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Woman considers separation after husband lashes out when she admits she doesn’t find him funny. AITA? + UPDATE

Woman considers separation after husband lashes out when she admits she doesn’t find him funny. AITA? + UPDATE

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"AITA for telling my husband (M27) he’s not funny when he asked me (F25) to be honest."

So, my husband is amazing and I really do mean it. He’s smart, kind, and supportive but his sense of humor sucks. He makes these weird, super obscure jokes that no one gets, or he says things so bluntly that people don’t even realize it’s supposed to be a joke. Sometimes, he’ll joke about really serious topics, and it just makes everyone uncomfortable.

The other night, we were hanging out with friends at their house. I was a bit tipsy, telling a story about a recent trip with some jokes thrown in. Everyone was laughing, and the vibe was great.

Then my husband decided to jump in with his jokes, and you could feel the energy shift. They all gave these awkward, polite laughs. The kind where you’re just trying to be nice but it’s obvious you don’t find it funny. It was kind of painful, and I could tell he noticed.

When we got home, he was obviously upset and he asked me why no one laughed at his jokes and if I thought he was funny. I tried to dodge it, but he kept pushing and told me to be honest, so I was.

I told him his humor is really specific, and most people don’t get it. I said sometimes his jokes come off awkward or make people uncomfortable. I tried to say it nicely, but he got mad and said something like, “So you think I’m not funny at all?”

He was clearly pissed, and the conversation got kind of tense and he lashed out and called me some things i’m hoping he regrets. He’s been sulking and ignoring me. I feel bad because I didn’t want to hurt him, but what was I supposed to do? Lie to him?

He asked for honesty, and I thought being honest was better than letting him think his jokes are killing when they’re not. So now I’m wondering if I should’ve handled it differently. AITA for telling him the truth when he asked?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:

"Be honest with me" means you've gotta be prepared to get a rough answer, NTA.

Are they actually jokes or does he say something mean and laugh after as though it was a joke?

(OP)

It’s honestly a mix now that i’m thinking about it, when he jokes about serious topics, it’s in front of someone directly affected by the topic. On many occasions it is at someone else’s expense. He says it’s because he was in the military but I was also in, in the exact same branch… never had that issue.

NTA - you can’t ask for the truth if you are not mature enough to process feedback as an adult.

Two weeks later, the OP returned with an update.

After spending the last week or so with little to no contact from my husband, I came home from work yesterday to find him back at the house. He didn’t tell me he was coming back, didn’t ask to talk, he just walked in and acted like nothing had happened.

He unpacked his things, made himself dinner, and started scrolling on his phone like the past week of silence and tension never happened. I tried to bring up what happened.

Why he left, the things he said to me, and where we go from here, but he completely shut me down. He either ignored my questions, changed the subject, or gave me short answers like, “I don’t want to talk about it” or “Can we just move on?” It’s like he’s refusing to acknowledge how hurtful his actions and words were.

Instead, he’s pretending that everything is fine, and it’s driving me crazy. I’ve spent the past week reflecting on everything. The way he left, the things he said in his text, and his refusal to communicate. It’s caused me to seriously rethink our relationship and our dynamic.

I love him, but I can’t ignore how this entire situation has made me feel. The way he handled all of this, leaving without notice, saying such cruel things, and then coming back without any accountability, feels like a huge red flag among a field of red flags that I have realized after reading comments on my other posts.

I’ve tried so hard to make this work, but right now, I feel like I’m the only one putting in any effort. If he won’t even talk about what happened or acknowledge my feelings, how can we move forward?

I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time to take a step back and ask for a separation. It’s not a decision I’d make lightly, but I don’t know how to keep living like this when my needs and feelings are constantly being dismissed.

So, WIBTA if I ask for a separation? I’m worried I might be overreacting or throwing in the towel too soon, but at the same time, this whole situation has made me realize how unhealthy our dynamic feels right now.

I don’t know if I can rebuild trust or feel safe in this relationship unless he’s willing to meet me halfway—and so far, he’s shown no interest in doing that. I have other posts about this situation that can provide more context as well, thank you!

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

You’re not overreacting at all. It sounds like your husband has been avoiding accountability and dismissing your feelings, which is a huge problem in any relationship. You deserve to be heard and respected, and if he’s not willing to communicate or address the issues, taking a step back for your own mental and emotional well-being is completely valid.

Asking for a separation might be exactly what you need to figure out what you want and whether this relationship is healthy for you. You’re allowed to set boundaries and prioritize your own happiness, and sometimes space is the first step toward clarity.

You do need to ask for separation, you should file for divorce.

Let’s be real, his behavior is screaming. You’re not overreacting you’re setting boundaries. He walked out, left you in emotional limbo, then waltzed back in like nothing happened? Nah, that’s not a relationship, that’s a one man show.

Separation isn’t giving up. it’s giving yourself the respect he refuses to. You deserve better than playing therapist to someone who won’t even say, I’m sorry. Do what’s best for YOU.

NTA Checking out a week is permissable if you're just dating, but it's not marriage. If you don't have kids, end it.

(OP)

We don’t have children and while I’m not ready to end things without taking some time apart at least, we do have two of the sweetest cats ever and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about losing them to him. I know pets aren’t the same as children but it hurts my heart to think of being without them :(

NTA How can you build a life with someone who doesn't want to figure out how to work through conflict? That's NEVER going to work. Do NOT waste your time or energy on this man child.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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