'AITA for asking my BF to stay until the end of our pedicure instead of leaving to 'get exercise?''
"AITA for asking my boyfriend to stay with me until the end of our pedicure instead of leaving halfway through to 'get exercise?'"
My boyfriend and I went to get pedicures together, something we rarely do and I thought would be a nice, low-key couples activity. He finished before me, and I still had about 25–30 minutes left. Instead of waiting and relaxing, he suddenly said it felt too hot inside and announced that he was going to walk home to “get some exercise,” since his doctor told him to move more.
For context, it wasn’t hot outside at all, it was around 70° and really pleasant. He kept asking if I was okay with him leaving, which made it feel even stranger, like he was waiting for permission to do something he already knew I’d find odd. I told him it was his choice, but I didn’t really understand why he couldn’t just wait.
He ended up walking home, which took about 23 minutes. The whole thing felt off, though, mostly because that just so happened to line up exactly with the time his Discord group (which includes one particular female friend he always seems eager to talk to) usually gets online.
I just found it inconsiderate. We went together, it was supposed to be something shared, and he couldn’t stay 25 more minutes until I was done? It wasn’t like I was getting a massage or a long service. He basically bailed halfway through a date to make it home in time for an online hangout.
My friends said I wasn’t being unreasonable and that it was rude of him to leave like that. But he made me feel like I was overreacting for wanting him to stay until the end.
So, AITA for thinking it was disrespectful and asking him to just wait with me until the pedicure was done?
Common question-earlier that day he said make an appointment for both of us to get a pedicure together at 6 PM. I could tell his anxiety was rising around 7:15 PM and I asked him do you have any plans for today? He said no, but he still needed to leave. He told me it was hot inside the nail salon and that his doctor said he needed to exercise more.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
impossible_rain_2747 wrote:
Info: Was he aware that this was supposed to be a 'couples activity'? He seems to be treating it like a personal hygiene errand that you scheduled at the same time for convenience.
OP responded:
You’re right it was just a convenient time to take care of hygiene together. That’s definitely what it felt like. I guess when you go somewhere with your partner you expect to spend time with them, him leaving early felt odd. Even though he had the logic behind it up the hot nail salon and needing exercise. He went for a 20 minute walk to get home 10 minutes before I would have.
Ok-raspberry7884 wrote:
INFO. How much input did he have on pedicures as a date and when the appointment was? Has he had a pedicure before?
OP responded:
He asked me to make the appointment for 6pm. He did this at 5pm.
jewellya78654 wrote:
INFO: Did he seem eager to go do the pedicure, or was it just an OK thing he did because you asked?
OP responded:
I normally get a pedicure on Saturday and he asked me to see if the nail salon could do two pedicure at 6pm on Friday, so I called.
according_pizza8484 wrote:
Sounds a little weird and also like he could have communicated in advance or asked to book an earlier time if joining his friend group online was important to him. That said, you sound suspicious and untrusting. That shit can also be toxic when it isn't justified. ESH.
OP responded:
He constantly talks on the phone to a group, mainly one person. If he is awake he is in the phone. He mutes the person to speak with me. Every waking moment he is on the phone. He says it is friends that need help. I am untrusting because I trusted him with this at first. Now I am feeling foolish.
ladancer22 wrote:
“I’d really like you to stay and keep me company while I finish up here.” Kinda seems like you didn’t actually communicate what you wanted and are now mad that what you wanted was different from what he wanted. Does he hate sitting still? You thought of it as a date, maybe he just thought of it as getting a pedicure which he was then finished with.
Ashastronomer wrote:
Uhh wtf yall? Clearly she’s NTA. He bailed on a date/couples activity/QUALITY TIME, for a reason that was clearly not urgent since he could have waited, and kept pushing for an all clear to do so from OP, after she already said ehh I’d rather you didn’t. Swap the mani pedi part for whatever date activity you’d find important, if that helps. He’s being rude af.
Whether he takes his exercising really seriously (which I doubt) or he’s running home to his discord buddies, OP, if you feel disrespected I don’t blame you. Whether he is talking to discord girl or not, the fact that you are already feeling suspicious AND he was pushy with you AND bailed on you, doesn’t bode well. I ignored these exact red flags in a partner and ew. Trust your gut OP.
__poser wrote:
NAH. Sometimes I get anxious if I have to sit somewhere too long, so I'll go for a walk. Or if my husband wants to hang out with his friends, he'll check if it's good with me first so I don't plan a date night or something at the same time. We communicate with each other.
The problem here is that he went to hang out with his friends without actually telling you that. And that you wanted to hang out with him without telling him that. This is a very minor issue, but I can see why it's peeved you. Just focus more on communication. Tell him that this bothered you so he knows what you expect in the future.