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Am I wrong for refusing to give my 'promiscuous' sister my inheritance for her kids?

Am I wrong for refusing to give my 'promiscuous' sister my inheritance for her kids?


There are few things that can drive a family apart, like money. The truly desperate will do whatever they can to survive (or at least ask family for help). On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, money drives a wedge between her and her sister.

She writes:

'AITA for not giving my sister who's a single mom my share of inheritance?​​​​​​'

My (35f) last remaining grandmother passed away last month (that side of the family is Jewish, and it's customary to give an inheritance to the grandkids in Jewish families).

My sister (27f) is a single mom of three (one with special needs). All have different dads. None are in the picture (one is in jail, another was a one-night stand in Vegas and didn't even remember his first name, and the other is just an unemployed deadbeat).

Some landlords have good hearts.

She's drowning in debt (primarily medical bills for her special needs child) and got fired from multiple jobs due to having to constantly call out due to her special needs child having some medical emergency, she's months behind on rent, but the landlord hasn't evicted her bc he feels sorry for her.

Being child-free affords luxury.

My husband (42m) and I are child-free by choice. While we aren't Vanderbilt's by any stretch, we do have a comfortable lifestyle. We were going to use my portion of the inheritance for a down payment on a house (we live in an apartment, albeit a nice one) and to treat ourselves to a lovely vacation in Europe (I've never been there, but my husband has and I've always wanted to go).

Everyone is generous when it's not their inheritance.

My sister's portion of the inheritance will cover some of her debt (she wants to pay off creditors first bc they're threatening to take her to court while the landlord is showing more leniency).

Still, my family is saying I should give her my share of the inheritance because that would cover almost all her debt (she wasn't spending frivolously. It was mostly the mounting medical bills for my particular needs nephew). It's 'more important' than a house because we're 'fine in our apartment,' and this is 'more urgent.'

OP wants her sister to learn the consequences of her actions.

I'm no prude or slut shamer, but the bottom line is my sister was reckless in having unprotected sex with multiple men and getting pregnant by three separate ones who, for various reasons, can't/don't help, and that's not my fault.

I don't feel my husband and I should have to sacrifice our dream of being homeowners (which is incredibly hard to do these days) and having to sacrifice this vacation I've always wanted to go on. I was responsible and think I made good choices, and I don't think I should have to suffer consequences for her poor decisions.

Most people chimed in with little sympathy for OP's sister.

Fickle_Ostrich4923 says:

NTA (Not the A**hole). If you want to be both petty and generous, tell your family you'll match whatever money they give her. (They probably won't give any, or at least not much, because it's a lot easier to be generous on someone else's dime).

BeastOfGevaudan says:

NTA - You aren't responsible for your sister's repeated bad life choices. More importantly, if your grandmother wanted her to have it she would have put it in her will.

swing_axle says:

NTA. The money was your grandmother's last gift to you. Your grandmother could have stipulated that more of the money go to your sister, but she didn't. You're never obligated to dig someone else out of their sh*t. Even family.

invisiblew830 says:

NTA. Perhaps, your relatives could help her.

The internet seems to agree that it's grandma's fault for not leaving your sister more money.

Sources: Reddit
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