'AITA for asking my friend to change her Halloween costume?' 'Her outfit wasn't really appropriate.'
"AITA for asking my friend to change her Halloween costume?"
I (21f) have been friends with a girl I'll call Ellie (21f) since we were like 12. We're very close, but we are also very different. She loves going out, being with her friends, going to clubs and getting drunk, and I love being with my family, having chill nights with my friends, or going to brunch.
That being said, there is absolutely no judgment, she's in college, it's absolutely normal to want to have fun. We were discussing our plans for Halloween and she told me she'd love to do something together. I was planning on going trick or treating with my younger sister (9f), and she said she had planned on going clubbing with friends.
We both really wanted to spend Halloween together, so we decided on a compromise: she would come trick or treating with my sister and I, then we'd go clubbing together.
This was a while ago, maybe two or three weeks. We also talked about what costumes to wear, and she told me she already had an idea of what she wanted to wear. I just told her "nothing inappropriate," jokingly, with the winking emoji.
Yesterday, she FaceTimed me to show me the outfit she had chosen. I'll try to describe it as well as possible: it's a dark red latex miniskirt, a dark red latex top that's kind of like a bra, and then the top and bottom are sort of tied together, like there's a few strips.
And then she has sort of garters on her legs. I'm really not describing this well, but the best way I can explain it is, it looks like what you would see in an adult video, or a strip club. I'm not judging that, just trying to help picture it, it looks kind of like R-rated underwear.
She looked awesome, but I told her that her outfit wasn't really appropriate to trick or treat with children. I told her that it was amazing for the club, but maybe not to be around children and parents. She told me that there was nothing inappropriate, she was dressed as a devil like many people/kids.
I said that I felt like it wasn't very appropriate and asked if she could wear a different outfit to go trick or treating and then change at my house before going to the club. She got very mad at me and said that I was basically calling her names, and that I was just jealous because I couldn't pull off this outfit and wasn't as pretty as her, and I didn't want her to get more attention than me.
I barely replied, because I really don't know what to say. I'm saying this again, I have no problem with the outfit itself, and this is not me trying to control what she can or can't wear.
I'm just saying, we're going to be surrounded by children so it feels inappropriate. I don't necessarily feel like my request was unreasonable, but I can understand why it feels controlling to her. I don't know. Am I in the wrong here?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
4th_chakra said:
NTA. Your concerns all revolve around what the (young) kids will be exposed to. There is a time and place for that outfit, but not with 9 year olds. It's a mark of your maturity that you can see that. You also approached her respectfully, explaining why her costume wasn't the best choice for trick-or-treating.
You put the consideration of others first. And in this case, since her R-rated costume definitely wasn't child-friendly, you were the adult in the room when your friend wasn't. Your friend's blown-up reaction is also telling of her maturity. It was her wants, above all, and she had a tantrum when she didn't get her way.
ReviewOk929 said:
NTA - Kind of sounds like not appropriate for young kids. Don't think there's anything wrong telling her it's great for the club but not the kids, she is just willfully misconstruing what you're saying.
Possible_Bicycle6864 said:
NTA at all. It does sound inappropriate for trick or treating with kids. And her reaction is NOT the reaction of a friend. Insulting your appearance is not okay and you don’t have to accept that kind of behavior.
ElBurroEsparkilo said:
NTA. Different activities have different standards for how to dress, and what is or isn't appropriate. She knows it's a risque costume and is being defensive because you pointed that out. Saying "it's just a devil" and acting like it's the same as any other devil costume is playing dumb so she can act like you're in the wrong, for telling her something she didn't want to hear.
Strange_Lady said:
NTA. She could just throw a red body con dress over the whole shebang for the public trick or treating and then whip it off and go to the club after. Nbd. I don't see why she's mad at you and being mean though. That's completely unnecessary.
EclipseHERO said:
NTA. How she dresses is her prerogative but your prerogative includes setting a good example for the 9-year-old you're taking out for a fun evening. You've simply asked her to change for the trick-ord-treating and not the whole night. She's being a bigger child than I imagine your sister actually is.
shaylahulud said:
NTA. Get a bedsheet and cut some eyeholes in it, she can be a ghost while she trick or treats with the kids. Problem solved.