'AITA for asking my brother-in-law to thank us when he just had a baby?'

"AITA for asking my brother-in-law to thank us when he just had a baby?"

Sister in law and brother-in-law (35) just had their first baby and while they were in the hospital for the past few days, they asked me and my husband (32, who don’t have any kids) to go over to their house 3x/day to walk and feed their dog. We both share one car and have busy jobs so we drove back and forth in between our meetings and work this week to take care of their pets.

We understand that they are busy with their newborn, but a simple acknowledgement or thank you text would be nice. We would send them updates and they would respond with “haha” or tell us how many times their dog poops, but never follow up with any sort of acknowledgment or thank you.

When my husband called his brother this morning to ask when they were coming home, he got annoyed and said they are still in the hospital for a few more hours and he needs to check up on his pets again.

My husband told him (maybe not in the nicest way - he was heated) that a simple thank you text would make me and his parents feel appreciated for helping out this week and gifting his wife with flowers/balloon after her delivery.

My brother in law did not receive this feedback well and went off about how he could have asked his friend to help with the pets. He didn’t think it was a big ask and said they already received tons of flowers/balloons and don’t need more.

His excuse was that he has busy with the baby, has not been getting good sleep, and just because he doesn’t express his appreciation “doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it.” He said my husband won’t understand until he has kids of his own.

For context, my BIL and SIL have always been spoiled and entitled. In the past, they have never said thank you when they received gifts or when my mother in law delivered them food. They are “takers” and live in delusion - they believe we should be honored they “chose” us to help them.

Everyone should be at their beck and call, and the whole world stops to serve them when they are having a baby. We have lives too and it feels like they are taking us for granted.

They said we should do things for them out of the kindness of our hearts and without expecting thank you in return. You can’t force someone to feel or show appreciation and now I’m sure whatever ounce of gratitude he may have felt is completely gone. So AITA for asking for a simple thank you - when they just had a baby?

(Of course we asked my SIL how she and the baby were doing and stopped by to visit them. it was a normal delivery with no complications with the mother or baby. insurance covered their entire stay so they thought why not.)

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ChoiceWasabi9242 said:

ESH. Mentioning wanting a thank you over the phone while they're still in the hospital wasn't the best way to approach it. Sitting down with them later on and communicating the way they make you guys feel would have been more productive. Especially since it seems like an on-going problem causing resentment to build up.

Trying to argue with someone just days into becoming parents for the first time is never a good idea. Also - mentioning wanting a thank you for caring for their house and dog is one thing but for the flowers is petty.

Indy-Lib said:

YTA - I think it's possible if not likely that the thank you would've come a bit later, when they aren't in the hospital and when they aren't overwhelmed with the immediate arrival of their baby. It would've been better to wait longer.

Do the favor, suck up the annoyance (for now), and have a talk if the thanks never came. They are still in chaos mode now, and they might not be thinking straight (or sleeping!).

Crispydragonrider said:

YTA. Or actually your husband is. They aren't even home from the hospital, yet. You haven't given them much time to thank you before going off on them. They may have been planning to send you flowers or a card when they got home.

dinogirly123 said:

YTA. Way to make one of the most important moments in their lives about you. They haven't haven't left the hospital ffs. It's common knowledge that thank yous and appreciation are often given after high stress situations.

Extreme-Pirate1903 said:

ESH. It’s tacky to not say thank you. It is tacky to demand a thank you. If your husband was hurt, he could have waited until they were settled a bit.

Ill-Emotion9460 said:

YTA for making such a big deal out of it. Y'all are family. Do they never help you with anything, ever? If they don’t, then why did you agree to help with this? You sound like you don’t even like them. Don’t agree to things you’re not actually wanting to help with.

I agree with them that you truly won’t understand until you have your own baby. Those first days in the hospital are tiring, painful, stressful, but also magical and you can never ever ever get them back. The last thing you’re thinking about is anything OUTSIDE of the hospital and your baby.

When they asked you to watch their pets to begin with, did they not say thank you then? Would they have not said thank you when they got home? What do you need, a thank you every day? Y'all weird