'AITA for asking my brother to pay to use the family cabin after he refused to help restore it?'
"AITA for asking my brother to pay to use the family cabin after he refused to help restore it?"
A few years ago, my (35M) grandparents passed away and left behind a beautiful but very run down lakeside cabin. It had been in our family for generations, but by the time it was passed down, it was in rough shape.
The wood was rotting, the roof leaked, and the plumbing was ancient. My parents, not wanting the hassle, offered it to my younger brother, Matt (30M) first, since he had always talked about how much he loved the place growing up.
At first, Matt was excited, but when he saw the actual state of the cabin, he quickly changed his mind. The renovations would cost tens of thousands of dollars, and the upkeep was more than he was willing to commit to. He told my parents that he "wasn’t in a position to take on such a big project” and that it was “too much work for a vacation home”. So they turned to me.
I thought about it for a while, and even though I knew it would be a lot of work, I loved that cabin. I spent almost every summer there as a kid, fishing with my grandpa and roasting marshmallows with my cousins. It meant something to me. So I took it.
The thing is, taking ownership wasn’t just signing some papers, it was years of work and tens of thousands of dollars. I had to replace the roof, reinforce the foundation, fix the plumbing, and completely redo the deck, which was one bad storm away from collapsing.
It became my after-work project, but it also became a major financial commitment. Every spare dollar I had went into fixing up that place. I've asked my family to help out many times, whether financially or physically with labour but no one ever did.
Fast forward to a few years later, and Matt reaches out saying he and his wife want to take their kids on a summer vacation and “would love to use the cabin for a week”.
I told him sure but he’d need to contribute $500 to cover utilities and general wear and tear. He flipped out. He said I was being greedy for charging family and that the "Grandparents wouldn’t want the cabin to be a business”.
I reminded him that he had the chance to take ownership, and he chose not to because he didn’t want the responsibility. Now that I’ve poured my time and money into making it a livable space, it’s not fair for him to expect a free vacation just because we share blood.
He argued that “it’s not like you’re paying rent on it” and “you were gonna be there anyway”. But that’s not the point. If I let him stay for free, where do I draw the line? Do I have to offer it to every cousin, uncle, or second cousin twice removed who wants a weekend getaway? If Matt contributes nothing but gets free access, doesn’t that mean I’m basically paying for his vacation?
Now our mom is involved, saying I should “do the right thing” because “family helps family". I told her that Matt was offered the cabin first, and he said no because it was too much work. I had then asked for financial or physical help and he also denied.
He didn’t want to deal with the responsibilities, he just wants the benefits now that I’ve taken on all the costs. Matt hasn’t spoken to me since, and our mom keeps telling me I’m being unfair. Am I the AH for expecting him to chip in, or is he just entitled?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. Matt didn’t contribute, mom didn’t contribute, so between them they have zero say and you should have zero effs to give.
LaRainax523 (OP)
You’re absolutely right Matt and my mom had their chance to contribute, and they chose not to. Now that the hard work and costs are behind me, it’s only fair that they respect the effort I’ve put in.
NTA he did nothing to help restore and maintain the property. If you are now the legal owner, no one gets a say in who does or doesn’t get to stay there or if they have to pay our not. Tell mom to butt out, if they had maintained it you wouldn’t have had to sunk so much money into it to begin with.
You are NTA. Your brother is an entitled AH. Your mother seems to be an AH, also. Your brother refused to contribute his time or money to help with the restoration and now wants take full advantage of your efforts.
Ask your mother where she was when you needed help and your brother was nowhere to be found. Why didn’t her “family helps family” BS apply then? The cabin is yours, he had his chance.
$500 for a week, I will take it. We are paying close to $2000 for a cottage in PEI for a week (and it is NOT on the water). People saying $500 is too much are out to lunch.
NTA I would ask your Mom “If family helps family, where was my help when I asked for it with the cabin? You all had no problem not helping me. You don’t get to use the family excuse and guilt trip me just because you are showing favortism to my Brother. I would advise 1 of 2 options. 1.) You pay the $500 and Matt can use the cabin or 2.) You stay out of this like you did when I asked for help.”
NTA Holy crap! $500 for a week at a cabin in a scenic location is a steal!! Can I pay you $500 for a week there??? Seriously, he doesn't get to reap the rewards of your hard work restoring the cabin. And since the cabin is now yours, your mom doesn't get to tell you what to do with it.
Your brother can go pound sand. Tell your mom that you are an adult, the cabin is now your property, property you specifically asked everyone for help restoring; everyone said no. Now that it's restored, they don't get to use it for free. If they don't like it, too damn bad; it's YOUR PROPERTY. She needs to butt out. Go enjoy your cabin, my dude.