'AITA for asking all the GFs in my fiancé’s friend group to be my bridesmaid except one?'
"AITA for asking all the GFs in my fiancé’s friend group to be my bridesmaid except one?"
I (23F) got engaged a year ago Christmas Day to my fiancé Eric (25M). We’ve been together almost 4 years and living together basically since the begging. Sadly,I don’t really have close friends anymore- the friends I did have passed away in a car accident a couple years ago. So naturally, most of our social circle comes from my fiancé’s friend group, who have all know each other since kindergarten.
One of these friends, Tony, has a girlfriend “Alyssa” they are not engaged. She’s been in the group longer than I have, and when I first met her, i genuinely liked her. Over time she’s become…A pick-me girl is the best way to describe it. Everything has to go her way, she constantly changes plans, and she contradicts everything I say.
If I say red, she says blue. My fiancé and I live 3 hours away from the group, so when we visit, we like to plan specific things - but she always ends up inserting herself and taking over. I always do my best to socialize with her because I know this friendship is important to Eric.
The real issue happened when Eric told the friend group he was planning to propose. Everyone was excited except Tony, who said nothing, not even a congrats. Later, we found out from another friend that Alyssa had made comments behind our backs saying I forced Eric into proposing...
that I “have him on a dog collar.” It honestly hurt the both of us since I’ve always showed how much I love Eric and I trust my fiancé way too much to be toxic or jealous.
It’s been about a year since then. We’re having a long engagement so we’re not rushing wedding planning. Meanwhile, more girlfriends have joined the friend group, and most of them already know this whole drama with Alyssa (their boyfriends told them). They’re all super sweet, supportive, and we get along really well. Some of them were welcomed by Alyssa in very rude way so some don’t like her.
I’d genuinely love for all of them to be my bridesmaids…expect Alyssa. Why would I want someone so negative celebrating the best part of my life. I believe she crossed a line. So would I be the ahole if I asked all the other girlfriends to be the bridesmaids but her? I also don’t want to create drama in a friend group that isn’t technically “mine” or for my fiancé to lose this friendship.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
IamIrene said:
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. Besides, sounds like Alyssa probably wouldn't want to be included (unless she plans to make trouble). Just because they are friends with your fiancé doesn't grant them all access to you, or your wedding.
Realistic_Head4279 said:
NTA. This is not junior high and so no need to try to include everyone to protect their ego. Ask only those you feel a true, positive connection with. This is your wedding and should be built the way you want it.
Level_Meet_1123 said:
Honestly you and your fiancé should really talk about not having Eric and his GF at the wedding at all they clearly don’t respect your engagement/wedding.
Hrny_GoatWeed said:
Of course you're NTA for only inviting who you want to your wedding, but I'd think your fiance's input is much more important than anything you're going to get from the internet. As a possible compromise, is there someone else in the friend group that is maybe new to it that it wouldn't be that odd not to invite? That way it's not just Alyssa.
no_good_namez said:
I understand why you feel hurt by Alyssa. However, excluding just her without ever addressing that problem with her would be passively aggressive. You’re not friends with her, so she doesn’t need to be in your wedding party. It doesn’t sound like you’re close friends with the other girlfriends either- you live three hours away...
Alyssa dominates when you visit, and the entire circle has a huge problem with talking behind people’s backs. Since you’re having a long engagement, wait to see how these friendships naturally develop. If over time you organically become friends with certain individuals, ask them.
Don’t ask the whole group except her, that’s just adding to the drama and YWBTA. (Not E S H because Alyssa’s specific comments to her boyfriend and good friend in confidence are not AH level and the coordination things seems like a mismatch of styles which can also happen when someone new and distant comes into an established group dynamic).