'AITA for asking bride to reimburse me after I got kicked out of her wedding party over a false rumor?'

"AITA for asking for my money back after getting kicked out of a wedding party for a rumor that wasn’t true?"

AITA for asking the bride of the wedding to reimburse me for the costs I incurred while participating in her wedding festivities because I was kicked out of the wedding due to an untrue rumor? For some background me and the bride have been friends since college and have been close since.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and of course accepted because I love her and wanted to help celebrate her big day. During the months leading up to the wedding I bought several items for the wedding itself and paid for my portion of a bachelorette trip which was a joint trip with the groom and his groomsmen and a few added friends.

The weekend of the trip came and we loaded up the car and set off to our destination. The whole rumor started that I attempted to sleep with one of the grooms friends on the trip, which was not true and had no logical basis.

The rumor was started by another bridesmaid who was upset that me and the guy she was currently talking to used to have a relationship years ago and when he found out that I was on the trip he started asking her questions concerning me and my life at the present time.

I have not spoken to this guy since we cut off contact 2 years ago. So she saw me conversing with one of the grooms friends at the bar we had gone to the first night of the trip. She took it upon herself to start saying that she saw me and this friend of the grooms who was married sneak off to the bathroom to hookup.

This of course did not happen but with this girl being a friend of the brides much longer than me the bride took her side and asked me to leave the bachelorette trip the next morning, in total I was on the trip for less than 24 hours. The trip was booked for 5 days.

Later after the trip about a week before the wedding I texted the bride a question about the dress and was met with a long text about how I was no longer apart of the bridal party and would not be able to attend the wedding due to the rumors.

She informed me that her whole family and the grooms family was uncomfortable with my being apart of the event due to the rumor and since the friend that I allegedly slept with was a long time friend of the grooms family he would not be uninvited.

So AITA for asking the bride to be reimbursed for the rest of the trip I was not allowed to stay for and the other charges I incurred for the sole purpose of being in her wedding?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Martymcflym81337 said:

NTA. This is very disgustingly sexist, if you two HAD done something, why is it only you they’re uncomfortable with? Are you both single? If so, it’s really none of their business anyway.

If you or him aren’t I can see a problem arising but honestly, again, it takes two to tango. The fact they are villianising the woman and the guy isn’t even sticking up for what actually happened is disgusting. You won’t get your money back though. They’re awful, through and through.

StrawberryKey8913 said:

Where was this groom's friend that you supposedly slept with and why didn't he say anything? Anyway, you can ask for your money back but just take the loss and delete these people from your life if everything you said is true. NTA

More info. from OP:

After reading comments here is some more Information that has been requested! Also thank y’all so much for the kind words and amazing advice! It means the world and helps make a hard situation much easier to deal with!

1.) A common question that was raised was how I knew the bridesmaid started the rumor and how I knew my ex had been asking her about me.

-a girl that had met the bride around the same time as me was also in the wedding. me, this girl I’ll call her (J), and the bride had a little group of us three where we would hang out together weekly while in college. The bridesmaid who started the rumor (X), I’ll call her, was confiding in J about my ex (her current situation-ship, (I’ll call him B.). X had informed J that she didn’t realize me and B had dated in the past.

(She found this out by stalking my instagram and seeing pictures of us together) J informed X that we had a fling for a summer between freshman and sophomore year of college. X told J that B had seen her Snapchat and instagram stories of all of us at supper and had asked about me and was wanting to know how I was doing in life since “it’s been forever since I’ve seen her”.

Obviously X was upset at this and told J that it had upset her and that I (OP) had not even think about doing anything or reaching out to him. J then told me about their conversation and about my ex’s interest in my current life. I brushed it off as just petty drama and assumed that X would cool off and realize that it all happened a long time ago and was a non-issue.

That is how I knew that my ex was asking about me. I even went as far as to talk to X and assure her that me and B had long been over and did not have any contact except through social media following. X was short and responded coldly like she was not interested in what I had to say, but I’m not one to stir the pot so I let it alone.

As far as knowing who started the rumor, I gathered from a couple other people in the wedding party and others on the trip who had been saying what and the common denominator in all the conversations was X.

It’s pretty easy to decipher who has ill feelings towards someone in a group that small, given the previous conversations I had with J, X was the only person there who would have any reason to feel bitter towards me.

2. Another common question/ concern that arose was why the grooms friend did not defend or refute the accusations.

From my understanding the groomsmen (I’ll call him N) has had previous indiscretions in his marriage. Please keep in mind I did not know and had never met N until the trip. The only things I knew about him were those that were told to me from the bride and her family when we were discussing those who would be attending the trip.

One of the things said by the brides mother was that N had a history of infidelity, but that he and his wife were trying to work through things. due to not knowing N I had no contact information for him, and as he was not a part of the actual wedding party but just a family friend of the grooms I had no last name to go by to even attempt to look him up to reach out.

As far as him not refuting the claims I believe he did not wish to draw attention to himself for things that he had been proven guilty of in the past, whether he was still cheating on his wife with other people I have no idea, it’s honestly not my business.

But as I’ve learned living in a small town in the south, most men will not go out of their way to defend someone that they’re accused of cheating with especially when they have a past of that exact thing because to be honest who would believe them?

This is not an excuse for N at all, I fully believe he should have done the right thing and been a man to step up and squash the rumors but as things were on ice with his wife to begin with I don’t think he wanted to rock the boat. I hope this clears up some questions and gives some more Information! Once again thank y’all so much!!

Context:

the friend of the groom and his wife are apparently separated because HE has had issues with infidelity in the past is what I have heard, once again I only had about a 5-10 minute conversation with him at a bar so I don’t know much about him and his wife’s situation. Also this all has taken place in the deep south of America, this man could murder someone and it would not be his fault.

He has not come forward to defend me because in his mind it has nothing to do with him since he was able to still attend the wedding. From what I’ve heard from mutual friends of that family he doesn’t care about his actions or anything that may make him look bad. I have reached out to his wife to clear up the rumor but have not heard back.

It all boiled down to the fact that I was the bridesmaid the bride had know for the shortest length of time so I was the “obvious” choice to kick out. Men down here don’t accept consequences or feel the need to defend anyone If it doesn’t directly affect them