'AITA for anonymously telling a coworker that her husband is cheating with someone at work?'

"AITA for anonymously telling a coworker that her husband was cheating with someone at work?"

I'm a 26-year-old backend engineer at a mid-sized tech company. At my company, we have a separate front-end team, and I work closely with one of the front-enders, Dan, who is in his 30s. Dan is a nice guy, and we're not friends or anything, but we talk almost every day.

Dan is married to Sara, who works in the marketing department at my company. They work in different departments and on different floors from each other, so I haven't seen either of them together outside of the company-wide Q&As and company outings, but we know they are dating.

A few weeks ago, I stayed late at work on a project and went to the lounge to make some coffee. When I opened the door to the lounge, I saw Dan sitting close to one of the people from our HR department, and they were holding hands and flirting with each other (and trust me, it wasn't just friendly). I quickly left and didn't feel like it was my place to say anything.

After that event, I started noticing Dan and the HR person hanging out more in the office, and they started going out to lunch together, taking long breaks, etc. I even saw them leave the office together in the same Uber - it was obvious something was going on, and it was hard not to see it.

At the same time, I was working with Sara on a marketing campaign - she always seemed really nice to me. I recall during our discussions, she mentioned Dan a couple of times. By this time, I felt bad for her and felt that she deserved to know.

After some thought, I made a new LinkedIn account and sent her a short anonymous message. I told her I had noticed Dan spending quite a bit of time with a particular HR employee and that he was holding hands with her in the office. I didn't accuse him of anything, nor did I even name the HR person. I did not feel comfortable reporting it internally, but I thought I’d let Sara know directly and anonymously.

That message spurred Sara to have a conversation with Dan and he admitted to the situation. HR got involved and the HR woman that Dan was connecting with was quietly moved to another office. No formal bulletin went out, but people noticed.

It seems that, not long after, rumors started circulating that I could potentially be the anonymous message sender. I didn’t agree or confirm anything but I sensed the shift. Dan stopped speaking to me and some of the staff had negative sentiments regarding me and called me a snitch saying that I should have just stayed out of it. One person said to me, “It’s not your marriage.”

I get that some people think I crossed the line here but I felt I couldn’t stand by while a nice person like Sara was being deceived. Was it wrong for me to be involved? AITAH?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Flashy-Funny8096 said:

I don't even have to read it to say NTA. We need to normalize telling the person being cheated on- it's not "nosy" at all.

jahubb062 said:

Dan’s an idiot. It’s hard enough having one relationship in an office setting. Dude is trying to have a wife and a side piece in the same office? Is he insane?

Xander681 said:

You are definitely NTA, the AH would be Dan Blaming the messenger is a common tactic for diverting attention from the actual person who is doing something wrong You did the right thing.

Careless_Welder_4048 said:

NTA deny and say it wasn’t you.

paxrom2 said:

If your going to cheat don't do it in the office or a Coldplay concert.