'AITA if I asked my BFF’s boyfriend to delay his surprise proposal during our girls’ trip?'

"WIBTA if I asked my best friend’s boyfriend to delay his surprise proposal during our girls’ trip?"

I (25F) planned a short 4-night trip to Goa with my childhood best friend (also 25F). We’ve both been working for a while, but this is our first proper trip together. I’ve been having a rough few months emotionally, haven’t taken any real time off, and I’ve been counting down to this trip as a chance to decompress and reconnect.

It was supposed to be a girls’ trip, something I really needed. I’m kinda broke, but I still committed to going because anyway I had booked my tickets a few months back and I knew it was gonna be hella fun.

Yesterday, her boyfriend messaged me saying he plans to surprise her by flying in on Friday (we arrive Wednesday night, trip runs Thursday to Monday) to propose to her. At first, I was genuinely happy for them. But then I realized… that means he’ll be there for 3 out of the 4 full days , so basically 75% of the trip.

I casually asked if they’d be flying back together on Monday since they live in the same city, and he said “I’ll see about that,” which only confirmed my fear that he’s staying for the rest of the trip.

Now I feel like I’m about to third-wheel the majority of my trip - one that I planned and was emotionally counting on (it was initially going to be a solo trip to Varkala for surf lessons but u was asking her for a trip as well so she said let’s go to Goa and ofc I was v excited to go w her). Now I can’t even talk to my friend about it because it’s supposed to be a surprise.

I don’t resent the proposal. I love her and I’ll be happy for her. But it sucks that this trip - which was supposed to be a shared, much-needed escape - is now being reshaped into something else without any regard for how I might feel.

So here’s where I might be the asshole: Would I be wrong to message him and ask (politely) if he could delay joining by a day or two so that I can still have a little bit of one-on-one time with her before he arrives? I don’t want to ruin his plans, but I also didn’t sign up to be a background extra on my own trip. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Academic-Revenue8746 said:

I would say HE is the AH for even asking to basically take over your trip. A girls trip is just that, he can plan his own romantic getaway trip to propose on.

FinnFinnFinnegan said:

NTA he's using your hard work for his benefit. He can plan his own proposal vacation.

5newspapers said:

NTA and just in general, I’m so tired of men using an already existing event (like a wedding, group trip, family reunion, birthday, etc) to propose. Like damn plan something for your proposal, rather than just co-opting a special occasion because you’re lazy.

It’s like announcing your pregnancy at someone’s engagement party, or proposing to someone at their graduation. Let people have their moment, and plan a moment for the proposal if you want it to be special.

maj0rdisappointment said:

NTA, I think you should ask him to pick another time and not interrupt the trip for his own agenda, not just to come later.

adventuresofViolet said:

Don't ask him to postpone, just tell him no. You're totally ok to sternly tell him, I'm not only offended you're infringing on my vacation, and inflating my vacation cost, I'm also offended you're taking advantage of the work I applied planning this vacation to propose to my friend who deserves more effort from you than intruding on our vacation.

I'd also dangle it out there, that if he's so insistent on coming, you're canceling and you're telling her why, I'd die on this hill. NTA. In case you can't tell, I get annoyed when couples think their time and plans are more valuable than those that are single.

She later shared this update:

I did call him and asked him to do it on Sunday and like they can extend the trip if needed. There’s another friend of hers who is visiting w her boyfriend. My friend made it very clear that we won’t be meeting them because why would she hang out w a couple.

Anyway, he made it sound very- like almost like he was offended. Because he said “I’ll have to come before Sunday because I need to plan and stuff” so I said sure do it by all means. But the twist- he has called her other friend as well. So basically this trip is now an engagement party that I’m spending money to attend. And he said it like “why would I have a problem with proposing on Sunday?” Like dude?