"AITA for still holding onto anger for my now SIL for wearing white to my wedding?"

I, (29f) & my husband (26m) recently got married a little over a month ago. His sister (19f) who i will refer to as A, showed up to our wedding wearing a silver/white, extremely short dress.

For a little backstory, she had originally said about a month before the wedding that she wasn’t even planning on showing up because as she told my husband, I am a “psychopath” for asking for boundaries & that I do not take being disrespected by her due to some things that have happened this year.

Multiple people came up to me at the reception asking why she was wearing white, she did not speak to me the entirety of our wedding, except to glare at me when I was walking passed her saying, “this is why I can’t be here sober” (I was very strict to begin with that no one under the age of 21 was allowed to drink, but my MIL had other ideas I suppose).

In addition, she was laughing & snickering during our entire ceremony. My husband backs me wanting to be no contact with her & low contact with my MIL, but will defend her slightly saying “she’s only 19, she probably didn’t know you can’t wear white to a wedding."

While yes, I agree that she is young, she knew exactly what she was doing. My husband worries that I am holding hate in my heart & holding a grudge. So I’m coming to you. AITAH for still being upset & not wanting to let it go?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say, plus OP's responses:

Vmo1520 said:

NTA. i’m glad to hear your husband is backing the decision to go low/no contact but jesus christ she’s 19 and DEF knows better. she sounds spoiled as shit just from that little bit of context. I could understand snotty behavior like that from a 15-16 year old but she’s an adult.

MIL also sounds like she clearly enables her. stick to your guns and maybe reopen the conversation with hubby that it’s not about YOU “holding hate” in your heart, it’s the fact that SIL is clearly holding hate for you. Do either of you have any reason as to why she seemingly holds so much resentment towards you?

OP responded:

My MIL absolutely enables her & my husband says that all the time. Him & I have had conversations about it, but I try to choose my words wisely because at the end of the day, it is his sister & he loves her.

The only thing that she said set her off was I was going through a hard time at the beginning of the year, mentally & medically & at family functions, I wasn’t as sociable or talkative, which I told the family that I wasn’t feeling great, but she said I singled her out(which I can promise I did not)

Cute_Emergency_2712 said:

I agree your sil knew exactly what she was doing wearing white to your wedding. On the other hand, I really doubt a 19yo wearing a mini dress would have managed to be confused for the bride or even compete in looks. What she probably earned was the ridiculous on everyone’s eyes for her obvious juvenile attention grabbing behavior.

For you as the bride, her attitude was annoying and disrespectful, and you can go NC until she apologizes, but if I were you I wouldn’t let her live rent free in my mind. And rest assured she’ll be remembered as the talk of the event, but not in a nice way.

Sometimes showing that you do not care about something so petty is the best revenge. Her intention was to make you mad and humiliated, by not giving that to her it’ll piss her of badly. That’s the best way with narcissistic people.

DreamPinkSunflowers said:

NTA. Very immature 19 year old. She's bound to celebrate something in the future, maybe you can announce a pregnancy on her birthday dinner haha. Yes, i am petty like that; hoping you are better person than me.

writekindofnonsense said:

Screw wearing white, she was being disrespectful during your ceremony. That would get her a place on my shit list forever. Wearing white was her little "i want attention" moment that probably backfired which made her more pissed. "You don't have to forgive and you don't have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent, and then you move on"

OP responded:

That’s what set me off the most, was seeing her laughing & snickering during our ceremony. The white was a petty thing. But the being absolutely disrespectful during the ceremony is not okay. And if you were to try to even have a conversation with her about it, she will pretend like she didn’t do it or play the victim. NC seems to be the best route to go at this point.

Vmo1520 said:

good on you for taking the high road and being understanding during previous conversations with your husband!!! do you think she could be harboring some jealousy towards you at all? i’ve read some other posts on reddit where the younger siblings can get messy with their older siblings partners because in a sense they now have to “share” them and feel left out.

she could be going about that in a very manipulative way? it could just be she’s a bitchy 19 year old and that’s who she is as a person but it sounds like you’re getting singled out pretty hard

And OP responded:

I feel it could go either way. Other family members have started to cut her out slowly also. She is a very “if the attention is not on me I’m not happy” kind of person.