'WIBTA if I asked my teen stepson to stop wearing perfume because I’m pregnant?'

"WIBTA if I asked my 17-year-old stepson to stop wearing perfume because I’m pregnant and it makes me nauseous?"

I (31F) am 10 weeks pregnant. My symptoms have been manageable overall, but I’m still dealing with nausea, headaches, and fatigue. My stepson (17M) moved in with us full-time about a month before I got pregnant. Before that, I didn’t see him often, so we’re still adjusting to living together and getting to know each other.

Like a lot of teenagers, he uses a ton of perfume/deodorant. It was intense when he first moved in, but back then I could tolerate it. Now that I’m pregnant, it feels unbearable: if he’s been in a room, I sometimes can’t stay there, and I’ve even had to leave the apartment because I feel so sick.

I recently went away for a week, and I felt amazing - no nausea, no vomiting, no headaches, more energy, super productive. But when I came home, it was like being hit with a wall of symptoms all over again. So, I can’t help but connect it to constantly being surrounded by the perfume.

I haven’t said anything yet because I don’t want to seem unreasonable or controlling. He’s a teenager, and we’re still in a delicate adjustment phase. But I’m considering asking him not to wear cologne at home (he could still wear it out), at least while I’m pregnant.

He doesn’t know I’m pregnant yet, but our home is generally fragrance-free, and neither my partner nor I are big fans of cologne anyway, so it wouldn’t come completely out of nowhere. That said, he’s 17, and I definitely drowned myself in perfume at that age, so I get it. And I just really don’t want to be the “evil stepmom” or give him a reason to resent me or the pregnancy.

So, WIBTA if I asked him to stop? Or am I just being a bit too much?

Edit/bonus info:

- My partner is on board and ready to have a conversation with him about it. I’m just having doubts about it now.

- We’ll be telling my stepson about the pregnancy in a couple of weeks, after the first trimester has finished.

What do you think? WIBTA if she asked her stepson to stop wearing cologne? This is what commenters had to say:

Iambigtime said:

Actually, your husband should step in here. For women, bombing himself with cologne if a turnoff more than not. Girls his age probably are reacting the same way. Subtle is the correct term. He shouldn't be able to smell it. Just enough on the palms, on the collar bone and one spray down under is enough. No scent deodorant for everything else. Win win for both of you.

WickedAngelLove said:

Can you ask your husband, his dad, to speak to him about it instead

Meowmaowmiaow said:

NAH. But I’d recommend having this conversation with his dad there, and explain that it’s not that he wears it, but the amount can be a lot for you while you’re pregnant ! Be kind, reassure you don’t want to impose on him, but you’d appreciate if you could find a balance as a team.

Maybe he applies less, maybe he applies once he leaves the house ? Maybe switching scents for the time being could help! You could take him shopping to find a perfume that smells good to him, and doesn’t give you a headache :)

-Liriel- said:

I think you would be nta to ask, but it should be done in a tactful way. The kid is probably feeling insecure enough without thinking that you want him gone and you're making things up to make him feel unwelcome.

Individual_Ad_9213 said:

NTA; but before asking/telling him to tone things down, discuss with your partner so that he's on board with you.

Aside: have you considered burning a regular candle? They do remove odors, I'm told.