'AITA for begging my musical theater girlfriend to stop serenading me in traffic?'
"AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop singing in the car?"
Hi! I (F20) have been dating my girlfriend, let’s call her Angie (F21), for about nine months now, and I genuinely adore her. She’s kind, smart, funny, and just overall a wonderful person. I really do feel lucky to have her in my life.
That said… she loves to sing. Like, all the time, but especially in the car. And to be clear, she’s incredibly talented. She’s done choir throughout school, she’s a musical theatre major, and she truly has an amazing voice. Most of the time, I love hearing her sing and perform.
It’s something I admire about her cause god know I cant hold a tune to save my life. However, when we’re driving together, it honestly gets on my nerves. I don’t mean every now and then, it’s constant.
For example, the other night we were driving home from a mutual friend’s place. I put on some music in the background and started talking asking her about her day. As soon as there was a lull in the conversation, she turned the music up and started singing.
I let it go for a song or two, but when turned it back down and tried to resume the conversation, she gave me a one-word answer, turned it up and went right back to singing.
This kind of thing happens all the time. I try not to be overly sensitive about it, but it makes me feel like she’s not interested in talking to me. I’ve brought it up a couple of times, but she usually brushes it off and tells me that it just passes the time, which it does, for her…meanwhile I’m driving next to what feels like a brick wall.
Sometimes I try to sing along, but she’ll say something like “It’s not a duet” in a joking way but I know she means it. I really do love her, and I don’t want to make her feel like she can’t be herself around me but I also don’t want to feel ignored every time we’re in the car together. So am I the AH for wanting her to dial it back a bit in the car?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. If its your car, put in your music, something that you are sure she wont know the words to.
NTA. Your girlfriend is giving life to the phrase “she loves hearing the sound of her own voice”. She sounds self centered. She needs to learn to read the room. Just because she has a nice voice doesn’t mean that you or anyone else wants to hear it all the time. If it’s you car you control the radio. No radio when you drive. The options are silence or conversation.
If she reacts negatively then she’s not such a “wonderful person”. Please think about what you wrote. “…I really do feel lucky to have her in my life...”. I hope she feels luck to have you in her life. Don’t ignore bad or rude behavior because you think a person a a great catch.
NTA, but you have to stop worrying about being "too sensitive". Don't be passive aggressive or avoidant about it. It really does bother you, she needs to know. You have to sit her down properly, take her by the hand and tell her WHY this bothers you. Don't make it about her, it's not even about the singing. Explain how it makes YOU feel like she doesn't want to talk to you.
From there, it gives her the opportunity and knowledge to check in with you next time - 'hey babe, I'm totally into this song! everything ok?" Tell her in the moment what you feel. She will get it. And go from there.
NTA and I was ready to swing the other way. It became NTA bc she is being rude about the singing and interrupting and stopping convos so she can sing. I would say YTA if it’s simply the singing but she is being disrespectful and you are asking a reasonable thing in a reasonable manner.
You can’t do this without being an AH. Learn to love every part of her. You can try to set limits, like every so often take a break, but you’ll most likely hurt her feelings. NTA though. We all like different things.
I was ready to vote in her favor because I love singing in the car and have very few people who I am comfortable doing so around, buttt it sounds like she is completely dismissing your presence and wanting to be in the spotlight for every car ride so NTA. I mean the “not a duet” joke is just way too much. Even if it really is a just a joke, that is obviously going to put you out and kill your mood.
NTA. I'd tell her while she's having a great time singing, it's like you are driving by yourself with the radio on: there is no conversation. If she still doesn't stop, I'd take the radio out.
NTA, she’s not listening when you’re attempting to communicate to her, she’d rather do what she wants than allow a meaningful conversation between the two of you.
If you haven’t brought it up in a super serious way, i’d recommend sitting her down to talk about it in a way that expresses the feeling of being ignored and how hurtful it is when she cuts you off to sing rather than talk to you. there has to be a middle ground; if there isn’t one in something as simple as this, you two won’t last.
NTA. I can understand how it could be bothersome to have your passenger singing/ignoring your attempts to talk! It sounds like you’re semi-okay with it if it’s quiet. I’d say have another conversation about it, pushing the point that you feel ignored.
Maybe make a compromise, on the way somewhere, she has free rein of the radio, and on the way back, you guys have a nice conversation! There are exceptions if you both aren’t really feeling like talking ofc. I’d say just be open and honest. You don’t dislike her singing, you just feel left out.