'AITA for asking my ex to move out after discovering she lied about where she was going?'

"AITA for asking my ex to move out immediately after discovering she lied about where she was going?"

I (32M) recently ended a 7 year relationship with my ex (29F). About a month ago, she told me she needed space. We mutually agreed the romantic part of the relationship was over. Since she needed time to setup her new place, she stayed living with me temporarily.

Even though we weren't together, things were still friendly and even flirty, which in hindsight blurred some boundaries. For context, around this time I also lent her about $3.5k to help her moving expenses, and was helping her pack, store things and transport her stuff.

First incident:

A few weeks have passed from this, and she told me she was going to stay at at a (female) friend's house. A few details made me uneasy.

She said something like: "My friend always gets really produced, I should produce myself too", which felt really weird for a casual night with a friend.

She insisted I not give her a ride (it's like a 5 minutes ride)

This kind of got my anxiety going, so I checked her location (we've been sharing it basically forever), which was turned off for the first time ever

I really panicked and made the mistake of violating her privacy, checking her insta on her PC, and found out she was actually meeting someone she met at work (way before she broke up with me, btw).

I confronted her immediately, we argued a whole bunch, but ended up apologizing: me for invading her privacy, and her for lying to me. I ended up telling her the situation was too much for me, and wanted for her to move out ASAP, she ended up staying for a couple more weeks

Second incident: Yesterday she went to dinner to some restaurant with her students after work (around 8pm, this was actually true). Around 11PM I sent her a couple of messages to make sure everything was okay, which went unanswered for a bit. And, again, I checked her location. I saw she was at the house she was planning to move out to.

By the way, she always has used my card to go to work, so she had my car with her.

TBH, I was pissed off, and called her to confront her, when she finally answered she played it off cool, like nothing was happening.

I told her that she could do whatever she wanted, she did not owe me anything romantically, but if she was to lie to me, at least she shouldn't have used my car to do it. After this, she took almost an hour to come back (it's a 10 minutes ride from there), which pissed me off even more.

Just to be clear, I know she was free to do and see whatever/whoever she wanted. The thing that hurt me the most was her lying to me, and the secrecy while still living with me, without mentioning she was being unreachable for good while, while having my car. I basically told her that I wasn't going to let her stay here anymore, and that she needed to move out immediately.

AITA for asking her to move out right away after she lied again, even though we weren’t romantically together?

I'm trying not to villainize her. I'm still a bit upset, so sorry if it came across that way.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

mascnz wrote:

My dude, you are in an emotional situation, and you are making a decision emotionally. Logically, you two are broken up. She has some days to move out. Make sure you and she have agreed in writing by when she needs to move out.

Between now and then, you need to let her be: you are no longer together, she can see people, give her the space to move out. You are getting worked up that the person you broke up with is moving on. Let her move out, then move on with your life.

JuggernautAmazing219 wrote:

YTA to yourself bro. Assuming the first incident was a dude she met, you should have kicked her out then. She cheated bro. You eventually do the right thing in breaking up, but you continue to support her. The second incident should have never happened, and you for sure shouldn’t have let yourself get worked up over her lying. It’s what she does 🤷🏻‍♂️. You set yourself up. Do the right thing for you and good luck!

UnderstandingAble194 wrote:

NTA she's lying because she wants to keep using you. How gross!

Cicknage420 wrote:

NTA. She’s lying to you and using you for car and a place to live, don’t let the women in the comments tell you that you were snooping or whatever, that is straight up gaslighting.

funkyflyry wrote:

NTA, it sounds like you're not over her but that's besides the point. She should have moved out when she decided it was over. Also, she has a place lined up it sounds like? Her bases are more than covered.

Ditzy_Yard7671 wrote:

YTA. You broke up. Stop monitoring her activity. You're not her father. You sound unhinged. She doesn't owe you anything, the same way you don't owe her anything. One of you has to move out immediately and stop with this weird intermingling crap. Stop letting her use your car (or card, idk) and separate yourself.

Only-Breadfruit-6108 wrote:

You’re NTA for telling her to leave, but you’re kind of stupid for letting her use your car and giving her money as though you’re still together. Things are different now, you need to start behaving that way.

Alarmed-Sprinkles582 wrote:

YTA. Yall broke up. You have no right to control her not that you did before. Stop trying to monitor everything she does. She’s an adult not your child.