"AITA for announcing my preganacy at my sister's wedding?"

I'm 32, my sister is 28, and we've always been incredibly close. Point in case, she was the first person I told that I was pregnant, besides my husband of course. I told her essentially a week after I got a positive pregnancy test, which was about 3 months before her wedding.

I told her that I was going to tell our parents and my husband's parents around the 10 week mark, but she told me that I should hold off until her wedding in September. I'd be like 4 months along at that point, so I wouldn't be showing really, and she thought it would be so special for her to be able to make an announcement about a "special guest" at her wedding.

Also, it would be her first niece or nephew, and my parents first grandbaby. I agreed, because it seemed like it meant a lot to her and, again, we were super close and I was happy to do that for her!

Turns out, the first trimester was awful with morning sickness and exhaustion - I would have preferred to be able to talk about it with my mom, but I was willing to grin and bear it for my sister's wedding.

Well, the wedding came along, and about halfway through the night, I asked her when the announcement was happening. She told me that she had changed her mind and that her wedding didn't seem like a good time or place to announce my pregnancy. I was obviously super upset since I went through a really awful first trimester with only my sister and husband to lean on.

I decided I wasn't going to put the announcement on hold any longer just for her, so my husband and I pulled my parents aside and quietly told them, and told them to keep it private for the evening. They were thrilled, lots of hugs, a few tears, but a very touching and private moment. Literally no one else found out until I announced it on Facebook a week later.

My sister found out around the same time as my Facebook post when my dad mentioned how we told him about it, and she texted me and called me a bitch who made her wedding about myself, and she hasn't spoken to me since.

I've messaged her and apologized probably a dozen times since then, but she refuses to talk to me, and now she refuses to come see her little nephew who is almost a month old at this point.

My parents and partner think I did nothing wrong since she went back on her word, and that I should just wait it out and she'll come around. I'm obviously unsure as clearly this has made her so upset with me, and we were so close before. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

CemeteryDweller7719 said:

NTA. I was all set to say you don’t announce that at a wedding thinking you grabbed a mic and told the whole wedding. You didn’t. You told your parents. Just them. And it clearly didn’t create a fuss at the wedding because your sister didn’t even know until a week later when your parents told her.

You know what happened here, right? Your sister didn’t want you to steal any of her wedding thunder leading up to the wedding. She saw this as her time and the focus was supposed to be on her upcoming life event, not yours.

That’s why she told you not to tell anyone at all and then she’d announce it at the wedding. I don’t think she ever planned to announce. It was just a way to keep you from telling anyone so she could be the center of attention for months.

unknownhag said:

Man people really take the whole "wedding day is only about the bride" thing to a whole new level. Only the grandparents found out about the pregnancy. It didn't eclipse the wedding day at all. NTA.

artorianscribe said:

NTA because you told them discreetly after your sister played an obvious trick on you. Clearly, it didn’t even make an impact on the wedding because it took her being told it happened to even be aware of it.

I don’t think she ever intended to make that announcement. She just didn’t want attention taken away from her while she planned her wedding where she did a really nasty rug pull. She essentially denied you of much needed support during a very touchy time so her special day remained front and center.

No_Bookkeeper_6183 said:

I think your sister never intended to announce it at her wedding. She didn’t want it overshadowing her wedding if you announced it before she got married. NTA.

kayleitha77 asked:

Did your parents know about her having you promise to wait for *her* to announce your pregnancy at the wedding? Have they given any thoughts on that? How does your mom feel about you suffering without feeling like you could ask her for help?

And OP responded:

I actually mentioned it when I told them at the wedding - I said that (sister) was planning on doing an anouncement but that "something came up" so I was just telling them privately now. I actually don't know how my mom feels about it, I guess I haven't really confided in her about how much I had wanted her support. I mostly just laughed with her about what a miserable time the first trimester is.

She later added this update to the post:

I've seen a lot of comments saying that I was trying to be petty, mean, vindictive, spiteful, hurt my sister, etc. and I just wanted to address that really quickly. If I had been any of those things, I would have made sure she found out that I had done it, you know? She just happened to find out a week later because my dad let it slip.

I just desperately wanted to tell my mom, and after waiting over two months for my sister, it really felt like I couldn't wait another moment at the whims of someone who wasn't even involved in the pregnancy. I understand now though that I definitely should not have waited to tell my mom about the pregnancy. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

And she added more details about her sister in the comments:

I mean, she was definitely a bit of a "mean girl" back in high school, but she seriously seemed to have grown out of it since then, and it was so long ago. She's more of a perfectionist than manipulative in my experience, though - she'll get upset if things don't go exactly as she planned them to, even if they technically turn out okay in the end, which is why I assume this upset her so much.