'AITA for arguing with my friend at her birthday party after she separated me from my BF?'
"AITA for arguing with my friend at her birthday party after she intentionally separated me from my boyfriend?"
I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for almost two years. We’re very solid, live together, and usually attend events as a couple. I’ve never had any serious issues with my friend (21F), who I’ve known since high school.
My friend threw herself a big 21st birthday party at a rented venue. She invited around 30 people, and I RSVP’d yes for both me and my bf weeks in advance. When we arrived, there were assigned tables. I was seated at a table with my friend and her close friends, while my bf was placed at a completely different table across the room with people he doesn’t know. At first, I assumed it was a mistake.
I pulled my friend aside and asked about it, and she told me it was intentional. She said she didn’t want couples “attached at the hip” and wanted people to “branch out.” That sounded fine until I looked around and realized that literally every other couple (including people who had been dating for only a few months) was seated together.
When I pointed this out, she admitted she thought my bf would “kill the vibe” and said I’d be “more fun” without him around. For context, he is quiet but extremely polite and has never caused any problems at any event. My bf was clearly uncomfortable once he realized everyone else was seated with their partners except him.
He tried to brush it off, but I could tell he was embarrassed and confused. I told my friend that deliberately separating us while seating everyone else with their partners was hurtful and unnecessary, alone with her comments about him not being fun. She rolled her eyes and told me it was her birthday and I was being dramatic.
At that point, I decided not to make a scene so we stick around for the rest of the party, but I was kind of more quiet the rest of the night than usual. Since then, my friend has been blowing up my phone saying I “ruined her birthday,” embarrassed her, and made everything about my relationship.
Some mutual friends agree with her and say I should’ve just stayed quiet for the sake of the party, while others think what she did was mean and intentional. I don’t really think I caused that much of a scene, but it is her birthday after all so I feel bad if other people noticed. I genuinely didn’t want to cause drama, but I also didn’t want to ignore the issue and leave my bf feeling uncomfortable. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Cultural-Camp5793 wrote:
YTA for staying at a party where the host treated your relationship with disdain and insulted your bf. NTA because your "friend" is jealous and vindictive. She definitely wants your bf. She was never your friend.
OP responded:
Honestly I didn’t even consider the possibility of her wanting him but now I feel like that makes sense 😭 In hindsight, I should have left for sure.
Time_Concert9898 wrote:
NTA, but honestly I would have left immediately if a friend said something like that about my partner. If she thought he was going to kill the vibe, she shouldn't have invited him. But then she knew that you would either opt not to come without him or ask about why he wasn't invited, so she hoped she could trick you into coming without having to deal with your boyfriend.
That must have been such an awkward party for him, I'm so sorry that he had to sit through an event where it was clear he wasn't wanted, especially since it seems like he's a more quiet and reserved type, which I relate to a lot.
OP responded:
You’re definitely right and I now regret not leaving the party. I think I am going to apologize to my boyfriend and end that friendship.
Purple_Paper_Bag wrote:
ESH except your BF. You should have left as soon as you realised that your ex-friend was intentionally singling out you and your BF but you didn't. You decided to let him be embarrassed and confused - your own words. In your shoes, I would be expecting a breakup - by text!!!
OP responded:
Well it’s been a couple days since this party and we are definitely not breaking up 😂 He’s more mad at my friend than me, and I already apologized to him profusely for the situation and for being a pushover.
Suitable_cataclysm wrote:
NTA frankly I would have left. It was intentionally cruel, and I'm not about rewarding cruel people with my attendance and attention. My partner is my priority. He's already kind enough to go out of his comfort zone and then is left humiliated and essentially out casted; nope I'm out.
pinkbbwhiskey wrote:
NTA - only thing I think you did “wrong” is that you should have left. You aren’t causing a scene by leaving quietly. If you “ruined” her birthday by asking valid questions and having a reasonable emotional response to it, it doesn’t sound like she cares about you. Are there dinners where couples are intentionally separated? Yes.
Hostesses in the Victorian and Edwardian eras emphasized this for better conversational flow at a dining table - intentionally seating people beside or across from each other that they thought would have good chats together. But that is for everyone. Not just for the one person you’ve decided you don’t like. I’m so sorry OP. I would definitely reevaluate this friendship.
Imkyliee wrote:
NTA. Tbh I think you were too NICE about it. I would’ve grabbed my man and walked tf out bc wdym you’re gonna disrespect him. If she didn’t want him around she probably could’ve at least asked that you come alone that night cause she wanted time with just you instead of putting him into a situation where he had to sit alone with random people.
Hour-Muscle-3273 wrote:
YTA. Not for the argument..YTA for staying and leaving your bf out there...
OP responded:
We ended up spending most of the night in the dancing area (my friends and him included) so he was around me, I didn’t abandon him but we were definitely uncomfortable together haha. I think part of the reason my friend is accusing me of “ruining” the party is because I kept him around us anyways rather than ignoring him at the table.