Dad wants to kick BIL out for saying daughter has a 'defect?' AITA?
Divorce is never easy for anyone involved. Watching family go through it may be the most challenging part because there isn't anything you can do but offer support. Money, assets, dealing with intruding questions from family, there are no net positives other than maybe getting out of a situation that wasn't good for you. He writes:
"AITA for telling my wife the lock on my daughter's door does not get removed til my brother inlaw and his daughters are out of our house?"
My brother-in-law (Sammy) lost his home shortly after his divorce ten months ago. He moved in with us and brought his twin daughters (Olivia and Sloane18) with him a couple of months ago. His sister (my wife) and I have one daughter (Zoey, 16), and she and her cousins aren't close but get along fine.
Olivia and Sloane have no respect for Zoey's privacy, none. They used to walk into her room and take everything they could get their hands on—makeup, phone accessories, clothes, school laptop, etc. Zoey complained a lot, and I've already asked the girls to respect Zoey's privacy and stop taking things.
My wife and Sammy saw no issue with this. After all, they're girls, which is typical teenage behavior. The last straw was when Zoey bought a $60 MAC makeup kit that looked like a paint set she had saved up for over a month, and one of the girls, Sloane, took it without permission and ruined it by herself mixing shades using it.
I told my wife, and she said she'd ask Sloane to apologize, but I got Zoey a lock after I found out she was moving valuable belongings out of the house because of this incident! Sammy and his daughters saw the lock and weren't happy; the girls were distraught. Sammy asked about it, and I straight-up told him. He said, 'my daughters aren't thieves!!! Normally, girls of the same age borrow each other's stuff.'
He said Zoey could quickly get another makeup kit for 15 bucks from Walmart and shouldn't even be buying expensive - adult makeup to try and appear older than she is in the first place and suggested my wife take care of this 'defect' in Zoey's personality. He accused me of being overprotective and babying Zoey with this level of enablement.
I told him this was between my wife and me. But when I went to her, she shamed me for putting a lock on Zoey's door for her cousins to see and preventing them from 'spending time' with her. She said I was supposed to treat them like daughters, then demanded I remove the lock. But I told them this lock does not get removed until her brother and his daughters leave our house.
She got mad. I was implying we kicked them out and said her family would hate me for this. So I reminded her that I let Sammy and his family move in, which her OWN family refused to do, so she should start with shaming/blaming them for not taking their son and nieces/granddaughters in.
If it weren't for her family's unwillingness to help, we wouldn't be dealing with this much disturbance at home. Everyone's been giving me and Zoey silent treatment, and my wife is distraught.
The internet is here for a good dad!
riblz11 says:
NTA (Not the A**hole). Don't back down. You are the only one sticking up for Zoey. If her cousins want to use expensive makeup, give them your wife's. I guarantee she won't appreciate sharing anymore. They need to start behaving like appreciative guests.
0biterdicta says:
NTA. Your wife harbors someone who tells you that Zoey has a 'defect' in her personality for buying an expensive makeup kit; that's the kind of thing that has people thinking about divorce.
Your daughter doesn’t feel like she has any privacy or respect in her own home, and you gave her a lock to give her back her privacy.
You tried talking to your wife, your BIL, and your nieces, and that got you nowhere - if your daughter has to accept three additional adults living in her home, they need to accept her very reasonable boundaries of not taking and ruining her things. Good for you showing your daughter you respect and support her.
Start the change dot org petition to get your BIL out of your house!