Woman begs office coworkers to PLEASE stop scheduling work events at her second job. AITA?
"AITA for asking my friends to stop scheduling workplace events at the restaurant I work at?"
Me(20F) and Kamila(23F) work at the same place. We have been acquaintances for a long time but only got closer when I got hired in the start of last year. She is essentially my boss’s assistant. Besides working here, in November I took a part time job in a restaurant where I work Friday nights, Saturdays, Sundays and Holidays.
My boss (52M i think) likes to host dinners for our whole office at least once a month or when we finish a really big project. Usually I can’t make it so I don’t pay a lot of attention to discussions about it.
At the start of January, I realized that the dinner for the opening of the year was going to take place at the restaurant I work at. I talked with Kamila, she said she didn’t realize but that it couldn’t be changed since the reservations were already made.
That dinner was awkward for me since my coworkers kept asking me to sit and eat with them and were kind of giving me weird looks (I think it was pity tbh). They left a huge tip which was both cool and a bit embarrassing.
Afterwards everyone started treating me differently and my supervisor even pulled me aside to ask if everything was alright LOL they had good intentions but it was genuinely annoying for me especially since I don’t talk much about my personal life at work.
The February dinner was set for the restaurant I worked at again. I asked Kamila about it and she just said that the boss really liked the place and there was nothing she could do. I decided to trade with one of the other workers in the restaurant that works in the back (he was previously a waiter) to try to avoid the awkwardness.
I was not even one hour into my shift when the owner came in and informed me that I had to trade again because table 4 (the one with coworkers) asked for me. When I switched, Kamila made a joke about me hiding from them and everything was awkward again.
After that, I sent a text to Kamila asking if she would please stop scheduling the dinners here. She said that she couldn’t and we had an argument. I said that she was being a bad friend.
She said that I should just quit one of the jobs if I was so embarrassed of people from one workplace meeting me at the other. She also called me poor but she apologized for that LOL. AITA here? I am obviously young so I don’t know if I’m being immature. Kamila is upset at me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Info: do you know for sure that Kamila would be able to chose another restaurant and that decision is not made by someone else in your company?
NTA. She's doing this on purpose and she's not your friend. ou should bypass her and go directly to your boss. I wouldnt be surprised if your "friend" is telling your boss that you appreciate them coming there. They're not doing you a favor by having you wait on them and giving a nice tip. She's also making you appear not to be a team player to both of your jobs.
NTA. Kamila is on a power trip. She is not your friend. This woman thinks you are beneath her and she wants everyone to see you that way. But also why can’t these dinners be held on a night you’re free? Why are you explicitly not part of it??
It sounds as if Kamila only books the venue your boss requests. Do you know that she chooses it? If she doesn't choose it, the only thing she's potentially being an AH about is your having a second job.
And are you sure that your co-workers are looking down on you / pitying you? You sound really sensitive about that and it seems possible that you're reading too much into it. I don't think most people would think too much about someone having a second job, especially when you're young.
This person is not your friend. She called you poor and has changed your workplace environment. Stop being a pushover. You can always tell your office boss that going to this restaurant is awkward for you and to stop having meetings there. If they insist don’t work that night. Or refuse to serve them. Stand your ground on this.
NTA, Kamila sucks, she knows exactly what she's doing since you were personally requested the second time when you tried avoiding them. She's not a friend, chances are she didn't even try to change the reservation or ask if it could be. I would avoid her going forward.
NTA. You have every right to set boundaries between your workplaces and your coworkers making a spectacle out of it is frustrating. Kamila dismissing your feelings and telling you to quit a job instead of accommodating a simple request is out of line. She’s not just ignoring your discomfort she’s doubling down on it.
Also, the “poor” comment? Yikes. Kamila is out here acting like she’s powerless when she’s literally in charge of planning. “Boss loves the place” isn’t an excuse when she knows it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate that friendship or move on with other that will hear you and support you.
NTA. It sounds like she’s trying to shame you for having a second job. Maybe the boss and the rest of the team really did like the restaurant but it still seems to go there for two outings in a row.
NTA, but go talk to the boss directly. Let him know that you’re glad he likes Restaurant but that’s it’s really awkward to serve your coworkers. Maybe he thinks he’s helping you out, letting you be present for those diners, but just isn’t seeing the consequences. And maybe you’ll find out he doesn’t give a flying fig about where dinner is and just lets Kamila pick.