that after my kids go to bed, they get pretty rowdy themselves with the sleeping baby in the room and with no regard for my sleeping children nearby. If I ask my kids to do something like go get a piece of fruit because they've told me they're hungry out of earshot of others, they'll stop my kids and tell them they can't have any.
They know my kids have dinner at 6.30 and when at home we always have dinner together. Despite this, dinner is usually left until after the baby's mom is done pumping (she has a very strict pumping schedule) meaning I often have to make them something quick and they don't eat until 7, and we don't get to eat together. I have expressed my frustration to my husband.
Last night was the last straw for me. My daughter was in the middle of eating her dinner and my MIL told her to take her dinner and go elsewhere. I asked why can she not just eat there.
She responded it's because the adults were going to be eating soon and she wanted to set the table. My husband said can it not just wait until she's done, MIL got in a huff and he just said fine and told my daughter to move down the table. I was livid.
Then after my kids had been put to bed and we had eaten, my daughter came downstairs. My husband and I were in another room and I heard my SIL reprimand my daughter for getting out of bed without even asking why. I went in to check on her, she had gotten up because her brother was making noise and she couldn't get to sleep. So, am I overreacting?
Edit to address some common questions:
They are my husband's kids.
I have spoken up for my kids each time.
We've been here 4 days and each day we were told dinner would be at 6.30 and have not eaten before 8.30, which is obviously too late for a 4 and 6 year old. It's not about pushing dinner by 30 mins, it's that as a family we prioritize meals together and haven't actually been able to have a meal with our own kids all week because they are never considered.
My kids have not coughed on the baby. They are well aware of how fragile small babies are and are doing their best.
None of the above applies to the parents of the baby. This is driven by my MIL and SIL mainly, and my FIL to a lesser extent.
I bought the fruit 😅
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Can’t wait until that baby gets to be 4-6 years old and they get to experience that joy lol
Coming from the scapegoat who has a golden child sibling with multiple kids of similar ages I can tell you he, his wife, and his kids are treated better than me, my spouse, and our kids no matter what. We can do no right and they can do no wrong. It’s how it always has been and always will be. You get used to it.
Not overreacting. I would be finding somewhere else to stay.
NOR it sounds like they've never spent extended time with 4 & 6 year old, kids do their best and it sounds like you are being very considerate of the new baby while nobody is being considerate of your kids.
I'd chalk this up to a lesson and never go on vacay with them again.
NOR It is disrespectful of people parenting your kids when you are RIGHT THERE. And people are often so disrespectful to little kids. I would probably go home early and wouldn’t agree to come back.
Just ask them not to discipline your kids? You're hearing this stuff so speak up. I think you're OR to the mom asking her to move elsewhere. I feel like that was ok. I mean she could have set the table around your daughter but the other things I would just speak up as they are happening.
I think this is the best comment. I think OP is overreacting somewhat. I also think defending the kids when it's needed in the moment is best. It's not best to let it stew and then get all angry about it.
When the kid came down and sister-in-law said something about her getting out of bed, that was the time to say that you'll take care of it and you'd appreciate if she didn't discipline your child. You'd like to be the one doing that.
As far as moving your child so she could set the table, I think that was an overreaction. It's not easy being with a bunch of other people when you're not used to them and it takes effort on all sides. And if the baby's asleep, take the kids outside so they don't wake it up.