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"Am I wrong for not causing drama about my daughter not inviting me to her wedding?"

"Am I wrong for not causing drama about my daughter not inviting me to her wedding?"


Divorce is hard on the two people that go through it. It's even more devastating for any children that may be involved. On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, a man respects his daughter's wishes for him not to be at her wedding and realizes that may have been the wrong choice.

AITA for not caring that my daughter didn't invite me to her wedding?

I'm sorry, OP, that's hard.

My (46m) ex-wife (44f) and I divorced when my daughter was three. My ex later remarried and moved to a different state. I had visitation and tried my best to stay in my daughter's life, but eventually, she didn't want to spend time with me.

Drop one dad, and you can always get another.

She had a good life with her mom and stepdad. I paid child support and sent gifts at Christmas time and on birthdays. If she needed money for anything, I would give it.

Congrats, OP!

I met my current wife(28f) about five years ago. We were friends for a few years before she told me how she felt. We had known each other so long our engagement was very short. We were engaged, married, and expecting our son in one year.

He, indeed, has been excommunicated from his daughter's life.

My daughter is now 25 and engaged. My parents asked me about my plans for the wedding, and I didn't have any answers because I didn't know about it. I called my ex to find out what was up. She said her husband paid for everything and would walk my daughter down the aisle.

The truth hurts.

I was hurt. But I understood that my adult daughter had made her choice in life. So I thanked her mom for making sure my parents got an invitation. Then I went back to my life. I have a newborn that needs my attention.

Uh-oh, someone wanted a little more drama.

Well, I have been hearing from her family now. Apparently, I'm the a**hole who doesn't even care that I'm not invited to my daughter's wedding. That's not entirely true. I chose not to make a big deal about it because I didn't want to cause drama over my daughter's wedding.

It feels like you were always going to lose in this scenario.

But now my ex-in-laws are all on me about not attending. And now my daughter is on social media saying I abandoned her and am not even trying to come because I only care about my 'replacement' family.


Natural_Garbage7674 says:

NTA (Not the A**hole). Not inviting someone to your wedding as attention-seeking behavior is a great way to end a relationship completely (and it sounds like it was pretty dead already).

I guess she probably wanted you to put up a fight, demand that you be invited, scream, and cry to the universe that it wasn't fair you were separated from your daughter. She just doesn't understand that you've already been through that when you were first cut out of her life by her own choice.

You instead did the adult thing and chose to respect her decision at face value. She played a child's game with an adult who didn't get to spend time with his child, no wonder you didn't play the way she wanted.

Straight-Singer-2912 says:

Wait, your daughter didn't tell you about the wedding, didn't invite you to the wedding, but wanted you to make the effort to come? Huh?

AnimEtc says:

You know this is interesting because on the surface you aren’t at fault here. But this is so much more loaded than a wedding invite. This is your child, and for a long time, she’s felt like you’ve given up on her. I think she’s waiting for you to fight for her love and demand her attention. The fact that you are so matter of fact, so indifferent towards your relationship must break her heart.

Listen to what she’s saying: she feels abandoned by you. You also didn’t stop to consider that you married someone who is virtually her age and is starting a new family. That is tough for any child but to think that she will likely have a child of her own and a sibling so close in age is, well, unsettling.

I don’t really care to determine who is the AH here. All I know is that your daughter is really hurting. Your newborn won’t remember this time, but your grown child will never forget it.

OP, I think you may want to consider family therapy.

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