Woman fakes arranged marriage to secretly wed her hidden boyfriend of 10 years. AITA?
"AITA: FOR NOT TELLING MY PARENTS THAT MY ARRANGED MARRIAGE IS ACTUALLY A LOVE MARRIAGE????"
I (23 female) have been dating my neighbor (25 male) for 10 years. Keep in mind I live in a third world country and in my culture love marriages and girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are seen as a shame.
My boyfriend's family is not like that so they know about me from the beginning and i have met them serval times. But my family on the other hand..? For girls It's a big fat NO when it comes to dating no matter you're 18+ or 20+ So i have been hiding this relationship since 10 years from them.
Don't get me wrong, my family is understanding and gives me freedom I can go wherever I want with my female friends wear whatever I want but it's just the boyfriend thing that's not allowed.
Yes I live with my parents at 23 because in my country people live with their parents in their home no matter their age. It's not just my family actually where I live it's a cultural thing that girls can't date!
Last year when I turned 23, my family started looking for marriage options for me (arranging a marriage for me) but I couldn't do an arranged marriage as my boyfriend and I loved each other a lot. But I was scared to tell my family that I HAVE HAD A BOYFRIEND all this time.
I don't know maybe they would've agreed maybe they would've been angry and then agreed because don't get me wrong my parents do love me a lot and do every possible thing to make me happy but telling them that I have been keeping a boyfriend behind their back, lying to them to meet him I just didn't want them to think I broke their trust.
So I made a plan! As my boyfriend and I were neighbors our families knew each other, they were not friends or anything but my parents knew my boyfriend's mother. So I asked my boyfriend's mother to tell my parents that she would like me to be her daughter in law, that way my parents would think that it's an arranged marriage.
Actually it's a tradition here in arranged marriages that the guy's mother has to talk to the girl's parents if she wants their daughter's hand in marriage for her son. So my boyfriend's mother did just that.
And trust me I was so nervous about what my parents would say... If they say no then what? Then I would've to tell them the truth this thought alone was enough to take my anxiety to the roof.
But Thank God! My family actually really liked the proposal and agreed! We had an engagement a few months back and we are set to marry this year! I am super happy, the happiest I have ever been to marry the love of my life which I prayed for the last 10 years! But often I feel bit guilty about lying to my family. So AITA for not telling my parents that my arranged marriage is actually a love marriage?
PS: people are saying my parents might know, I think that's highly unlikely because I never got caught they didn't even had a single hint that I could ever date. I never gave them any reasons to be suspicious, they actually agreed so easily because my fiancé have been treating my father with special attention since years whenever they meet outside the house.
Also he have been bringing food, sweets on special occasions and festivals he did every possible thing to impress my father and his family has a good reputation in the neighborhood so my parents agreed easily because they knew he's a good person and family also has good reputation!
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. You do what you have to.
There are different reasons for lying. You are lying by not telling the complete truth to keep everyone happy. That is not a problem. I wish you were years of happiness.
Tell no one. This is harmless and right now everyone is happy. Leave it be.
Physical-Breakfast68 (OP)
Yep! Only my close friends know about this.
This is my philosophy: They (whoever they are) make the rules. It’s my job to make them work for me. This exactly what you did. You got what you wanted and everyone is happy. Win-win. And congratulations!
Girl here's where you keep your mouth shut about it because you secured the rishta. No need to explode it in your face when it's going good.
Nope NTA, you’re doing what you have to do within your culture. And I bet there are a few people with relationships like this but keep it a secret because of the ridiculous shame culture. Just keep it a secret.
Nah girl, you played it smart. I don't know your family but I would keep it quiet at least until you are married if you are at all worried they might change their minds if they know the truth. If you even want to tell them at all. As is, everyone is happy.
It's your life and future at stake, you should prioritize your happiness. Shout out to your boyfriends mum for having your back like that, it sounds like she'll be a great MIL.
You kept the peace, saved face in the eyes of the customs, and your parents are thrilled. There is no reason to hurt them by telling them, there just isn’t. You go marry the love of your life, live in happiness and prosper. You are SO NTA.
NO! Let them happily think they did an excellent job in arranging the marriage. After all, they did arrange it—the fact that you helped behind the scenes is irrelevant. Congratulation and best of luck! My wife and I gave been happily married since 1974. May your marriage be as wonderful as ours (my wife has been the best thing that ever happened to me—I would do anything for her!)