'AITA for asking for my dead sister's ring back after my brother used it to propose?'

"AITA for asking for my dead sister's ring back after my brother used it to propose?"

My sister died when I was like 6 and she was 17. We weren’t super close or anything but I still remember little bits of her. Her laugh, how she always painted her nails, her posters. She was like this perfect angel to my mum after she passed. I barely remember the funeral.

When I was like 12 I found this old ring in her stuff. Nothing fancy, just a silver ring with a small stone. It fit me and idk why but I kept it. It wasn’t some big dramatic thing, I didn’t steal it or anything, I just…took it and started keeping it.

I didn’t wear it loads or flaunt it, just had it in this little box and sometimes I’d look at it when I missed her. It kinda became this one thing that felt like mine, like my piece of her.

So anyway last weekend we had this family lunch and my brother (27m) brings his gf who everyone knew he was gonna propose to. And yeah, he stands up, does the big speech and pulls out THE ring. My sister’s ring. The one I’ve kept for like 7 years.

I literally froze. His gf starts crying, ppl are clapping, I’m just sat there like wtf. I look at my mum and she just smiles at me like nothing happened. After dinner I ask her was that the ring and she’s like yeah, your brother asked me and dad and we said it was fine. She said it was sweet and symbolic and my sister would’ve wanted it passed down or whatever.

And I was like?? It was never yours to give tho??? Like I’ve had it for years? And she just goes oh come on it’s just a ring don’t be dramatic. But like when I had it it wasn’t “just a ring."

So yeah I kinda snapped. Waited till ppl were outside and told my brother I wanted it back. He laughed at first then was like no wtf and I said ok well then I’ll tell your gf where it came from and let her decide.

He got mad said I was ruining his proposal and making it about me like always. My mum dragged me into the kitchen saying everyone noticed I wasn’t happy and that I left halfway thru dinner. yeah bc I was crying in the bathroom like ???

Dad tried to calm it down but my brother kept going on about how selfish I was and that I’d been weird about my sister for years. I didn’t even say anything I just left early and haven’t spoken to any of them since. Mum rang me yesterday saying have I calmed down and am i ready to say sorry and I said not really and she hung up.

My cousin texted me later saying it was actually super messed up and she doesn’t blame me but idk. I probably could’ve handled it better, but I just felt so blindsided. It’s not even about the stupid ring it’s just like...they acted like it didn’t matter to me. Like I didn’t matter. So yeah. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ConfusedRiver123 said:

NTA. How did he even get the ring? It’s not a family heirloom because that’s his sister. He probably just found an easier way to propose to his girlfriend without paying anything. Honestly the whole situation is weird. Of all the rings in the world, why this one?

yetagainitry said:

Funny how the parents are like "it's just a ring" right after they said "it was symbolic and sister would have wanted it passed down." While I do think you're NTA, i do have a question. Did your family know before that you had the ring and that it meant all of this to you. It doesn't sound like any of them even knew you had a connection to the ring at all.

Secondly, where did they get the ring from? you said you had it for years, so how was your brother able to take it without you knowing? I feel this is less about the family blindsiding you and more about you never really communicating to them what it meant to you all these years.

twylahelnot said:

NTA and that sucks, I'm so sorry.

ScarletNotThatOne said:

NTA. They took your ring! Then they ganged up on you to pretend that you were the problem for not being okay with it. But they didn't even check with you first. So not OK.

thefixxxer9985 said:

NTA. I particularly like the manipulation of how it's "just a ring" when you are upset about it, but when you ask for it back suddenly it is not "just a ring" and you are being selfish and making everything about you.

From what you say it seems pretty clear they knew you wore the ring and had an attachment to it. She was your sister too, your loss and your grief are valid. They should have asked if you were ok with the ring being given to someone else first.

Kenuru said:

"Thanks for looking after your late sister's ring all these years. We'll be taking it back now." Your family knew where the ring was. After all this time, they couldn't think to ask how you felt before they went into your room and took something out of it? NTA.