'AITA for doing anything not to go to my brother-in-law's wedding?'
"AITA for doing anything not to go to my brother-in-law's wedding?"
I (30F) have been with my husband (38M) since 2019. We got engaged in 2020 and married in 2022. He has two younger siblings who get along with me and one older brother who clearly does not like me (for reasons unknown).
I had never met the older brother before our engagement because he lives across the country. After we got engaged, he asked to call me alone, without my then fiancé present.
During that call, he completely tore us apart—saying my husband was making the worst decision of his life by marrying me, our 8-year age gap was unacceptable, we lacked maturity (he said we had the mental capacity of 18-year-olds) and a real connection, and that instead of marriage we should be partying, doing drugs, and “talking to aliens.”
He ended the call by saying he would not attend our wedding. I told my husband, who confronted him immediately. The older brother did not attend our wedding, which we were fine with.
Now, the older brother (40M)—who hasn’t worked in years and is financially supported by their father—is engaged after a decade-long relationship. We were invited to the wedding, but given his past behavior, my husband and I decided we do not want to attend.
This decision has enraged my in-laws. Despite us being adults, they RSVP’d on our behalf, signed us up for pre-wedding events without our consent, and are pushing us to travel for an entire week.
I do not have the PTO for this, and they expect me to find and book a week-long Airbnb, which I refused. We don’t want to go at all—let alone for a week. The parents are fully aware of everything the older brother said about me and our relationship.
So, AITA for refusing to attend the wedding of a man who said my marriage was a mistake, skipped my wedding, and now expects me to use my PTO to celebrate his?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Umm…is this really a question? Of course NTA. The in-laws can say whatever they want but they cannot force you to travel or pay for anything.
Absolutely not. He can’t have it both ways.
Doesn't sound like the BiL is the one with his panties in s twist. I read this as OP's MIL and FIL are the ones throwing a fit, maybe worried about optics? BIL probably doesn't care.
NTA. Why is this even a question? As someone else in the comments said, your BIL can't have it both ways. He shouldn't expect you to attend his wedding after he skipped your wedding, and said that your marriage was a mistake.
Nope. Just keep not booking an Airbnb, let them keep signing you up for stuff. When you two don’t show they’ll hopefully get it.
Derp. In this situation, I think each time OP's anniversary rolled around, a neener neener card should be sent to the odious BIL, expressing joy that yet again another year has passed in a successful marriage that he slammed so hard.
Just don’t go! Tell them you already have an obligation. - to go out to dinner and celebrate that you’re NOT at the AH BIL’s wedding and not having to deal with your horrible in-laws! What fun you’ll have 😆😆😆
If you don't have PTO for this - even if you DID want to go - you don't have PTO for this. You can't do it because of. You need to work, you need to work. Wedding invitations are just that - an invite.
I hope you are putting FIL & MIL on low contact. That is absolutely disgusting that they RSVP'd in your name. The audacity has ghasted my flabbers. Maybe be a bit petty and let the in-laws know you ARE taking PTO, and then you & hubby take a little trip on your own and celebrate yourselves. BTW, there's a 9 year difference between my husband & me, and it means absolutely nothing.
Perfectly put! My husband and I are almost 7 years apart. I'm older, and he is younger. The age gap at this stage in life doesn't have anything to do with anything! It's literally a bunch of BS. It's a shame they didn't have the same energy when OP was getting married, and her brother-in-law was saying such harsh and effed up things. It's all very telling, even though this post is short AF.
I don’t understand why they would use these tactics to force you to attend. And the AirBnB? Who’s it for? Just you and your hubby or are they going to expect you to host others? Something seems off. I’d thank them for wanting you to be there but it’s not possible and you have to decline. NTA.