'AITA if I ask my GF to change her wardrobe and stop wearing hoodies all the time?' UPDATED

"WIBTA if I asked my GF to change her wardrobe?"

I'm 25 and my GF is 22. We have different jobs. I'm a professor and she's an amazing artist and graphic designer. It's honestly a great relationship. We communicate openly, rarely fight, always have "cuddle" time, etc.

We've been together for two years (before anyone asks, no she was not my student, I was in grad school and her about to graduate at a different uni, we met through a mutual friend) My problem is... Her wardrobe consists of solely hoodies and jumpers. Or crop tops, but mostly the former. When I take her out on a fancy dinner that we both get excited for, I'm all dressed up and she wears a jumper and tights.

I had an academic conference/seminar that she wanted to attend and she showed up in a hoodie while everyone else (me included) wore formal slacks and button downs at least. She got mistaken as my student. She doesnt own more than one formal shirt, and I don't think I've even seen her wear that.

One morning I asked (as nicely as I could) if she wanted to wear a turtleneck instead of her knit jumper for a fancy dinner with my siblings. She said she'd think about it but still didnt. During a get together with my friends at another fancy place, we wore button downs and she wore another hoodie. I felt embarrassed to sit beside her, who looked like a kid in the midst of working adults.

Its not like I never wear more casual clothes, but I think I wear them when its appropriate, and not for events which I feel deserve a little formality. It's driving me insane because I don't think it should be this big of a deal, they're just clothes.

But I can't help but be disappointed when she shows up like that to dates I saved up for... Its a little aggravating and I feel miserable that she doesnt think to dress up for me, like the formality of it all is disrespected.

Its not like I'm going to ask her to wear anything uncomfortable for her, or for her to change her style completely and throw away all her old clothes. I'm not going to ask her to always wear formal clothes, either, but I really wish she could read the atmosphere and dress accordingly.

TLDR; GF only wears hoodies and jumpers, even to formal events. WIBTA if I told her to stop and change her wardrobe?

What do you think? WIBTA? This is what top commenters had to say:

mudbunny said:

NAH. You are allowed to want your GF to dress up when she attends things that are important to you. She is allowed to feel that’s what she wears is good enough. You need to decide (with her) if this is a go/no go point in your relationship.

CheesyArmadillo said:

NTA. Unfortunately you won’t get unbiased answers here but there are times and places where dressing up is expected. There’s nothing wrong with dressing down in daily life or even in certain circumstances where people would normally dress up, but fancy dinners, work events, seminars, etc. have a a certain expectation of formality.

rlkgriffiths said:

"Hey babe, I want to make reservations at (identify fancy place here) thier dress code is business casual, wanna go?" "I have a faculty banquet to attend, it's fancy dress, are you up for it? Yes? Great, I was going to get new outfit, come shopping with me, I'll get you a new outfit too!" "Sweetie, Joey's wedding is coming up, it's black tie... "

The early twenties transition from adolescence to adulthood can be complicated and leaving many feeling uncertain and out of place especially if we have not previously been exposed or guided on the "niceties" of adulthood. Just out of curiosity, what does she wear to weddings or funerals?

OP responded:

These are awesome. I'll definitely try mentioning more formal events to her with this approach. She hasnt gone to a wedding that her parents didnt force her to as a kid. At my dad's wake (no funeral) she wore a black sweater and black track pants.

Comfortable_Stop_717 said:

NTA. She's not dressing appropriately for the circumstances. If you were trying to dictate what she wore around the house, it would be different. And since you can't/shouldn't control what she wears, you need to stop inviting her to more dressy places/events.

And J_Side said:

NTA, I think it is fairly disrespectful to not try to dress for certain occasions. I know plenty of people who have a certain "style" but they still dress appropriately for a wedding, fancy dinner, ceremony, funeral.

Is there a reason she feels she is exempt from showing the proper respect that an occasion warrants? I am surprised she does not feel uncomfortable in these situations, or maybe this is an attention seeking behaviour?

UPDATE:

Thanks for the judgment and advice. Before I wrote this post we hadnt touched on the topic too much, which was why i asked if i "would be the AH" if i approached her in the way i was thinking of doing so. Luckily got some advice from phrasing things to suggesting going shopping/buying her something.

Siblings and I are meeting up for dinner soon for my brothers birthday, so I went ahead with telling her "Lets go formal because this is a formal event" to which she replied she had no formals to speak of, so I said "No problem, Ive been wanting to buy a new dress shirt, maybe you'll find something you like. If not, we'll go looking in other stores."

We bought her 2 dress shirts she can wear under her more dressy jumpers (that are not sweatshirts), and she thinks tights for bottoms would match nicer with her top. I bought her new flats as well. GF is on the tomboyish side so i didnt even think of asking/suggesting dress and heels, so far she seems happy and Im relieved too, I think she looks really professional and good!

PS: On the profession side, Im only an associate prof, but yes its totally possible in my country! Im in the Humanites field so its very small and features no experimentation for papers (meaning as soon as I finish writing something I can submit it). BA at 21, MA at 23 (MA-PhD track), currently a doctoral candidate.

Got hired as assistant prof right off the bat (because of MA from a reputable school and my offer of several unpublished works to publish under uni name), zoomed through promotion to assoc prof.

Super genius? Nah, there are plenty younger than me with bigger achievements (I am of the same age as an actual super genius who's the vice pres for the national committee for our field now). It really helped that Ive been active in conferences ever since I was an undergrad. Im just happy to be stable and like my job :)