My grandmother taught my cousins and I how to knit when we were old enough to follow instructions—usually around 8 to 9 years of age. Out of 20+ grandchildren, I was the only one to stick with it.
When my grandmother passed away, all of the grandchildren were all given an opportunity to request items from my grandmother’s possessions. I asked only for her knitting needle kit. My other cousins asked for multiples of her jewellery, vintage perfume bottles, silver combs, etc.
My younger cousin, who doesn’t knit, not only requested some of above but also the knitting needle kit. Through some debate, my mom and my aunt were arguing over who “deserved” the needles. My mom relented because she didn’t want to fight during a difficult time. My cousin ended up getting the knitting needles.
I got a signature perfume my grandmother loved wearing. My aunt swore they were the original glass bottles my grandmother insisted on keeping and refilling. I knew they weren’t because the tops were plastic, not the beautiful frosted glass I remember growing up.
Anyway, I was upset but let it go. I also received small inheritance which I was grateful for. With it I bought a knitting set and yarn. Fast forward, it’s Thanksgiving and my cousin brings up that she has been cleaning out her attic. She mentions she stumbled on some of our grandmother’s things, including said needles. These SENTIMENTAL ITEMS are in her ATTIC.
Later on, I am helping her clean up. She’s wearing my grandmother’s wedding ring. I ask her if that was the other item she asked for. She explains everything she ended up receiving which was a much larger inheritance ($10k) and far more valuables (including the perfume bottles I supposedly got).
I ask her if she’s using the knitting needles. She says no and I ask her if she would be open to the idea of letting me have them and use them. She said she’d think about it and the rest of the night went on.
At some point during the night my cousin must have talked to my aunt. Who came out of left field when I was walking down the hallway and said how awful it was for me to ask my YOUNGER cousin who is only 4 years younger and over the age of 30, and bully her into giving up a sentimental item like that.
I’m sober by the way because I’m the DD. I’m stunned. I explain that I simply asked and that my cousin said she’d think about it. My aunt starts raising her voice at me, to the point where my uncle comes out and asks what’s going on. He immediately takes the side of my aunt, but tries his best to deescalate.
I’m driving my parents home and I ask my mom about what actually happened when they were dividing everything up from my grandmother’s estate. She says she doesn’t want to talk about it and now I’m being awfully weird about it.
How embarrassing it was that I’d even think to ask about the knitting needles and how it was NONE of my business what my cousin got. Despite my cousin gleefully giving me details about all of it. AITA?
Altruistic_Spirit542 said:
NTA your cousin brought it up. You’ve just been given proof that your family doesn’t love you. Your mom especially, sounds like she decided it wasn’t worth getting the one item you wanted vs letting everyone walk all over you. You aren’t worth as much in their eyes. Stop being around them. Go low contact.
k23_k23 said:
NTA. Your mom was the AH - The likely truth: she pulled a fast one, and got more for herself, while your aunt gave everything to her kids.
KrofftSurvivor said:
NTA - Your mother's lying to you about something. When your Aunt is sober, go ask her what your side of the family received because you think you were lied to and you don't want your cousin to suffer for that...
endor-pancakes said:
NTA, but something fishy is going on. Possibly just your mum being a complete pushover on your behalf and now being embarrassed about it. Possibly your mum letting your cousin screw you over in exchange for getting something other from her aunt. Who knows, but you deserve to know. Start by interrogating your parents when they're sober.
Voidfishie said:
NTA. Your cousin literally bragged about getting the items you were told you got? That's so far from okay, you need to talk to your mother about her letting you get the short end of the stick here.
Talked to my cousin. Talked to my mom. Here are the facts I’ve been able to piece together: My aunt resents my mom due to the close relationship she had with my grandfather. They were twin-brained and did everything together up until he died. My aunt never had that and holds that against her to this day.
My mom regrets not fighting harder for the knitting needles. She said she didn’t fight for equal $$$ because my aunt claimed my cousins needed the monies for debts. She knew I didn’t care about the $$$ anyway and assumed it was fine. She was right.
(Edit: Digging more into this with my mom as apparently there’s some issue with how an intestate estate is distributed and the story I’ve been told.)
(Edit update: There apparently was a mutual agreement between my mom and all of her siblings to distribute more $$$ inheritance to my aunts kids due to financial issues. This was filed appropriately.)
My mom also apologized for getting on my case in the car. She said she hadn’t realised how much the knitting needles meant and assumed I had just asked out of nowhere. It wasn’t out of nowhere. I gave her more context and she apologized for not asking. Cousin believes my aunt has a personality disorder. She and my other cousins tolerate her.
Thanksgiving was at cousin’s house because her mom lords it over her when it’s at their parent’s house. Cousin had no idea she got more of an inheritance. She apologised for being so flippant about it, she thought we all got the same. I told her not to worry. I wasn’t concerned about who got what. Just about the needles lol. We had a bit of a laugh over it because some of you are right.
Things like this rip families apart and all I wanted was some damn knitting needles. Cousin also said she had no idea I had asked for the knitting needles. She said my aunt claimed no one wanted them. Which was a lie. Cousin agreed that I should have the knitting needles. We plan on getting lunch this week and talking more about the family drama.
Thank you to the folks who offered incredibly thoughtful insight into this. A few of you opened my eyes to the idea there was something more without making up really awful things about my family.
UPDATE 2: Last night, my dad texted me and said my mom and he would talk to me about everything this weekend. There’s things they purposely didn’t tell me. It appears some of you were right. My mom was omitting the truth/lying about something. Wasn’t going to update but figured this was worthwhile.
NationalMouse said:
Your aunt sounds like a real piece of work, imagine fighting so hard for something so arbitrary as knitting needles while at the same time insisting that you are deserving of more inheritance on top of that just to feel a little bit justified in your jealousy and resentment. Glad everything worked out and that the truth came out finally and that your cousin sounds like a reasonable enough person to work it out.
Tofulish8889 said:
NTA - yay for you ending up with the needles and for you having more insight.
sheldonbunny said:
This is a pretty good ending to all of this. I'm genuinely glad I checked back in and saw this update. Also glad you communicated and found solutions with your cousin and mom.
Walktothebrook said:
NTA. There was no harm in your asking the cousin. Seems the answer is No. As others have pointed out, seems like there is more to the story. I’m left wondering if your mother was a poor negotiator and your aunt came away with more.